etched in their drawn, anguished faces as they relived the image of their son’s backward descent, picturing him landing hard onto the unforgiving rocks. They had seen the photos: the blood on his face, his spine shattered.
Having to think of him lying there all night. The surf washing against him. Gulls picking over his body.
I remembered Gabby’s words: Your brother feels responsible, Jay.
Of course he feels responsible. Evan had become him. Charlie had passed his legacy of disease and blame onto him. Fanned it, like a brushfire, with their anger and how they lived, pointing the finger at everyone for what had gone wrong in their failed lives.
And not to mention they were the ones who had called the police and sent him away.
Gabriella shook her head in frustration and balled her fists. ‘Oh, Jay, you don’t know how tough this is. I held him in my arms. That first day. Every parent has a dream for their child. I told my son, “You are going to make us proud. You are going to live the life we’ve never led.” A child is supposed to go farther than their parent. That’s how it’s supposed to happen, right? That’s the law of nature. Not this . . .’
I gazed up at that ledge and knew whatever hope they still harbored that their son had simply slipped was just another of their delusions. Why would anyone have climbed all this way, other than to jump? Why would he have remained up there through the night? And, ultimately, like Sherwood grimly said, why did it matter? Evan was dead. No one would ever tell us what was in his mind.
Suddenly Gabriella picked up a stone and flung it against the rocks. Then another, freeing her pent-up rage. ‘You bastard!’ she yelled into the wind. ‘Damn you!’
Damn you.
I didn’t know if she meant Evan or God, or maybe even the giant rock.
She yelled, ‘I want to know why my son had to die! I know we’re poor. I know we don’t matter. But I deserve that, don’t I, Jay? Evan deserves that.’
She was right – this wasn’t the ending that had to be. It was the ending Evan received, because the system looked the other way
We all did, in our own way.
Gabby hurled another stone against the rocks.
Yes, Evan deserves that, I answered her in my mind. That’s the least he deserves.
Watching her, I knew why I was there.
Chapter 12
The Harbor View Recuperation Center was a converted, white Victorian house with a large front porch and a green awning on a quiet street, a few blocks from the town’s touristy center.
If Gabby wanted answers, this was the place to begin.
‘You’re sure you want to go in?’ I asked Charlie and Gabby as we pulled up across the street.
‘This woman killed our son!’ Gabriella declared bitterly. ‘She let him leave – when he was supposed to be in the care of people who would watch over him.’
‘Okay,’ I said. We parked the car and headed in.
A couple of Adirondack-type chairs with chipped paint sat on the porch. The lawn was thick and a bit overgrown, in need of trimming. Inside, we found a couple of elderly people milling about, just as Evan had described. I didn’t see any guards or orderlies around.
‘Look at this place,’ Gabriella said, her eyes flashing with barely controlled rage. ‘I can’t believe they dumped my son in this shit hole.’
I knocked on an office door and a squat, pleasant-looking woman in black pants and a floral blouse glanced up from her desk. She appeared Filipino.
‘My name’s Dr Jay Erlich,’ I said, introducing myself. ‘Evan was my nephew.’
Anna Aquino’s almond eyes grew wide. ‘Oh . . .’ She jumped up, came around the desk, and took my hand. ‘I am so, so sorry about what happened. I’ve run this facility for eight years. We’ve never had anything like that happen here before.’
‘These are Evan’s parents . . .’
Instead of being defensive, Anna Aquino took Gabriella’s hands warmly in hers and gave her a compassionate hug. ‘I spoke with you the night he disappeared. When he didn’t come back, I was so worried. He seemed like such a good kid, your son. If I knew he was in such a state, I never ever would have allowed him to be admitted.’
Gabriella pulled away. ‘What do you mean, if you knew he was in such a state? You let our boy just walk out of here. We trusted you to take care of him and now . . .’ She glared at the woman with reproach.
Over the years, I’ve seen my share of indifference when it came to caregivers. Nurses just going through the motions, care facilities doing the minimum, bilking the insurance companies. But Anna Aquino wasn’t like that at all.
‘Ms Erlich,’ she said, ‘I know how you must feel, but look around . . . This is an open facility. We don’t keep people here against their will. We’re not set up for that sort of thing here. We can’t even force our patients to keep on their medications. It’s strictly voluntary.
‘That first day, your son was like a zombie here. He was totally snowed on so much Seroquel he could barely talk. He wouldn’t even eat. But by the afternoon of the next day, he seemed so much better. I know he called you –’
‘Yes,’ Gabriella said, ‘he said he wanted to make the best of it here, but . . .’
‘That afternoon, he came up to me and told me he was going to go for a walk. I was actually excited to hear it. I thought he was coming back to life. He said he was just going to walk around the town. When he didn’t come back, of course, we were worried, and that’s when we called . . .’
‘I think what my brother and sister-in-law would like to know,’ I asked plainly, ‘is just how a violent, bipolar kid on suicide watch only a couple of days before could simply be allowed to walk out the door.’
Anna looked into my eyes and shook her head. ‘Because no one ever informed us of that, Doctor Erlich.’
I squinted, not sure I’d heard her properly. ‘What?’
‘No one told us your nephew had been suicidal. Or about any of his behavioral history. I had no record on him at all, other than he was bipolar and had spent time at County and was placed on a high dosage of Seroquel. Believe me, if I thought he was a danger to anyone – or to himself – there’s no way I would ever have admitted him here. You can see for yourself we’re not equipped for that sort of thing.’
‘You’re telling me you received no patient history?’
‘No.’ Anna shook her head. ‘Zero. They just drop them here. Like baggage. With a two-line diagnosis and a medication chart. When they saw I had an open bed, they brought him here. I’m a state-funded facility, Mr and Mrs Erlich, so I can’t simply refuse. This is my biggest frustration. They never give me any history. You see my patients here . . . We specialize in dementia and Alzheimer’s care. Believe me, if I knew your son was schizophrenic – not to mention suicidal!
