she answered him. Her voice was either controlled or indifferent. His coat he hung on the bedpost. His shirt and folded trousers joined her shift on the lowboy. It pleased him to make her wait while he carefully removed his clothing and set it aside. Deferred pleasure, he thought to himself, like the warm tart and cream upon the fireside tray. That, too, awaited him.
He sat on the bed beside her, and ran his hands down her smoothness. There was a slight chill upon her skin. She did not speak nor move. She had learned, over the years, what he demanded. He paid for his satisfaction. He did not want her encouragement or enthusiasm, he did not need her approval. This was for his pleasure, not hers. He watched her face as he sleeked a hand down her. Her eyes did not seek his. She studied the ceiling above as he explored the planes of her flesh.
There was only one flaw to her smoothness. In her navel, small as an apple pip, was a tiny white skull. The little charm of wizardwood was attached to a fine silver wire that pierced her navel. Half her wages went to Bettel for the renting of the token. Early in his acquaintance with her, she had told him that it kept away both disease and pregnancy. It had been the first time he had heard of using wizardwood for charms. It had led to the face on his wrist. Such thoughts made him recall that the face had neither moved nor spoken since they had left the waters of the Others’ Island. Another waste of his time and money, another token that marked him as a fool. He gritted his teeth. Etta flinched minutely. He realized he had gripped her hip and squeezed it nigh to bruising. He released it and ran his hand down her thigh. Forget it. Think only of this.
When he was ready, he opened her thighs and mounted her. A dozen strokes and he emptied himself into her. All tension, all anger, all frustration ebbed away. For a time he lay upon her, resting, and then he had her again, leisurely. This time her arms came up around him to hold him, this time her hips rose to meet his, and he knew she found her own release. He did not begrudge that pleasure to her, as long as it did not interfere with his own. He surprised himself when he kissed her afterwards. She lay carefully still as he did so. He thought about it as he got off her. Kiss the whore. Well, he could if he wished; he paid to do whatever he wished with her. All the same, he would not wonder where else her whore’s mouth had been this night.
There was a silk robe in the drawer of the lowboy. He took it out and put it on, then crossed the room to his dessert. Etta remained in the bed where she belonged. He was two bites into the apple tart when she spoke. ‘When you were late, I feared you were not coming.’
He cut another forkful of the tart. Crisp flaky crust and tender spiced fruit within. He scooped up cream with it, and chewed it slowly. After he had swallowed, he asked her, ‘Do you imagine I care what you fear, or think?’
Her eyes almost met his. ‘I think you would care if I were not here now. As I cared when you were not here before.’
He finished another bite of the tart. ‘This is a stupid conversation. I do not care to continue it.’
‘Aye,’ she said, and he did not know if she were accepting his command, or agreeing with him. It didn’t matter. She was silent as he finished the tart. He poured another glass of the wine and leaned back with it. His mind roved back over the last few weeks, assessing all he had done. He’d been a fool, he decided. He should have put off going to the Others’ Island, and when he’d had the Others’ oracle, he’d been a fool to spout off his ambitions to his crew. Idiot. Dolt. By now he was the laughing-stock of Divvytown. He could imagine their mockery in the taverns and inns. ‘King of the Pirates’, they’d say. ‘As if we want or need a king. As if we’d have him as king, if we did want or need one.’ And they’d laugh.
Shame rose up to engulf him. He’d humiliated himself yet again, and as always it was his own fault. He was stupid, stupid, stupid, and his only hope of surviving was in not letting anyone else know how stupid he was. He sat twisting his ring on his finger and staring into the fire. He glanced once at the wizardwood charm strapped to his wrist. His own sardonic smile mocked him. Had it ever moved at all, or had it only been another trick of the Others’ magic? Going to the Others’ Island at all had been a mistake. No doubt his crew were talking that up as well, their captain seeking an oracle as if he were a barren woman or a god-struck fanatic. Why did his highest hopes always have to turn to his deepest humiliations?
‘Shall I come and rub your shoulders, Kennit?’
He turned to glare at her. Who did she think she was, to interrupt his thoughts?
‘Why do you think I’d welcome that?’ he demanded coldly.
Her voice had no inflection as she observed. ‘You looked troubled. Weary and tense.’
‘You think you can know those things by looking at me, whore?’
Her dark eyes dared to meet his. ‘A woman knows these things by looking at a man when she has looked at him often over three years.’ She rose and came to stand behind him, naked still. She set her long narrow hands to his shoulders and worked at his muscles through the thin silk of the robe. It felt so good. For a time he sat still and tolerated her touch on him. But then she began to speak as she kneaded at his knotted muscles.
‘I miss you when you are gone on these longer voyages. I wonder if you are all right. Sometimes I wonder if you are coming back at all. After all, what ties you to Divvytown? I know you care little for me. Only that I be here and behave as you wish me to. I think Bettel only keeps me on because of your preference for me. I am not… what most men would wish for. Do you see how important that makes you in my life? Without you, Bettel would turn me out of the house and I’d have to work as a freegirl. But you come here, and you ask for me by my name, and you take the finest chamber in the house for our use, and always pay in true gold. Do you know what the others here call me? Kennit’s whore.’ She gave a brief snort of bitter laughter. ‘Once I would have been shamed by that. Now I like the sound of it.’
‘Why are you talking?’ Kennit’s voice cut her musings as harshly as a blunt knife. ‘Do you think I pay to hear you talk?’
It was a question. She knew she was allowed to answer. ‘No,’ she replied in a low voice. ‘But I think that with the gold you pay Bettel, I could rent a small house for us. I would keep it tidy and clean. It would always be there for you to come home to, and I would always be ready and clean for you. I vow there would never be the smell of another man upon me.’
‘And you think I would like that?’ he scoffed.
‘I do not know,’ she said quietly. ‘I know that I would like that. That’s all.’
‘I care not at all what you would like or not like,’ he told her. He reached back to lift her hands from his shoulders. The fire had heated her skin. He rose from the chair and turned to face her. He ran a hand over her bared skin, fascinated for a time with the feel of the fire-warmed flesh. It roused him again. But when he lifted his eyes to her face, he was shocked to find tears on her cheeks. It was intolerable.
‘Go back to the bed,’ he commanded her in disgust, and she went, obedient as ever. He stood facing the fire, recalling sleek skin under his fingers and wanting to use her again, but dismayed at the thought of her wet face and teary eyes. This was not why he bought a whore. He bought a whore to avoid all this. Damn it, he had paid. He did not look at the bed as he commanded her suddenly, ‘Lie on your belly. Face down.’
He heard her shift in the sheets. He went to her quickly across the darkened room. He mounted her that way, face down like a boy, but he took her as a woman. Let no one, not even a whore, say that Kennit did not know the difference between the two.
He knew he was not unduly rough, but still she wept, even after
