into his eyes all day long, one black, one green, and lose herself in his embrace.
Dandy called night and day, demanding she answer his messages, asking why she’d let him down at a casting yet again. Why had she lost interest? What was going on? Speaking to Dandy was like yelling across tundra to a distant figure in the snow. He couldn’t hear her. She spoke another language; one that said, I’m through with this. It’s a heartless world. I’m done with Hollywood and I’m done with you all…
‘I need a break,’ she told her agent.
‘Are you knocked up?’
Normally Vivien would have taken affront, but it was difficult to feel mad about much these days. ‘Very funny, Dandy.’ Privately, the promise of carrying Gio’s baby was like a flurry of wings inside her. Now was too soon, but in a year or two… She couldn’t believe how swiftly it had happened, how much had changed. Having survived her accident, she was in awe of her body, of the things it might achieve.
She clung to her renaissance like a ship in a storm. Her heart said it was because she was full to the brim of love for him. She ignored the alarm that wormed between her ears at night, telling her that she had sabotaged the life she’d built – both lives, her one in Claremont and her one here – and Gio was all she had to tether her. If she lost him… Well, it wouldn’t happen, so there was no point thinking about it. So what if Gio was all she had? So what if she relied on him utterly? So what if, when you took him out of the equation, there was nothing left? Wasn’t that what real relationships were about? Vivien wouldn’t know; she’d never let herself find out.
Every day, Gio decorated her with roses, chocolates, perfumes and impromptu trips, to spas, cosy bistros, a boat on the lake. Vivien didn’t know where he got the money – he was a fine doctor, but he couldn’t earn enough to cover that kind of expense – but she wasn’t about to question it. Since opting out of work, her funds had started to dwindle. She hadn’t realised how much debt she’d stacked up, the compulsive sprees she’d undergone in an attempt to blot things out. She had spent foolishly on her high and was suffering for it on her low. Gio didn’t seem to mind.
I’ve got him, she thought. It doesn’t matter. He’s not going anywhere.
And it felt good, for once, not to have to build her barriers. They were untouchable, the pair of them: a couple who could take on the world.
*
Life continued happily for a while. Vivien knew she was recreating everything she had lacked as a child: sanctuary, certainty and security. She only wished that Gio would agree to move in with her. She didn’t pressure him, only suggested it once or twice, but he point-blank declared it a bad idea. ‘Why?’ she asked. But he wouldn’t say. There was always some excuse – it wasn’t the right time, he couldn’t get a lease on his place, couldn’t they wait just a bit longer? It didn’t make sense, though. Gio spent most of his time at hers and he seemed more in love with her than ever.
It began to bother her that he never invited her back to his house. It had crossed her mind as odd in the early days, sure, but Gio was too full of distractions, too clever at diverting questions, that with a kiss or a look her curiosity had been postponed. As time went on, Vivien’s suspicions crept in, threading through her like weeds, making her doubt, making her question, terrified that the ground on which she had gambled to plant her feet was yet again about to shatter beneath her. She couldn’t understand his secrecy. Her paranoia multiplied, niggling, tormenting, impossible to ignore. When he told her that he could no longer see her on Friday nights – Fridays had to be his – she drew the line. If Gio wanted space, fine. But he had to be truthful.
‘I don’t want space,’ he said, his face clouding. ‘I’m crazy about you, Viv.’
‘Then what’s going on?’
‘Nothing,’ he said, turning away. ‘It’s the hospital. My shifts have changed.’
She didn’t buy it. But she was too afraid of the alternative, of pushing him into a confession. Is he having an affair? Is there someone else? The notion made the sky fall. What will I do without him? The thought of another woman chilled her.
She had to find out. The following Friday night, she drove to his house, parked opposite, and watched the windows. Her hands gripped the wheel.
Liar.
So much for the hospital. Why were his lights on? Why was there a gleaming Chrysler parked on the drive? Vivien knew. He wasn’t at work at all. He was in there, with some other woman he deemed special enough to bring home. They’d be making love right now, on the sheets Vivien had never slept on. They’d eat a meal at the table she had never sat at. They’d shower in the bathroom she had never stepped into.
How could he? How could he do this to her?
Even with the evidence as plain as day, Vivien couldn’t accept it. Gio was in love with her. He wasn’t like the rest. They were lovers but they were also friends.
Friends didn’t do this to each other – did they?
Minutes ticked by and turned into an hour, maybe two, she lost track.
Still, she continued to watch. Until eventually, at around ten, the payload appeared. In one of the upstairs windows, a woman could be glimpsed, a fleeting sight before she vanished in shadow. Vivien’s knuckles whitened. Her tears turned to fury.
She swung open the car door.
I’m going to catch them together and then I’ll punch his fucking lights out.
In a rage she stormed up the drive, past the gate, past his precious car, tempted to scratch it with her keys but there would be time for that on the way back, and pounded her fist on the door. In her mind, she rehearsed all she would say and do to the traitor. Who is it? Who is she? Someone I know?
But nothing could have prepared Vivien for the truth.
Nothing could have prepared her for who the woman was.
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