Suddenly, it seems like the best idea in the world because maybe I could tell her about last night, share the devastation I feel. ‘Actually, that’s a good idea. I’ll phone and ask her.’
‘Don’t be long,’ he says, ‘it’s almost ready.’
‘I’ll only be a minute.’
I go into the hall, take the house phone – we can only get mobile reception upstairs in our house - and dial Rachel’s number. It takes her a while to answer and when she does her voice is heavy with sleep.
‘I’ve woken you,’ I say, feeling bad, remembering she only got back from her trip to New York yesterday.
‘It feels like the middle of the night,’ she says grumpily. ‘What time is it?’
‘Nine-thirty.’
‘So it is the middle of the night. Did you get my text?’
The question throws me and I pause, a headache building behind my eyes. ‘Yes, but I haven’t bought anything for Susie yet.’
‘Oh.’
‘I’ve been really busy,’ I say quickly, remembering that for some reason Rachel thinks we’re buying something together. ‘I thought I’d wait until today in case we changed our minds about what to get her,’ I add, hoping to prompt her into revealing what we’d decided.
‘Why would we? Everybody agreed yours was the best idea. Plus the party’s tonight, Cass!’
The word ‘everybody’ throws me. ‘Well, you never know,’ I say evasively. ‘I don’t suppose you want to come with me, do you?’
‘I’d love to but I’m so jet-lagged…’
‘Not even if I buy you lunch?’
There’s a pause. ‘At Costello’s?’
‘Done. Let’s meet in the café in Fentons at eleven, then I can buy you a coffee as well.’
I hear her yawning and then a rustle. ‘Can I think about it?’
‘No, you can’t,’ I tell her firmly. ‘Come on, out of bed. I’ll see you there.’
I hang up feeling a little lighter, pushing Susie’s present from my mind. After the news this morning, it feels a small worry in comparison.
I go back to the kitchen and sit down at the table.
‘How does that look?’ Matthew asks, swooping a plate of sausages, bacon and eggs in front of me.
It looks like I could never eat it but I smile enthusiastically. ‘Great! Thanks.’
He sits down next to me and picks up his knife and fork. ‘How’s Rachel?’
‘Fine. She’s going to come with me.’ I look at my plate, wondering how I’m going to do it justice. I take a couple of mouthfuls but my stomach rebels so I push the rest around for a bit, then give up. ‘I’m really sorry,’ I say, putting my knife and fork down. ‘I’m still full after the meal last night.’
He reaches over with his fork and spears a sausage. ‘It’s a shame to let it go to waste,’ he says, grinning.
‘Help yourself.’
His blue eyes hold my gaze, not letting it shift away. ‘Are you OK? You seem a bit quiet.’
I blink quickly a couple of times, sending the tears that are threatening my eyes back to where they came from. ‘I can’t stop thinking about that woman,’ I say. It’s such a relief to be able to talk about it that my words come out in a rush. ‘They said on the radio that the police are treating her death as suspicious.’
He takes a bite of sausage. ‘That means she was murdered, then.’
‘Does it?’ I ask, even though I know that it does.
‘That’s usually what they say until all the forensics have been done. God, how awful. I just don’t understand why she would put herself at risk, taking that road at night. I know she couldn’t have known that she’d be murdered, but still.’
‘Maybe she broke down,’ I say, clenching my hands together under the table.
‘Well, she must have. Why else would anyone stop along such a deserted road? Poor thing, she must have been terrified. There’s no phone signal in the woods so she must have been praying that someone would come along to help her – and look what happened when they did.’
I draw in my breath, a silent gasp of shock. It’s as if a bucket of ice-cold water has been thrown over me, waking me up, making me face up to the enormity of what I did. I had told myself that she had already phoned for help – yet I knew there was no signal in the woods. Why had I done that? Because I’d forgotten? Or because it had allowed me to leave with a clear conscience? Well, my conscience isn’t clear now. I had left her to her fate, I had left her to be murdered.
I push my chair back. ‘I’d better go,’ I tell him, busily picking up our empty mugs, praying he doesn’t ask me if I’m OK again. ‘I don’t want to keep Rachel waiting.’
‘Why, what time are you meeting her?’
‘Eleven. But you know how busy the town is on Saturdays.’
‘Did I hear that you’re having lunch with her?’
‘Yes.’ I give him a quick kiss on the cheek, wanting to be gone. ‘I’ll see you later.’
I fetch my bag and take the car keys from the hall table. Matthew follows me to the door, a piece of toast in his hand.
‘I don’t suppose you could pick up my jacket from the cleaner’s, could you? That way I can wear it tonight.’
‘Sure, have you got the ticket?’
‘Yes, hang on.’ He fetches his wallet and hands me a pink ticket. ‘It’s paid for.’
I slip it into my bag and open the front door. Sunlight streams into the hall.
‘Take care,’ he calls as I get into the car.
‘I will. Love you.’
‘I love you more!’
*
The road into Browbury is already heavy with traffic. I tap the steering wheel nervously. In my haste to get away from the house, I hadn’t thought about how it would feel to be in the car again, sitting in the same seat I’d been in when I saw the woman in the car. In an attempt to distract myself, I try to remember the present I’d suggested for Susie. She works in the same company as Rachel, in the Admin section. When Rachel said that everybody had agreed to my suggestion, I’m guessing she was referring to their group of friends from work. The last time we’d met up with them had been around a month ago and I remember Rachel talking about Susie’s fortieth birthday party, taking advantage of the fact that she hadn’t been able to join us
