a little at the name. Her sister, who had died earlier this year, he remembered, and felt like an ass again for showing up out of the blue like this, dredging up the past. What would happen if he left town right now and went back to his real life in the Bay Area and pretended none of this had ever happened?
He couldn’t do that, as tempting as he suddenly found the idea. To a man who had spent his adult life trying to clear through the clutter in his personal and professional lives, this was all so messy and complicated. But like it or not, Sage was his daughter. He was here now, and had been given the chance after all these years to come to know this young woman who bore half his DNA and who reminded him with almost painful intensity of an innocent part of himself he had left behind a long time ago.
“A child can never have too many people who love her, Mom. You taught me that. Why did you keep my father out of our lives all this time? He didn’t have any idea I even existed. If he hadn’t come to campus to give a lecture, both of us would still be in the dark.”
“A lecture?”
“Right. On sustainable design, one of my own passions. It was wonderful, really inspiring. I went up afterward to talk to him and mentioned I was from Hope’s Crossing. It only took us a minute to figure things out.”
Maura frowned. “Figure what out? That the two of us dated when I was barely seventeen? How could you both instantly jump from that to thinking he’s your…your sperm donor?”
The term annoyed the hell out of him. “Because neither of us is stupid. She told me who her mother was. When I asked how old she was, I could figure out the math. I knew exactly who you were with nine months before her birthday.”
And ten months before and eleven months and every spare moment they could get their hands on each other that summer.
“That doesn’t prove a thing. You took off. You weren’t here, Jack. How do you know I didn’t pick up with the whole basketball team after you left?” Defiance and something that looked suspiciously like fear flashed in her eyes.
She had been a virgin their first time together. They both had been, fumbling and awkward and embarrassed but certain they were deeply in love. Even if not for the proof sitting beside him, he wouldn’t have believed the smart and loving girl she had been would suddenly turn into the kind of girl who would sleep around with just anybody.
“Look at her,” he said, gentling his tone. “She has my mother’s nose and my mouth and chin. We can run the DNA, but I don’t need to. Sage is my daughter. For three days, I’ve just been trying to figure out why the hell you didn’t tell me.”
For the first time, she met his gaze for longer than a few seconds. “Think about it, Jack,” she finally said. “What difference would it have made? Would you have come back?”
He couldn’t lie, to her or to himself. “No. But you could have come with me.”
“And lived in some rat-hole apartment while you dropped out of college and worked three jobs to support us, resenting me the whole time? That would have been the perfect happily-ever-after every young girl dreams about.”
“I still had a right to know.”
She suddenly looked tired, defeated, and he saw deep shadows in her eyes that he sensed had nothing to do with him.
“Well, I guess you know now. Yes. She’s your daughter. There was no one else. There it is. Now you know, and we can be one big, freaking happy family for the holidays.”
“Mom.” Sage moved forward a little as if to reach for Maura’s hand, but then she checked the motion and slid back into her chair.
Pain etched Maura’s features briefly, but she contained it. “Okay. I should have told you. Give me a break here. I was just a scared kid who didn’t know what to do. You left without a forwarding address, Jack, and didn’t contact me one single time after you left, despite all your promises. What else was I supposed to do? I finally tracked down your number at Berkeley about four months after you left and tried to call you. Three times I tried in a week. Once you were at the library, and twice you were on a date, at least according to your roommate. I left my number, but you never called me back, which basically gave me the message loud and clear that you were done with me. What more was I supposed to do?”
He remembered those first few months at school after that last horrible fight with his father, after he had opted to leave everything behind—even the only warm and beautiful thing that had happened to him in Hope’s Crossing since his mother’s death.
He remembered the message from Maura his roommate had given him and the sloppily scrawled phone number. He had stared at it for hours and had even dialed the number several times, but had always hung up.
She had been a link to a place and a past he had chosen to leave behind, and he’d ultimately decided it was in both their best interests if he tried to move on and gave her the chance to do the same.
That she had been pregnant and alone had never once occurred to him. Lord, he’d been an idiot.
Everything was so damn tangled, he didn’t know what to do—which was the whole reason he had agreed to give Sage a ride back to Hope’s Crossing to talk to Maura before he flew back to San Francisco.
“Look, we’re all a little emotional about this tonight. I didn’t realize you were unaware I was bringing Sage back to town.”
That little tidbit also appeared to be news to Maura. “You rode here with him?” she asked her daughter. “Is something wrong with the Honda?”
“It hasn’t been starting the last week or so. I think it just needs a new battery, but I figured I could drive the pickup while I was home and catch a ride back to school with one of my friends after the break. I can deal with the Honda before school starts next semester.”
“You should have called me. I could have driven to Boulder to pick you up.”
“Sorry, Mom. My car troubles just didn’t seem all that important in light of…everything else.”
“I guess that’s understandable.” Maura forced a smile, but he could clearly see the bone-deep weariness beneath it. What had happened to the vibrant, alive girl who’d always made him laugh, even when they were both dealing with family chaos and pain?
“So what now?” she asked. Though she looked at her daughter, he picked up the subtext of the question, directed at him. What else are you planning to do to screw up my life?
“I think you should get back to your book club Christmas party for now. I’m really sorry we interrupted it.”
“Between Ruth and Claire and your grandmother, I’m sure everything will be fine,” Maura assured her.
Much to his astonished dismay, tears filled Sage’s eyes. “But I know how much you always look forward to the party and the fun you have throwing it for your friends. It’s always the highlight of your Christmas. If anything, you needed it more than ever this year, and now I’ve ruined everything for you.”
Maura gave him a harsh look, as if this rapid-fire emotional outburst were his fault, then she stepped forward to wrap Sage in her arms.
“It’s only a party,” she said. “No big deal. They can all carry on just fine without me. And if
