think I’m made of – grit and granite?’
‘No, I don’t. You know I don’t.’ Daisy grasped her friend’s hands, squeezing them tightly. ‘I hate them too for what they did to Reuben that night. He was the nearest I ever got to a grandfather and I loved him every bit as much as you loved your Grandfather Sutton!’
‘But it was special between Tim and me. Grandfather Sutton and Reuben and Mrs Shaw and Jin were old. Tim had hardly lived!’
‘Tatty – please. I’m sorry we came here, started this. I shouldn’t have told you about the rooks.’
‘Yes you should and I’m glad you did! Oh, I’m not going to tell them how much I love Tim – not yet, anyway – because I’m too bitter inside me. But show me how you do it, because I’m going to tell those rooks how much I hate German fighter pilots who shoot up an aerodrome just because it’s a wizard prang and how especially I hate the one who got Tim’s plane.’
‘If you think it will help, but I don’t think the rooks much like bitterness and hatred. Leave it, Tatty? Leave the fighter pilot who killed Tim to God, why don’t you?’
‘Yes. I’m being awful, aren’t I? And I suppose I should remember that Tim’s plane dropped bombs on the Germans – and maybe killed old people like Grandfather Sutton and Reuben, and little children, too …’
‘Yes – well that’s what wars do to people like us, Tatty. Mam says the old ones make wars and the young ones have to fight them. And let it come, love, if it’ll help.’ She gathered her friend to her as tears filled Tatiana’s eyes and ran down her cheeks. ‘Let’s give the rooks a miss today, and tomorrow we’ll go up the pike. You’ll be nearer to Tim up there.’
‘Yes. That was where he died.’ She dabbed her eyes, then blew her nose furiously. ‘Thanks for being so nice about it, Daisy. It’s awful trying to be normal when you know you’ll never be normal again.’
‘I know, love. You’ll feel a lot better once we’ve heard the curlew call at the top of the pike.’
‘I will, won’t I? And do I look awful? Will your mother know I’ve been crying?’
‘No, Tatty. You don’t go all red and blotchy when you cry like I do. And if you did, she would understand. Don’t forget Mam knows what it’s like. For a whole year she thought Dada was dead.’
‘Yes, and for almost a whole year I’ve known Tim is dead and that I’ll never see him again. But I’m glad for the time we had together, Daisy. No matter what, no one can take that away from me.’
‘No, love. And no one who cares for you as much as I do would ever want to. So let’s go and see Mam and have a look at my make-up?’
‘Okay.’ Tatiana looked up sharply as a bomber flew low overhead. ‘See it, Daisy? That’s a Halifax, a new one. They’ve got them at Holdenby Moor to replace the old Whitleys.’
‘Do you still do your aircraft recognition, Tatty?’
‘I do. If it flies, I can tell you what it is – ours or theirs. Come to think of it, why didn’t I join the ATS as an aircraft spotter? I’d have done very well at it.’
‘Well, you’re stuck with being a translator now. We’re both of us stuck with what we’ve got for the duration. And who’s to tell, Tatty, maybe you were intended to go to London? Maybe it was in your stars that you should.’
‘And meet someone else, you mean? Oh, no!’
‘I didn’t mean that. But you’ve made friends with your Uncle Igor, haven’t you, and somewhere in London something might just happen to at least help you to come to terms with losing Tim.’
‘Help me accept what I can’t change, you mean?’
‘Something like that – yes. I hope you will, Tatty. I can’t bear to see you like this. And maybe there’s some truth in what Mam always says – that nothing lasts; not the good times nor the bad. Maybe soon it’s going to be your turn for something good to happen.’
‘Maybe. And I really am learning to count my blessings, Daisy. Did you know I’m helping the WVS now; a sort of escort. I’ve done it twice. It was Sparrow’s niece Joannie started me off. She asked me to do it as a favour the first time, and I’m thinking of doing it regularly: taking airmen out. I don’t mean dating them, but they’re mostly aircrew, in need of an escort, really. And don’t look so bemused. The first time I did it I was shattered; didn’t think it was for me. But then I felt so sorry for them, you see.’
‘Wounded airmen, you mean? You go to the hospital and talk to them and walk with them?’
‘No. They could walk fine, those I met. But they have been in hospital and now they’re going out some, you see. Facing the world again, I mean.’
‘Facing the – Tatty, you don’t mean they’ve been burned?’
‘I mean just that. They’re all young men, Daisy, and some of them look awful. It’s mostly their hands and faces. Their hair and their ears are just fine; protected by their helmets. But their poor faces – oh, the first time I saw them I felt sick inside.’
‘Were they so bad, then?’
‘Yes. Their features all gone. But that wasn’t why I felt awful, Daisy. We were going to the theatre, you see – me and three other girls and four airmen. It was their first time out of hospital blues and into their uniforms again. And it was the first time they’d been out since – since it happened.’
It must have taken a lot of doing – for them, I mean.’
It must. Like I said, I felt sick, but I didn’t let it show. I smiled when I was introduced to my airman. I looked right into his eyes and smiled and do you know what, his eyes looked relieved. His face didn’t, because he can’t smile yet. But his eyes smiled.
‘He was a navigator called Sam. He held his arm out so gallantly, and I took it because that man could have been Tim. My wonderful Tim could have looked that way, and just for a second I was glad that he hadn’t suffered like that.’
‘I know what you mean, Tatty. All of them intelligent and good-looking – then for that to happen is awful.’
‘Yes. I know Tim dreaded it. Do you know he once said to me that he’d rather die than fry?’
‘Tatty! Don’t say such things!’
‘Tim said it, not me. Most aircrews say it. It made me cry so much he promised never to say such a thing again. And he got his wish in an awful kind of way. At least it was clean for him, and quick.’
‘Tatty – don’t. Tim wouldn’t want you to be like this.’
‘No, but he’d have wanted me to go out with those wounded airmen because they are worse than wounded, Daisy. They said there’s some wonderful work going on – skin-grafting and things like that. They can even build up noses again. Sam said he was glad about that because his original nose was awful. Said he hoped he got a better one second time round.’
‘I don’t know how he could joke about it.’
‘Nor
