Nothing.”
She examined my face, looking at me hard, as if she were trying to find a sign I was telling her the truth. “Are they still in Vermont?” she asked, the anger in her voice waning.
“I guess so. I don’t know. I left before college, and I haven’t spoken to them since.”
“And you never had any contact with them? They never tried to find you?”
“No. As far as I know, they were just as happy to be rid of me as I was to be rid of them. My cousins, Tommy’s kids, they always reminded me I wasn’t one of them, and I didn’t belong. I didn’t look like them, I didn’t act like them. I was smart, I wanted to succeed in life. When my eldest cousin, just two years older than me, finished high school, I took off that summer. I was seventeen years old, I had worked after school to earn some money, and when I could afford to get out of there, I got a one-way ticket to Chicago and never looked back.”
“Jesus.” She gently scooted up beside me and laid her hand on my lap. “No wonder you left.”
“Yes.” I sat up at attention, surprised she could understand me. “Yes, I had to get out. I needed life, I needed to be loved and respected and seen. I needed to be up in lights, on top of the world...” Just as suddenly as I felt understood, it flipped, and I felt like I was right back in Vermont. I felt vulnerable and desperate for the first time since leaving Burlington, and I hated it.
Juliette looked at me for what felt like years before speaking again. “It all makes sense,” she said. “No wonder you went looking for my father. He’s the opposite of what you grew up with.”
“Yes.” I glanced away, afraid of being exposed, of letting anyone see that I did in fact have vulnerabilities. “I will never allow that to happen to me. I will never be nothing the way they were. I can only accept the best, be the most successful, amass the highest achievements possible. Otherwise, I just won’t be a part of it. I learned to hate it, Juliette.”
“And it’s no wonder my father went looking for you.” She stared out toward the sea in front of us. The breeze blew her hair out of her face, and I could see a pained expression. “He wanted a son, an heir. Someone like-minded, who he could mold into his successor. Someone exactly like you, who thinks he’s the be-all and end-all. I feel like you two have been searching for each other.”
“I was jealous when you told me he was your father,” I admitted. “I had always looked up to him in that way, and I wanted my father to be like him. All drive and ambition, never satisfied, all hunger for the best.”
She turned to me suddenly, stern and almost scolding. “But please tell me that’s not why you want to marry me.”
I pulled her onto my chest and stroked her long hair to help ease the tension. “I want to marry you because I love you, Juliette.” I’d never said the words to another human being before, and they felt foreign and sticky coming out of my mouth. “It has nothing to do with Marcus.”
Those were the words she needed to hear, to be reassured that we were both going into the marriage for the right reasons. Before the conversation ended, I made sure to add a final caveat. “One more thing,” I began, “no one knows the truth about where I came from, and it’s going to stay that way. If you ever repeat anything I told you, there will be trouble.”
I realized my comments were bordering on threatening, but Juliette understood me. I had only scratched the surface of the truth of my upbringing, and I hadn’t yet shared with Juliette how I got out of there and into the world where she found me.
Two days later, we had a small ceremony on the beach in front of our rented house and cemented our mutual commitment.
In the time since I had stepped out of the public’s attention, Stu Bogovian had hired a different attorney to represent him during the sentencing and subsequent appeals, but Marcus made sure it appeared my absence was for the sake of my wedding and honeymoon.
“You want to get all the way to the top, don’t you, Peter? There are steps to be taken, and it’s a very delicate dance you have to perform to get where you want to be.” As if he were raising a son, he was using me to proliferate his own legacy. “You lost a very public and very high-profile case, and your client has been sentenced to the maximum. You needed to get that ego in check. Your law school reputation and the name you made for yourself at that white-bread firm were impeccable. We needed to dismantle that a bit.”
I seethed listening to him. I felt like he was treating me like a lost little boy, scolding me and putting me down. “I don’t need to be publicly humiliated just to be put in my place, Marcus. I’m extremely good at my job, and I would appreciate it if I could get back to work on the kinds of cases I should be working on.”
“Don’t worry, Peter.” He laughed a hearty, guttural laugh and slapped my shoulder. “The rest of this is going to be fun for you. There’s no more losing involved. You’re making the right moves now. Getting married was a very good step. People trust a married man, especially one married to such a humanitarian as Juliette. Her shine will reflect on you, and you’ll fall in with the right crowd.” Marcus’s demeanor shifted in that moment, and he turned his back to me, holding his hand to his mouth.
“What?” I demanded, fearing his caginess. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“There are two things.” He turned to face me but didn’t take his hand away from his mouth. “First, I’m going to give you some cases, and you’ll have to win. None of the big ones—leave that to me and Sinan. You just have to keep winning and do it powerfully and without remorse. That’s the way I’ve gotten to where I am today, and where you want to be.”
I wanted to protest. How could he withhold all the desirable cases from me? “And the second?” I asked with teeth clenched.
“The second step is more personal, more private. Something I need from you because I never did it myself.”
“Stop stalling, Marcus.”
“I never had a son, and now you’re here filling that role. And if this empire is going to last beyond my death and yours, we’ll need an heir. You’ll need to become a father.”
Jamie and I ride in silence up to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and I can’t think of a thing to say to him.
“How are you adjusting?” I attempt, just as Jamie opens his mouth to say, “Was Claire supposed to come?”
We both grumble awkward half laughs, and I wave Jamie to go on, so he asks his question again. “Um, tonight, to this party, wasn’t Claire supposed to go instead of me?”
“The invitation was addressed to me, and I was permitted a guest, so frankly, it’s up to me who I bring,” I respond. “And Claire never seems comfortable at these things anyway.”
“Oh.” He adjusts his seat and tugs at his sleeves.
“You’re not uncomfortable at these events, are you?”
“Where are we going again?” Jamie looks beyond me, out the window as we continue north on Madison Avenue.
“The
