a part of her life that she’d have to admit to later. Now that she was satiated, her caution was coming back. ‘This can’t happen again,’ she told him suddenly.
‘I know. I know.’ Nonetheless, his eyes followed his hand as he traced his fingers down her throat to her belly. He tapped at the ring and charm in her navel. ‘That’s… unusual.’
In the gently shifting lanternlight, the tiny skull winked up at them. ‘It was a gift from my dear sister,’ Althea said bitterly.
‘I…’ he hesitated. ‘I thought only whores wore them,’ he finished lamely.
‘That’s my sister’s opinion as well,’ Althea replied stonily. Without warning, the old hurt lashed her.
She suddenly curled herself smaller and managed to lie down in the bunk beside him. He snugged her into the curve of his body. The warmth felt good, as did the gentle tickling as he toyed with one of her breasts. She should push his hand away, she knew. She should let this go no further than it had. Getting up and getting dressed and going back to the forecastle would be the wisest thing she could do. Getting up in the chill cabin and putting her cold wet clothes back on… She shivered and pressed against his warmth. He shifted to put both arms around her and hold her close. Safe.
‘Why did she give you a wizardwood charm?’ She could hear the reluctant curiosity in his voice.
‘So I wouldn’t get pregnant and shame my family. Or catch some disfiguring disease that would let all Bingtown know what a slut I was.’ She deliberately chose the hard word, spat it out at herself.
He froze for an instant, then soothed his hand down her back. Stroking her, then gently kneading at her shoulders and neck until she sighed and relaxed into him again. ‘It was my own fault,’ she heard herself say. ‘I should never have told her about it. But I was only fourteen and I felt like I had to tell someone. And I couldn’t tell my father, not after he discharged Devon.’
‘Devon.’ He spoke the name, making it not quite a question.
She sighed. ‘It was before you came on board. Devon. He was a deckhand. So handsome, and always with a jest and a smile for anything, even misfortune. Nothing daunted him. He’d dare anything.’ Her voice trailed off. For a time she thought only of Brash’s hand gently moving over her back, unknotting the muscles there as if he were untangling a line.
‘That was where he and my father differed, of course. “He’d be the best deckhand on this ship if he had common sense,” Papa once told me. “And he’d make a good first, if he only knew when to get scared.” But Devon didn’t sail like that. He was always complaining that we could carry more sail than we did, and when he worked aloft, he was always the fastest. I knew what my father meant. When the other men tried to keep up with him, for pride’s sake, then work was done faster but not as thoroughly. Mistakes were made. And sailors got hurt. None seriously, but you know how my father was. He always said it was because the Vivacia was a liveship. He said accidents and deaths on board a liveship are bad for the ship; the emotions are too strong.’
‘I think he was right,’ Brashen said quietly. He kissed the back of her neck.
‘I know he was,’ Althea said in mild annoyance. She sighed suddenly. ‘But I was fourteen. And Devon was so handsome. He had grey eyes. He’d sit about on deck after his watch was over, and whittle things for me and tell me stories of his wandering. It seemed like he’d been everywhere and done everything. He never exactly spoke against Papa, to me or to the rest of the crew, but you could always tell when he thought we were sailing too cautious. He’d get this disdainful little smile at the corner of his mouth. Sometimes just that look could make my father furious with him, but I’m afraid I thought it was adorable. Daring. Mocking danger.’ She sighed. ‘I believed he could do no wrong. Oh, I was in love.’
‘And he acted on that, when you were fourteen?’ Brashen’s voice was condemning. ‘On your father’s ship? That’s far past the line of daring, into stupidity.’
‘No. It wasn’t like that.’ Althea spoke reluctantly. She didn’t want to tell him any of this, yet somehow she could not stop. ‘I think he knew how I adored him, and he sometimes flirted with me, but in a joking way. So I could treasure his words, even as I knew he didn’t mean them.’ She shook her head at herself. ‘But one night I got my chance. We were tied up at a dock in Lees. Quiet night. My father had gone into Lees on business, and most of the crew had liberty. I had the watch. I had had liberty earlier that day, and I’d gone into town and bought myself, oh, earrings, and some scent and a silk blouse and a long silk skirt. And I was wearing it all, all rigged out for him to see whenever he came back from the taverns. And when I saw him coming back to the ship early, by himself, my heart started hammering so hard I could barely breathe. I knew it was my chance.
‘He came aboard with a bound, like he always did, landing on the deck like a cat and stood before me.’ She gave a snort of laughter. ‘You know, we must have talked, I must have said something, he must have said something. But I can’t recall a word of it, only how happy I was to finally be able to tell him how much I loved him, with no need to be careful, for no one would over hear us. And he stood and grinned to hear me say it, as if he could not believe how fortune had favoured him. And… he took my arm and walked me across the deck. He bent me over a hatch cover, and lifted my skirts and pulled down my knickers… and he took me right there. Bent over a hatch cover, like a boy.’
‘He raped you?’ Brashen was aghast.
Althea choked back an odd laughter. ‘No. No, it wasn’t rape. He didn’t force me. I didn’t know a thing about it, but I was sure I was in love. I went willingly, and I stood still for it. He wasn’t rough, but he was thorough. Very thorough. And I didn’t know what to expect, so I suppose I wasn’t disappointed. And afterwards, he looked at me with that adorable grin and said, “I hope you remember this the rest of your life, Althea. I promise I will.’” She took a deep breath. ‘Then he went below and came back up with his sea-bag all packed and left the ship. And I never saw him again.’ A silence stretched out. ‘I kept watching and waiting for him to come back. When we left port two days later, I found out Papa had fired him as soon as we had docked.’
Brashen let out a low groan. ‘Oh, no.’ He shook his head. ‘Taking you was his revenge against your father.’
She spoke slowly. ‘I never thought of it quite that way. I always thought that it was just something he dared to do, reckoning he wouldn’t get caught.’ She forced herself to ask him, ‘You really think it was revenge?’
‘Sounds like it to me,’ Brashen said quietly. ‘I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard,’ he added softly. ‘Devon. If I ever meet him, I’ll kill him for you.’ The sincerity in his voice startled her.
‘The worst was afterwards,’ she admitted to him. ‘We got to Bingtown a couple of weeks later. And I was sure I must be pregnant. Just positive of it. Well, I dared not go to my father, and mother wasn’t much better. So I went to my married sister Keffria, sure that she could advise me. I swore her to silence and then I told her.’ Althea shook her head. She moved the cindin in her lip again. It had left a sore. The flavour was almost gone now.
‘Keffria?’ Brashen pushed her. He sounded as if he genuinely wanted to know the rest of the story.
‘Was horrified. She started crying, and told me I was ruined for ever. A slut and a whore and a shame to my family name. She stopped speaking to me. Four or five days later, my blood-days came, right on time. I found her alone and told her, and told her if she ever told Papa or Mama, I’d say she was lying. Because I was so
