it were unrelenting, passing through the gorge of the valley. Deep green rose on either side of us, as the stairs wound in and around ragged rocks, undulating through the ancient pines, till we reached the outskirts of the small village. Here the stone steps took us in between homes, bright red geranium blooms cascading from terracotta pots balanced on a prayer along uneven walls, palms offering regal salutes, cacti in the warm glow, their fruits ripening in the sun.
Rosalia’s sister’s home was modest, perched along the precipice of the cliff. She had a small terrace and two rooms. The table was laid with sfogliatelle and a large cake. The linen tablecloth lifted on the breeze. We took our seats upon the wooden benches and heaved a sigh of collected delight when she brought out a jug of home-made limonata. My legs were accustomed to walking these inclines but even I welcomed the respite. Elizabeth guzzled her drink. Rosalia lifted her up from me and sat her upon her lap, then gave her the reins to an imaginary horse so she could jiggle her into the infectious laughter of a toddler.
We toasted Rosalia’s sister. Then one of their brothers brought out a huge box. From inside he lifted an enormous record player to squeals of delight. He placed it upon the table and wound it up. Marino Marini began to tinkle his latest hit, ‘Piccolissima Serenata’. Everybody rose to their feet. Rosalia danced with Elizabeth upon her hip. Her sister held her husband. I turned toward the feeling of a tap at my elbow.
‘Shall we?’ Paolino asked. I hadn’t noticed him slip into the party. I could have avoided this had I done so. ‘Just one dance. Then I’ll leave you in peace.’
Perhaps it was the atmosphere, the folks about me caring little about their troubles for a short pause. They had neither the comfort nor security of wealth, nor regular work, but were full of celebration. I longed to know what that felt like. So long had I been fixed on my next voyage that I failed to enjoy these moments passing by. I watched the family around me, my mind filled with Marco. How long would I have to knit our pasts together before I departed again?
Without thinking I let my hand slip into Paolino’s. It was square and strong, a little rough along the tips of the fingers. He held mine with more grace than I would have expected and kept a polite distance, much to my relief. I felt a sudden awareness of my calf as we spun, then admonished my vanity. No one here cared whether it was half the size of my other one. I wasn’t here to impress anybody – least of all my dance partner.
‘You think they dance under the sun in America, Santina?’ he whispered in my ear.
I stiffened.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, his face relaxing into an expression close to genuine embarrassment. We swayed for a few beats. Rosalia’s family filled in the quiet gaps of our own dwindling conversation.
He stopped dancing but didn’t let go of my hands. ‘Can we talk somewhere?’
I noticed Mr Marini had moved onto ‘Perdoname’, his lament begging for forgiveness from his lover. Paolino led me out of the terrace and sat upon the wall surrounding the house. I felt for the donkey grappling the stairs as it passed by us, loaded with lemons in deep baskets hanging either side of his body, an unrelenting porter behind jeering him on.
‘Santina, I need to say these things. If I wait I’ll never forgive myself.’
I looked at my hands for a moment. Where was my mother’s fire to spit some wise retort at him, just enough to steer the conversation away from where I intuited it was headed?
‘You won’t believe me, for whatever reason. But truly, you are the most beautiful woman in this town.’
I took a breath, but should have known he would misunderstand it as a signal of studied feminine modesty.
‘You’re different,’ he added, ‘you’re not like the others. You’ve got your sights set on a bigger, brighter future than this little fishing village. I know that. I love that.’
‘Paolino, please,’ I interrupted at last, ‘stop before you say something you’ll be embarrassed about later.’
‘Nothing I want to tell you can embarrass me. I’m not scared of the truth. You shouldn’t be either.’
I stood up.
‘But you are,’ he said.
I hovered, angry that he was using his words to prod uncertainty out of me. His charm was as clumsy as I would have expected it to be after all.
‘I don’t think you’d know what the truth was if it slapped you round the face, Paolino. You know nothing about me.’
‘I know you’re compelling. You’re not like those girls who strut around town plastered with makeup to grab the attention of the foreigners. And you’ve survived living with my mother – that’s a small victory in itself!’
My involuntary laughter annoyed me. His smile changed his face. If I squinted I might even catch the bud of humility there.
‘Santina, I know nothing about you, it’s true. And I want to know everything.’
His eyes turned a deeper chestnut. I’d never noticed how thick his eyelashes were.
‘I’ve said too much. Sorry, Santina. You must have a lot on your mind. This is my final act of selfishness.’ He shrugged.
I said nothing.
He took my hand and kissed it.
My stomach tightened.
‘Come on, Rosalia’s tongue will be wagging!’ He smiled, changing trajectory with surprising ease.
We walked back onto the terrace. The sun had begun its descent.
‘I’ll be heading home now, Rosalia,’ I said, lifting Elizabeth out of her arms.
Her eyes twinkled with a familiar mischief. At last her plan unfurled.
‘And before you say what you’re thinking: No.’
‘No what?’
‘No to whatever scheme or romantic plan you’ve been salivating over. Paolino likes to say things he doesn’t mean. Or understand. You of all people can see that, surely?’
‘I see a lot of things, but that’s not one of them.’
I turned before she could tease me any further, kissed her sister on both cheeks and hiked downhill through the valley.
The house was quiet as we stepped back inside, the dusky pink plaster deepening in the final rays. Elizabeth, full of fresh air and exercise, gave in to sleep just as the stars twinkled in the midnight blue of early evening. I took my chair out onto the terrace outside my room. It was a warm evening that mocked the onset of autumn, whose creep over the valley felt a long way off even though it was almost October. The moon was full tonight, casting watery beams upon the glassy sea surrounding the tiny islands of Li Galli. There was a lot of talk in town of the Russian choreographer and the open air theater he had built there for dance recitals. I imagined ballerinas twirling in the moonlight, their limbs long and lean, allowing every expression to ripple through them. What must that feel like?
I unfolded the Major’s letter.
28 September 1958
