and Scalextric set, is one of those men who doesn’t feel right until he’s had his body pumped with female hormones and his penis removed?
Mary feels dizzy and nauseous as she saves the feature and shuts down the laptop. Taking a moment to compose herself, she gets up to turn off the light, then makes her way back to her own room. She slips back into bed beside Eugene, deciding that, no matter how much she loves her husband with every cell of her being, she can never tell him that their darling son would like his bra to be removed by someone’s teeth.
Chapter Thirty-Six
‘Eddy? Hi, it’s me, Nadine.’
‘Hey, how you doing?’
‘Fine, I suppose.’ She frowns and shifts position on the sofa. There are frequent kicks now, and she loves the feeling, imagining her baby dancing or somersaulting.
‘Still with the in-laws?’ There’s a trace of amusement in his voice.
‘No, I’m not. It didn’t go very well, to be honest, so I’ve come home early. Caught a train this afternoon.’ She slides a hand over her small bump, wondering if the baby can sense it there.
‘Why? What happened?’
‘Oh, the dad was okay – wasn’t exactly the fun, jolly type that Rob had made him out to be, but at least he didn’t fly off the handle when I dared to suggest that I might go back to work one day, or make a big fuss because I wouldn’t eat their unpasteurised cheeses …’
‘They didn’t try to force-feed you, did they?’ Eddy sniggers. ‘Maybe they were just concerned. After all, you are supposed to be eating for two …’ There’s a babble of voices in the background, and music, and Nadine senses that he’d like to wind up this call as quickly as possible.
‘It’s not funny, Eddy. His mum was horrible – a dried-up old cow who kept calling me Nay-dine.’ She slips into a Yorkshire accent: ‘“Ah can’t see the point of having children unless you’re going to spend eighteen years wiping their bums and strapped to the sink.” Old bitch!’ She blinks away a tear. ‘And to think she’s going to be grandma to my baby …’
‘Well …’ He pauses. ‘… You think.’
Nadine blinks at the star-shaped fairy lights – her only concession to Christmas decorations this year – which she’s artfully draped around the Debenhams print. Part of the strand is dangling down but she doesn’t have the energy to put it back up.
‘I told you, Eddy, it probably is Rob’s.’
‘Well, let’s bloody hope so.’
‘That’s nice,’ she says coolly, remembering Eddy’s lack of concern over the split condom that last time.
He sighs, and she senses exasperation gusting down the phone. ‘Oh, sweetie, I didn’t mean it like that. But I’m sure you’re right – it is far more likely, the way I’ve treated my body these past few years …’
‘I don’t think it comes down to how much drink and drugs you consume, Eddy—’
‘Of course it does!’ He guffaws. ‘It’s in every magazine you read, isn’t it? Including ours. It’s a pretty safe bet that I’ve annihilated ninety-eight percent of my sperm by now.’
God, he’s such an idiot. Why did she never realise what an absolute self-centred little jerk he is? Just as well she’s with Rob now …
‘It’s working out with you and Robster, though, isn’t it?’ he asks.
‘D’you really care if it is or not?’
‘’Course I do.’
She sniffs loudly. ‘Um, yes, I think so… . I mean he’s sweet to me and everything … but there’s his kids – what am I going to do about them? They hardly said a word to me today, and I don’t know how to behave with them, whether to try and make friends or just leave them be …’
‘They’re probably a bit freaked out. I’m sure they’ll be fine …’
‘And what about his mother?’ she charges on, feeling her heart rate quicken, which can’t be good for the baby. ‘It wasn’t just the childcare and cheese thing, Eddy. She hated me, I could see it in her eyes, the way I’ve ripped her perfect son’s marriage apart …’
‘For God’s sake, Nads, she can’t have been that bad.’
‘She looked like she wanted to stab me with that cheese knife!’
‘Oh, babes.’
Is that all he can say? It’s easy for him to be dismissive when he’s sitting in a bar surrounded by friends with a drink in front of him. Her bottom lip is wobbling now, her vision fuzzing through tears. She’d never imagined that pregnancy would make you feel like this – highly emotional, prone to dramatic mood swings – or maybe that’s just her, and the situation she’s found herself in. She just needs someone to talk to. Sure, Nadine has plenty of friends, but while they still come over for the odd girlie night, she’s noticed that they’ve become slightly less keen to hang out with her. ‘We didn’t think you’d want to come,’ Jade said the other day when it transpired that she, Sasha and Harriet had been out shopping together. Why wouldn’t she? Pregnant women still buy clothes. They still meet up with friends to gossip and chat … don’t they? Or are they supposed to wear rags and live as hermits?
‘Anyway,’ Nadine tells Eddy curtly, ‘I’ll let you get back to your night out.’
‘I’m at home actually, just having a few festive drinkies with Frank and Ava and a few others.’
‘Oh. So, er … they heard everything you said just then.’
‘No, of course they didn’t …’
‘Well,’ she says coolly, ‘say hi for me.’ You could have invited me, she thinks as she finishes the call; but of course, she was supposed to be at Eugene and Mary’s grand old house in Kent, charming these supposedly lovely people to the point at which they’d get over the Rob/Kerry break-up and welcome her into their family.
Nadine places her phone on the table. She pictures Eddy and the others all lolling around in his beige, minimalist flat, with his ridiculously huge Christmas tree (silver baubles only) where she used to spend the night occasionally until that last time, three days before her encounter on the sofa bed with Rob.
Don’t be so bitter, she tells herself out loud as she undresses in the bathroom in preparation for a lovely long soak. Negative feelings can’t be good for the baby. Eddy gave her that first big break, after all, when she barely had a qualification to her name. There she was, just eighteen years old, with a paid junior position on a trashy little soft porn magazine called I’m Hot, whereas most of her friends had ended up doing unpaid internships for what felt like forever. Making it clear that he fancied her, Eddy then took her with him to a short-lived free weekly magazine, teasing her that if she didn’t make the grade, she’d be the one handing it out at Tube stations in the pouring rain. Finally, when he landed the editorship of Mr Jones, he forced out that hatchet-faced
