her, either. It just makes me uncomfortable when she closes her eyes all spooky and reads my aura. Maybe I’m just paranoid, afraid she’s going to see some black squiggly thing that’s gonna kill me.”
She laughed. “Thanks for checking on things.”
“You had a rough day,” he said. Then he pulled her against him and for just a moment, held her.
It was what she needed, to feel him against her in the quiet of the night. It felt so good to have his strength wrapped around her; it had been three weeks since she’d felt the confident power in his arms. Then she pulled back. “I can’t,” she said in a whisper. “This is the hardest part to let go of, you, like this. My friend. My partner.”
“You don’t have to let go of it.”
“But everything is different now,” she said.
“It’s not for me. Come here,” he said, pulling her back. He put his arms around her again and her mind flashed back. Do you know how many times I put my arms around you to hold you? And how many times you told me not to get any ideas? God, Gerri! She allowed herself to be held for a luxurious moment, wondering if it was a mistake to indulge in him, even this safely, this briefly.
“Do you remember when I met you?” he asked softly. “You were my witness in a child molest case that was shaky. The second I met you, you scared the hell out of me.”
“No, I didn’t,” she said.
“Oh-ho,” he chuckled. “I knew immediately, you would never be uncomplicated, quiet. Manageable. You were on fire. I wasn’t sure putting you on the stand was a good idea.”
She pulled back slightly. “How’d I work out?” she asked.
“You were brilliant. I had to have you.” He pulled her back toward him. “How are we doing here? We making any progress?”
“We’re not screaming at each other, but I have a lot of issues.”
“Any chance we can work on some of those issues under the same roof?” he asked. “I hate not living with you. And the kids need us to be together.”
“Don’t ask me to take responsibility for that.”
“I understand,” he said.
She pulled out of his arms and took a step away from him. “I wonder if you do understand, Phil. The kids—they want us together again, no matter what the cost is to me. They want me to look the other way, get over it. They’re not hating you for what you did to our marriage, they’re mad at me for taking offense that you had another woman in your life for two years. I knew this would be hard, but I never knew that, no matter which way I turned, it would end up being my fault.”
“It’s not.”
“It is,” she said, suddenly hurting all over again. “It’s my fault I can’t live with you because of it, my fault I found out, my fault I got mad about it.... You spent two years boinking some woman from the office, but three weeks is too long for me to be upset about it! What is it with mothers, huh? Why is everything in the whole goddamn world always the mother’s fault?”
“You don’t think they’re just a little pissed at both of us?”
“No, I don’t. I think you’re coming off looking like a good guy who made a little mistake and I look like a stubborn, angry, unforgiving demon.”
“Aw, Jesus, Gerri—come on, let’s not do this. For a minute there we were actually friends.”
“There it is again. It’s like I’m doing it to you.”
“What if I let you hook electrodes to my balls and just fire away until you think I’ve paid? How about that? Huh?” he asked, giving in to his own anger.
She smiled at him and started walking backward. “Tempting, Phil. But I’m just going to try to resolve my problems with the situation. Thanks for helping me out tonight. Talk to you later,” she said. Then she hit the electric garage door button and closed him out.
He’d never get it. It wasn’t just the other woman. It was him needing the other woman. It made her feel not good enough. It bit so deep, she ached with it.
* * *
If it was true that men married their mothers, Gerri would be proud. Muriel Gilbert was on her short list of most admired women.
Phil had two younger brothers, both married. One lived back east, one in San Diego. Muriel and Stan Gilbert kept a small condo in Scottsdale, but they spent much of their time in other locales. They made use of time shares they’d had for years and owned modest investment properties in Boulder, Maui and San Miguel, Mexico, that they leased to vacationers when they weren’t using them. That, and homesteading with each of their sons for weeks at a time.
Having been married as long as she had, Gerri had heard a million stories about the worst mothers-in-law on the planet, but hers was the best. Muriel had embraced Gerri as a daughter the second they met and proved to be a fantastic grandmother who was devoted but didn’t get in the way too much. She was very careful to follow second to Gerri’s mother after the births and never pressured them for visits, for time. They started out as friends, for which Gerri had been so grateful. But then Gerri’s own mother died and had it not been for Muriel, she wouldn’t have gotten through it. Muriel came immediately, skipping her summer in Maui, and stayed on, getting Gerri and the family past that horrendous period, and then came back when Gerri’s father was dying, and again, helped them pull things together. But the time after all that was probably the most significant. Muriel stepped in as the mother Gerri had lost. Friendship yielded to kinship and Gerri adored and respected her.
Muriel and Stan were spending the spring in Mexico and they called every weekend to talk to the kids. Gerri knew it was only a matter of time before someone slipped, mentioned that Mom and Dad weren’t living together at the moment. Gerri was pretty sure Phil hadn’t dealt with his family on this issue—all his energy seemed focused on making it go away. So she called Mexico.
“I have some news that’s going to startle you, so be sure you’re sitting down.”
“I’m sitting,” Muriel said. “What is it?”
“Phil and I have separated. We have some problems.”
Gerri heard a whoosh of air on the line, probably the sound of Muriel sitting down. “Merciful heavens,” she said weakly. “What on earth?”
Gerri took a breath. “The kids know the bare facts, so it’s only reasonable that you do. I just learned that years ago he had an affair, one that lasted two years. He admits it, he’s sorry, he’ll do absolutely anything to atone, but honestly, Muriel...Well, it was me. I asked him to sleep somewhere else for the time being. While we both get a little counseling. That’s the best I can do.”
“An affair?” she asked in a breath. “Phil?”
“That was my exact reaction.”
“Of all my sons... Oh, hell, of all the men I know, I would’ve judged Phil to be the last!”
“I know. Please,” Gerri said earnestly, “please don’t blame me.”
“Oh,
