Leading With NLP: Essential Leadership Skills for Influencing and Managing People. Joseph O’Connor
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Make them further and further away. How do your feelings change about them as a leader? Is there a threshold point where they do not seem to be a leader any more?
Put them back as they were and now bring them closer to you. How does that change your feelings about them? Is there a threshold where they are too close and it feels uncomfortable?
Put them back at a comfortable distance. Now notice how high the leader stands relative to you. Make them higher than you. Do your feelings change? What is it like as you make them higher and higher above you?
Now move them below you. How does your feeling about them change? Do you still think of them as a leader? Is there a threshold where they do not seem to be a leader any more?
Try these exercises with a number of different leaders. Does the height and distance vary depending on who you think of?
Leadership Exercise
A leader’s influence comes from the relationship they create with their followers. How we represent that relationship in our minds determines what we think of leaders, how we respond to them and what sort of relationship we in turn create with others when we become leaders.
Use this exercise to explore how you think about leaders and how you see yourself as a leader.
Think of one or more people you respect as leaders.
Make a picture of them in your mind’s eye. Imagine people around them whom they influence and who follow them.
When you think of these leaders in your imagination, where do you see them – in front of you, behind you or to the side?
In your mental picture, is the leader a long way in front, in the middle distance or a short way in front of the other people?
Is the leader larger, smaller or the same size as the people they are leading?
Are they above, below or on the same level as the people they are leading?
Does the leader seem more vivid, colourful or ‘larger than life’ than the followers?
If another person were to look at your picture, without knowing any of the people in it, how would they know which person was the leader?
How vivid is the picture?
Does it have colour?
Does it have movement?
Now listen for any sounds in your mental tableau. Are there voices?
Imagine the leader speaking. What quality does their voice have?
Now listen to the other people speaking.
What quality do their voices have?
Is there a particular voice quality that marks out the leader?
If a stranger were to listen to the voices without seeing the scene, would they be able to tell which voice was the leader’s?
Now, keeping the rest of the picture the same, see yourself in the company of these leaders.
Make yourself the same size and distance as the leaders and put yourself in the same position relative to the other people as the leaders.
What does it feel like to see yourself standing there as a leader?
Adjust the picture until it feels comfortable.
Now step into the picture, be in your body, in the group of leaders, looking out through your own eyes at the people around who are following.
How do you feel there?
Metaphors of Leadership
How we see leaders in our mind shapes what we feel about leaders, our relationship to them and, of course, how we speak about them. Here are some examples:
‘ahead of the field’
‘on a pedestal’
‘a cut above the others’
‘close to the people’
‘distant’
‘out of touch’
‘the common touch’
‘in touch with the people’
‘hands-on style’
‘a towering leader’
‘larger than life’
‘head and shoulders above the rest’
‘in a class of their own’
‘stuck up’
If you catch yourself, or others, using these metaphors, you can gain an insight into how you perceive leadership.
References
1 Eloise Ristad, A Soprano on her Head, Real People Press, 1982
2 The detailed qualities of our mental images, feelings and sounds are known as ‘submodalities’. See Richard Bandler, Using your Brain for a Change, Real People Press, 1985, for a detailed discussion.
Bibliography
Bass, B., Leadership and Performance: Beyond Expectation, Consulting Psychology Press, 1985
Iacocca, L., and Novak, W., Iacocca: An Autobiography, Bantam Books, 1984
Kotter, J., A Force for Change: How Leadership Differs from Management, The Free Press, 1990
2 LEADERSHIP SUBSTANCE, STYLE AND SHADOW
Good leaders are ethical, responsible and effective. Ethical because leadership connects you to others through shared values. Responsible because leadership means self-development and not simply giving orders, however charismatically, to get others to do what you want. Effective because shared values and goals give the strongest motivation for getting tasks done. There are no guarantees, but this sort of leadership will bring you closer to people and give you the greatest chance of success.
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