stood in silence for a moment, neither one of them quite sure what to say, yet neither one ready to end the conversation. Seven years of marriage, she thought, and this is what it’s come to. Two people who can’t stay together, yet can’t walk away from each other. And now there’s no time left to work things out between us.
A new page came over the address system: ‘Dr McCallum stat to ER.’
Jack looked at her, his expression torn. ‘Emma—’
‘Go, Jack,’ she urged him. ‘They need you.’
He gave a groan of frustration and took off at a run for the ER.
And she turned and walked the other way.
July 12
Aboard ISS
From the observation windows of the Node 1 cupola, Dr William Haning could see clouds swirling over the Atlantic Ocean two hundred twenty miles below. He touched the glass, his fingers skimming the barrier that protected him from the vacuum of space. It was one more obstacle that separated him from home. From his wife. He watched the earth turn beneath him, saw the Atlantic Ocean slip away as North Africa and then the Indian Ocean slowly spun by, the darkness of night approaching. Though his body was weightless and floating, the burden of grief seemed to squeeze down on his chest, making it difficult for him to breathe.
At that moment, in a Houston hospital, his wife was fighting for her life, and he could do nothing to help her. For the next two weeks he would be trapped here, able to gaze down at the very city where Debbie might be dying, yet unable to reach her, touch her. The best he could do was close his eyes and try to imagine he was at her side, that their fingers were entwined.
You have to hang on. You have to fight. I’m coming home to you.
‘Bill? Are you okay?’
He turned and saw Diana Estes float from the U.S. lab module into the node. He was surprised she was the one inquiring as to his well-being. Even after a month of living together in close quarters, he had not warmed up to the Englishwoman. She was too cool, too clinical. Despite her icy blond good looks, she was not a woman he’d ever feel attracted to, and she had certainly never favored him with the least hint of interest. But then, her attention was usually focused on Michael Griggs. The fact that Griggs had a wife waiting for him down on earth seemed irrelevant to them both. Up here on ISS, Diana and Griggs were like the two halves of a double star, orbiting each other, linked by some powerful gravitational pull.
This was one of the unfortunate realities of being one of six human beings from four different countries trapped in close quarters. There were always shifting alliances and schisms, a changing sense of us versus them. The stress of living so long in confinement had affected each of them in different ways. Russian Nicolai Rudenko, who had been living aboard ISS the longest, had lately turned sullen and irritable. Kenichi Hirai, from Japan’s NASDA, was so frustrated by his poor command of English, he often lapsed into uneasy silence. Only Luther Ames had remained everyone’s friend. When Houston broke the bad news about Debbie, Luther was the one who had known instinctively what to say to Bill, the one who had spoken from his heart, from the human part of him. Luther was the Alabama-born son of a well-loved black minister, and he had inherited his father’s gift for bestowing comfort.
‘There’s no question about it, Bill,’ Luther had said. ‘You gotta go home to your wife. You tell Houston they’d better send the limo to get you, or they’ll have to deal with me.’
How different from the way Diana had reacted. Ever logical, she had calmly pointed out that there was nothing Bill could do to speed his wife’s recovery. Debbie was comatose; she wouldn’t even know he was there. As cold and brittle as the crystals she grows in her lab, was what Bill thought of Diana.
That’s why he was puzzled that she was now asking about him. She hung back in the node, as remote as always. Her long blond hair waved about her face like drifting sea grass.
He turned to look out the window again. ‘I’m waiting for Houston to come into view,’ he said.
‘You’ve got a new batch of E-mail from Payloads.’
He said nothing. He just stared down at the twinkling lights of Tokyo, now poised at the knife edge of dawn.
‘Bill, there are items that require your attention. If you don’t feel up to it, we’ll have to split up your duties among the rest of us.’
Duties. So that’s what she had come to discuss. Not the pain he was feeling, but whether she could count on him to perform his assigned tasks in the lab. Every day aboard ISS was tightly scheduled, with little time to spare for reflection or grief. If one crew member was incapacitated, the others had to pick up the slack, or experiments went untended.
‘Sometimes,’ said Diana with crisp logic, ‘work is the best thing to keep grief at bay.’
He touched his finger to the blur of light that was Tokyo. ‘Don’t pretend to have a heart, Diana. It doesn’t fool anyone.’
For a moment she said nothing. He heard only the continuous background hum of the space station, a sound he’d grown so accustomed to he was scarcely aware of it now.
She said, unruffled, ‘I do understand you’re having a hard time. I know it’s not easy to be trapped up here, with no way to get home. But there’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to wait for the shuttle.’
He gave a bitter laugh. ‘Why wait? When I could be home in four hours.’
‘Come on, Bill. Get serious.’
**
‘I am serious. I should just get in the CRV and go.’
‘Leaving us with no lifeboat? You’re not thinking straight.’ She paused. ‘You know, you might feel better with some medication. Just to help you get through this period.’
He turned to face her, all his pain, all his grief, giving way to rage. ‘Take a pill and cure everything, is that it?’
‘It could help. Bill, I just need to know you won’t do something irrational.’
‘Fuck you, Diana.’ He pushed off from the cupola and floated past her, toward the lab hatchway.
‘Bill!’
‘As you so kindly pointed out, I’ve got work to do.’
‘I told you, we can divide up your duties. If you’re not feeling up to it—’
‘I’ll do my own goddamn work!’
He drifted into the U.S. lab. He was relieved she didn’t follow him. Glancing back, he saw her float toward the habitation module, no doubt to check the status of the Crew Return Vehicle. Capable of evacuating all six astronauts, the CRV was their only lifeboat home should a catastrophe befall the station. He had spooked her with his mutterings about hijacking the CRV, and he regretted it. Now she’d be watching him for signs of emotional meltdown.
