and if others wanted to live here‚ then they’d better fucking abide by their rules.
They made valid points‚ Simon and Anthony‚ and were able to argue them with a deep passion and intensity. What they lacked in academic intelligence‚ they made up in street smarts. He was learning from them.
Daniel fitted in easily‚ no longer scared to skip the odd class and stroll on down to Lampton Park‚ where Simon and Anthony spent most of their days. He would join them‚ drink and share a joint‚ as they dissected and discussed the latest stories in the red-top newspapers – whether it was on the importance of a sharp exit from the EU‚ or coverage of the terror attacks that seemed to be a permanent tabloid fixture.
Sometimes they would rile each other up.
Sometimes they went too far.
Like when they’d ripped the head scarf off that girl’s head and poured beer all over her.
Daniel needed to be involved‚ needed to be part of the brotherhood. So he shot the whole thing on his camera phone. But even as he was filming‚ even as he was laughing‚ even when he edited it‚ obscured the faces of his friends‚ and uploaded it to YouTube‚ Daniel knew that he’d made a huge mistake.
I was the first up. Still basking in the high of the woman I loved agreeing to be my wife‚ and careful not to wake up Stephanie and Jack‚ I quietly slipped out of bed. Breakfast in bed was the order of the day. I picked up my phone from the living room‚ before heading to the kitchen. The battery had died so I put it on charge and placed it on the worktop as I went about cooking a breakfast fit for my family. As I chopped tomatoes‚ I thought about how this decision was going to force my hand. I would have no choice but to tell Khala the truth and hope that she would accept it. There would be no more Rukhsana‚ nor any other girls for Khala to line up for marriage.
I glanced at my phone‚ it had charged enough for me to check the message that I dimly remembered receiving last night.
*
Fifteen minutes later‚ hash browns‚ fish fingers and tomatoes sat burning in the grill as I sat slumped on the floor with my back against the kitchen cabinet‚ phone in one hand‚ head in the other‚ trying to steady my breathing.
Above my head‚ the smoke alarm began to beep. Jolted from my trance‚ thinking of Stephanie and Jack sleeping upstairs‚ I leapt up and waved a tea towel under the alarm‚ switching off the grill with my other hand. The beeping stopped and‚ slowly‚ I retrieved the three slices of toast from the toaster‚ buttered two and dropped the third into the bin.
I placed the breakfast neatly onto two plates and then onto a tray. The third plate went back into the cupboard. I trudged up the stairs‚ the steps seeming steeper‚ and walls narrower than before. I placed the tray on the side table and watched them. I wondered if that night we had all shared the same dream‚ that of laughter and unity and bedtime stories and of three becoming one. A fantasy that I was selfish enough to present to them‚ knowing with certainty that I would never be allowed to become that person.
Jack was gently shivering‚ I lifted the duvet‚ tucking it under his chin‚ and kissed him softly on the cheek. I walked around to the other side of the bed and kneeled down in front of Stephanie. Her eyes flickered momentarily and she smiled lazily at me. I whispered that I had to go work. She nodded‚ before sleep found her again. I had to breathe hard to stop the tears; I inhaled deeply in staccato bursts before kissing her gently on the forehead and walking away from them knowing that not only my life‚ but the lives of those that I loved‚ had changed.
Peel back several layers of me‚ past the carefree life that I lived‚ past a loving son to a loving Khala‚ past a friendship with Shaz‚ and past the love and devotion that I held deeply for Stephanie and Jack‚ and the truth of me is revealed.
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