orgasm when Matt’s face flashed in front of her closed lids. Suddenly it was Matt’s body above her, thrusting himself into her, pushing her closer and closer to the edge and she came with an almighty shudder.
‘Wow.’ Steve rolled off her and lay back on the bed, breathing heavily. ‘That was great.’
‘It was.’ Sophie was glad he wasn’t looking at her face because she felt sure he would know what she had been thinking in those final, climactic moments. A feeling of guilt began to gnaw at her. Already she had deceived Steve and worse, she had fantasized about someone else while he was making love to her.
‘I’d better get ready for work.’ She slipped her legs over the side of the bed and sat up.
‘Yeah, me too. Wish I didn’t have to, though. Wish I could stay in bed with you all day.’
Sophie looked at him over her shoulder and smiled. ‘Me too.’ She felt obliged to say it even though she didn’t really mean it. She loved her work with a passion and couldn’t wait to get there most days. She had thought it was just because she had fulfilled a long-held ambition when she became a TV producer but it was more than that. She loved the buzz, the excitement. The people. One person in particular.
Steve quite enjoyed his job as an HR officer for a City bank but it was a million miles from where his ambitions lay. He was a comedy writer and he dreamed of making it a career one day. For now, though, they had a mortgage to pay on their two-bedroom flat in Balham in south London and they couldn’t afford for one of them to give up work just yet. Sophie sometimes felt guilty about it but more and more recently, she had begun to question why he had settled for such a dull career when he could have gone for something more exciting. Like she had.
She still loved him so deeply and couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. It was as if her adulthood had only really begun once she met him. But in the newsroom each day, she was surrounded by ambitious, thrusting, handsome, funny men who sometimes made Steve seem a little, well, boring. Every time the insistent little thought niggled at a corner of her brain, she would try to push it away but it always returned.
Walking into the newsroom later that morning, she was lost in thought and mulling over what news stories might feature in her bulletin, when Keira, another of the junior producers she worked with, sidled up and fell into step beside her. ‘So, it looks like someone’s got an admirer.’
Sophie frowned. ‘Sorry?’
Keira nudged her. ‘You. And Matt. Jez saw you leaving the newsroom together last night.’
Sophie’s insides dropped instantly with fear. ‘What? No. I mean, there was nothing in it. We just went for a drink.’ She started to stutter and could feel her cheeks burning, making her look guilty as hell.
‘Hey, you don’t need to defend yourself to me,’ Keira nudged her gently. ‘Who wouldn’t, given half a chance?’
‘No! You don’t understand. I wouldn’t. I have a boyfriend I’m very happy with. Matt’s a player. He could have anyone. He doesn’t want or need to bother with me.’
Keira looked at her closely, as if weighing up whether to believe her. ‘Seriously? You turned down Matt Whitelaw?’
‘No!’ Sophie could feel the frustration bubbling up inside her as she reached her desk and dumped her bag on the floor, before slumping into her chair. ‘I didn’t turn him down because he didn’t try anything on! We had a drink and I got a cab home. End of story. I don’t remotely fancy him and I doubt very much whether he remotely fancies me.’ Her voice rose as she spoke and by the time she had finished, she was aware that she had an audience. She looked around to see that Matt had arrived in the newsroom just in time to hear the last sentence.
He smiled at her easily and headed for his own desk, where he sat down and began typing at his keyboard. Keira mouthed the word ‘Oops’ and edged away towards her own seat.
Sophie took a second to compose herself before she turned to her computer and logged in. They had just had new computers installed with an operating system called Outlook Express which meant they could send emails to one another. Immediately, an email flashed up.
MATT WHITELAW: ACTUALLY I DO REMOTELY FANCY YOU.
‘So what? You didn’t do anything wrong.’ Melissa tucked her hands deep into the pockets of her oversized Barbour, as she and Sophie sat together on the sea wall, looking out over the choppy water while a flock of seagulls squealed through the deepening sky.
‘I wouldn’t have done anything wrong if I’d left it there.’ If only. If only I had left things there.
Sophie let herself into the flat and crept towards the bedroom door, which was ajar. She peeped her head around it and strained her eyes to see if she could make out the figure of Steve asleep in the darkness.
‘If you’re looking for me, I’m in here.’
Sophie jumped. Her heart beginning to pound, she walked to the living room, where she found Steve sitting on the sofa in the dark, his back ramrod straight, staring at the wall.
‘What are you doing in here?’ She tried to keep her voice light-hearted, but she had a sudden feeling of foreboding. ‘Has something happened?’
Steve didn’t answer. Finally, he leaned over and clicked on the lamp beside him, bathing the small room in a golden glow. ‘Come and sit down, Sophie. I think we need to talk.’
The bile rose in Sophie’s throat. She had never seen Steve look so serious, his lovely dancing eyes now clouded with… something. She couldn’t work out if it was sadness, anger, jealousy or disgust. She sat down beside him, yet as far from him as possible, as if she was lowering herself onto a cushion of broken glass. How could she possibly be so nervous in the company of the man she had loved for the past eight years? ‘Steve? You’re scaring me. What’s the matter?’
Steve’s face softened as he gazed at her and she knew that whatever he was about to say, he still loved her. She could see it, sense it, smell it. He reached out and took her hand, stroking it gently. ‘I think we should split up.’
‘No! Oh my God, no!’ Her cheeks began to blaze with fear. ‘But… why?’
Steve reached out and stroked her face, catching her tears in his hand, his expression a mixture of sorrow and love. ‘I think we both know why.’
‘I don’t!’
‘But you do, sweetheart. We’ve started leading separate lives. Ever since you joined that programme you’ve been drifting away from me. I know you so well, Sophie. I can tell. I know that you think I’m boring compared to all those testosterone-fuelled blokes you work with.’
‘No! You’ve got it all wrong. I don’t think you’re boring. I love you!’ It occurred to Sophie that it was only now, as she spoke the words, that she realized how true they were.
Steve shook his head sadly, and cupped her face in his hand. His strong, smooth, beautiful hand. ‘You’ve had no idea where I’ve been every evening and I’ve
