smiling, feeling her nose go cold as her eyes watered.
Skye tugged at her mittened hand. ‘Are you the special friend, Mum?’
Megan just nodded, eyes shining as she focused on the stage, on his eyes staring back at her, trying to start again.
When that song finished, he went into some more standard covers, and they thought they’d better get going. Most of it was Heather making recommendations for ‘darling little outfits’ for Skye, who was more of a jeans and Converse girl. But she went along with it in good spirits, pleased to please her grandmother. The only time she was actually excited was as they walked past a shop with mermaid leggings in the window. They were black with emerald shimmering scales that seemed to move, even as the reflections of Christmas shoppers walked past the window.
‘Oh!’ she sighed, fingertips resting on the window.
‘I know!’ Megan sighed as well, wishing, not for the first time, that they made kids’ clothes in adult sizes.
‘Really? Mermaids?’ Heather said, tilting her head to look at them. ‘Where would you wear them?’
‘Everywhere,’ Megan and Skye said in sync, and then grinned at each other.
‘Well then, it looks like Santa’s got quite a bit to buy.’ Heather raised an eyebrow at her daughter, who shrugged.
‘Why don’t you girls go have a wander whilst I finish my errands? It’s all boring stuff, ties and socks and boy things, mostly,’ Heather said, with a shooing gesture. ‘I’ll meet you by the grotto in about an hour?’
Skye and Megan shrugged, looking so in sync that Heather was both mystified, and a little sad. She’d never been that close with her daughter. Perhaps the age difference was working for Megan and Skye, she thought, and tried to blot out the horrible things she said that night, that always seemed to hover in the background now, whenever thoughts of Megan emerged.
The girls wandered off back into town.
‘So, what do you think about this place?’ Megan asked casually, when really the question she was asking was how do you like your family?
‘I like the bookshop,’ Skye replied as she wandered through the cobbled streets, watching teenagers with Santa hats walking together, arms linked as if they couldn’t bear to be apart. ‘And I like everyone, Grandma and Granddad and Matty and Claudia and Jasper. And Minnie, even.’
‘I’m glad, bub.’ Megan squeezed her daughter’s hand.
‘Are you happy though, Mum? You seem weird here.’
They walked into the centre, sitting on a bench where they could see Santa’s grotto, even though they had ages.
‘Do you ever wonder why we haven’t been back here til now?’ Megan asked, watching her daughter’s beautiful, intelligent face twitch. Skye put her hand to her cheek, lips pursed. It was her ‘detective thinking’ face, and whilst Megan knew it was an affectation, she knew that Skye was really thinking it through.
‘Well, first I thought they must be really mean. But they’re not. They’re nice,’ Skye started.
‘Yes, they are.’
‘But, well, you are a bit young, Mum, aren’t you?’ Skye said, echoing what Heather had said years ago. You’re young, too young, don’t you see what a baby you are.
‘I mean, you’re not young to me, to me you’re really old–’
‘Oi, less of the really, missus!’ Megan tickled her.
‘Sorry, sorry!’ Skye gasped, laughing, ‘but, I mean, I’m guessing you had an argument with Grandma and Granddad, and that’s why Grandma’s all friendly and silly until you come in, and then she’s all awkward and weird. And then Granddad keeps getting all teary when he sees you walking around the house.’
Megan smiled at her daughter, brushing her hand across her cheek. ‘Very clever girl. You’re an excellent detective already.’
She thought about her parents, about how hard they were trying. But ten years of upset and hurt wasn’t about to be solved over one Christmas. Although they weren’t doing badly…
‘And then, of course, there’s Troublemaker,’ Skye said solidly, and Megan snapped back to attention.
‘What about Luke?’
‘Well, Mum, you’re a bit of a wreck.’ Skye shrugged awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable at constantly having to explain everything to everyone. Adults were kinda dumb. ‘You keep looking at him, and getting all sappy, and when he played that song today, the one after Elvis, you just stood there, all…frozen.’
Even my daughter thinks I’m acting like a love-sick teenager, Megan thought, kill me now.
‘Mum?’ Skye waited for Megan to give her her complete attention, hazel eyes meeting and locked. ‘Is Troublemaker…is he my dad?’
Skye had only used the ‘d-word’ once before, but even then had never asked about it, never wondered. Megan had worried about it, but Anna said she was clearly so happy she’d never wanted for a father. And that was the only answer Megan was willing to take.
She pressed her lips together, and brushed a strand of Skye’s dark hair back. ‘No, baby, he’s not. Is that okay?’
‘Yeah, just wondered,’ Skye shrugged, looking at the floor.
‘Do you wonder about your dad a lot?’ Megan asked gently, trying not to wince.
‘Not really.’ Skye swung her legs back and forth, staring at her bright purple trainers.
Megan wasn’t really sure how to deal with this. ‘Because I’d always thought we were enough, me and Anna, and Jeremy. And now you have grandparents, an uncle and auntie and cousin. Your family has just doubled! All these people who love you.’
You’re laying it on too thick, she thought desperately, shut up or she’ll never ask anything again.
‘I know…I just wonder sometimes if some of the things I do are because of him. My dad, I mean.’
‘Honey, your dad was a nice enough man, but…he was a kid, he didn’t know me very well. I didn’t know him very well.’
‘Well,’ Skye’s brow furrowed, ‘you knew him well enough to make a baby with him.’
Touché, kid.
‘Yes, and that was a mistake.’ She paused, smiling. ‘But I am so grateful for that mistake, because here you are, the best thing in my life. So I’m really thankful to your dad, you know? But, I don’t necessarily think he’d make our lives better.’
Megan tried to think of what she’d do if Skye insisted, if she wanted to know him, to know more. There wasn’t really more to know, anyway, was there? He was just Joey. Nice enough guy from school. Got around the girls well enough. He’d had his eye on her from the beginning, but she’d been with Lucas. And when Lucas was with Belinda…there Joey was. He was
