quiet night with shag all to speak of on telly, so after exactly seventeen minutes I cracked. And there it was, just waiting for me.
8.07 p.m.
*New Message*
Hi, Lady Reporter, you have 1 new response!
From: Guy_in_the_Sky
Hey there Lady Reporter,
Like your profile. Mountaineering? Skydiving? Wow. And you’re a foodie too? Snap. Message me back soon – if you’re not half way up Mount Kilimanjaro or about to do a parachute jump at two thousand feet, that is.
Now as we all know in man-language, ‘message me back soon,’ can mean anything from two hours to two weeks. However, all my time served at the online dating coalface had taught me that there’s almost an Alice in Wonderland/upside-down environment at play here, where the dating rules that apply in real-life are totally inverted. On sites like this one, the longer you play games and wait to respond to a guy who shows initial interest, the higher the likelihood he’ll have moved onto someone else by then.
So I struck while the iron was hot.
User Name: lady_reporter
A member since: August 2011.
Lovely to hear from you, but may I point out that’s only one personal fact about you whereas I told you loads?
Come on, fair is fair!
From: Guy_in_the_Sky
Hi again, and please excuse me, I’m kinda new to this whole online dating thing. Ok, so a few more nuggets about me.
Fact two is that I’m loving the fact that you’re tall. I’m on the six foot side myself as it happens and way back in my college dating days, I inevitably found myself going for ladies who I at least could share eye contact with.
And another bit of personal info? Gotta say, I find this whole online dating thing pretty tough to get a handle on. Guess I’m old-fashioned, but if you ask me, personal contact trumps online messaging any day.
So what do you think, Lady Reporter?
Personal contact? I thought, re-reading it. Was this guy really hinting that we swap phone numbers at this early stage? Wow, unheard of! I decided to play it cautious though and left a dignified pause, the exact length of the first half of an episode of Modern Family, before replying.
User Name: lady_reporter
Sorry, but this is just a quick message, as I can’t really chat right now. Long story, but I’m at a critical stage with my pear and almond tart. Thing is, baking is almost like a fundamental switch-off mechanism for me. In fact I don’t sleep right without knowing my chocolate biscuit cake is in the fridge and setting right.
Anyway, we’ve swapped a few basic facts, which I reckon now means we get to ask each other slightly more personal questions.
1. So whereabouts are you based exactly?
2. And you never mentioned if you’re married/separated/divorced? Not to be overly nosey or anything, but I’m a great believer that directness – and of course total honesty online – really is the best way.
Pinger on the oven’s calling me, gotta dash.
Bye for now,
Lady_reporter.
Right. If nothing else, that was bound to fish him out, I reckoned. If this guy was married – and you’d be astonished how many of them there are out there openly masquerading as single – chances are he just wouldn’t respond and would skulk quietly off to go and hassle someone else. After all, you’ve got to protect yourself on these sites. Can’t be too careful, etc.
I finished watching Modern Family and was just about to go over to Netflix, when curiosity got the better of me. And whaddya know, to my astonishment he’d already replied.
From: Guy_in_the_Sky
Excuse my lousy manners, Ma’am.
Ok, here goes. First up, I’m originally from Charleston, South Carolina, but right now, I’m based here in Atlanta, Georgia for work. You ever been to the Southern states? Best and most beautiful part of the US by a mile. And, just so you know, ladies like yourself who are into home cooking are generally held to be a deeply treasured species down here.
Second thing is that I’ve actually been married before. Amy and I had a wonderful, joyous ten years together, and I cherish that time as just about the happiest in my whole life. We got a son who lives here with me and his Grandma, and that little kid is the light of my life. Name of Logan. He’s six years old, cute as a button and smart as a whip. Yelling at me right now for spending too much time on my computer when he wants me to play Minecraft on his Xbox with him, so I guess that’s my cue to say over and out.
For now, at least.
You want to exchange photos and emails? Or maybe even real names? Seems kinda funny to keep referring to you as ‘Lady Reporter’.
Message me back real soon. Xxx
Photos and emails? Already? I blinked a bit in disbelief on account of how normally it can take days or even longer to get to this stage online. Ok, so this was clearly a ‘jump in two feet first’ kind of guy. So this time I left it a good hour before messaging him back, thinking safety first. Because you just never know online, do you?
User Name: lady_reporter
Me again.
So … you’re divorced? Separated? With shared custody of Logan?
With apologies if I come across as being a bit nosey. It’s just you really can’t be too careful these days, can you?
p.s. and just so you know, the entire screen of my iPad is now covered in flour, baking soda and apricot jam. And it’s ALL YOUR FAULT.
p.p.s. Logan sounds so adorable.
I hit the send key and waited. Six minutes this time, that’s exactly how long it took for him to get back to me.
A Very Good Sign.
From: Guy_in_the_Sky
Please excuse me. Guess being single for so long kind of makes me forget my manners. Fact is, I’m a widower. My beautiful wife Amy passed away when Logan was just eighteen months old. Most painful thing of all is that even though I try my best to keep her memory alive for him, truth is he barely remembers her. But right now, he keeps on badgering me for a new Mom and ‘younger brothers and sisters, that he can boss around’.
Gotta tell you, the whole dating landscape has changed a lot since before I got married. This
