The Hero’s Guide to Storming the Castle. Christopher Healy

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      For Noelle

       Title Page

       Dedication

       Map of the Thirteen Kingdoms

       PART II: UNCOVERING THE PLOT

       7. A Hero Has No Idea What’s Going On

       8. The Villain Redecorates

       9. A Hero Makes It Up as He Goes Along

       10. A Hero Takes No for an Answer

       11. A Hero Is Grossed Out by Sticky Floors

       12. A Hero Has No Sense of Direction

       13. The Villain Feeds the Fish

       14. A Hero Starts New Traditions

       15. A Hero Has a Ball

       16. A Hero Forgets the Lyrics

       17. The Villain Just Wants to Have Fun

       18. A Hero Has Friends in High Places

       PART III: STORMING THE CASTLE

       19. The Villain Pulls the Strings

       20. A Hero Acts Like a Clown

       21. A Hero Gets Dumped

       22. A Hero Hates Seafood

       23. A Hero Knows How to Count

       24. A Hero Smells a Rat

       25. The Villain Gives Two Thumbs-Down

       26. A Hero Tells It Like It Is

       27. A Hero Invites the Villain to Drop In

       28. The Villain Wins

       29. A Hero Doesn’t Know Where to Go Next

       29 1/2. The Villain Sheds a Tear

       Acknowledgments

       Back Ad

       Copyright

       About the Publisher

       true hero plays the flute.

      A true hero always carries an eyebrow comb.

      A true hero smells faintly of melon.

      Are any of these things true? It depends on the hero you’re talking about, of course. But you can find all these definitions of “hero”—and many more—in the how-to-be-a-hero instruction manual being written by one Prince Duncan of the kingdom of Sylvaria. Duncan’s original title for his book had been The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom, but he decided that was too specific. So he changed it to The Hero’s Guide to Everything in the Whole World. But that had kind of the opposite problem. He eventually settled on The Hero’s Guide to Being a Hero.

      Now, you may be asking yourself, Who is this Prince Duncan, and what makes him such an expert on heroes? To which I will respond by saying that perhaps you may have skipped a book on your way to this one. You should probably check on that.

      But even if you know who Prince Duncan is, you

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