Already Home. Susan Mallery
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She felt good, she realized. She had a plan to get the store up and running.
“I like all the changes we’ve come up with,” she said, grabbing another chip. “Now if only I hadn’t screwed up in the first place.”
“You’re really hard on yourself,” Violet said.
“No, I’m …” Jenna pressed her lips together. “Maybe I am. An old habit.” She thought about how critical she was of herself. “I wish I could blame my parents, but I can’t.”
“I know your mom’s great.”
“My dad’s just as supportive. I didn’t grow up feeling like I was always wrong. I was pretty normal.”
Violet glanced at her. “Tell me what normal is like.”
“You say that like you don’t know.”
Violet hesitated. “Everyone’s normal is different. What was yours?”
Jenna wanted to talk about Violet instead but had the feeling it wasn’t good to push. “Usual high school experience. Some fun, plenty of angst. I went to college, joined a sorority, couldn’t pick a major. Nothing really appealed to me.” She wrinkled her nose. “I got tired of the liberal arts classes. By my second year, I was spending more time in the house kitchen than anywhere else. That summer I had a long talk with my parents about my future. I wasn’t sure what to do.” She smiled. “My dad is the one who suggested culinary school.”
“Smart man.”
“He is. I was stunned, but it felt right. I headed off to Dallas and discovered I loved to cook. The classes were great. I stayed an extra semester just so I could learn more. I had several job offers when I graduated. I took one in Phoenix—mostly to live somewhere different. I was working at a restaurant when I met Aaron.”
“What’s he like?”
“Charming,” she admitted. “He’s the guy who walks in the room and knows exactly what to say to everyone. He can convince you of anything. I loved being around him, but at the same time when I was with him I felt different. I can’t explain it.”
Violet picked up her margarita. “Less shiny?”
Jenna considered the description. “Yes. That’s it. I felt less than I’d been before. Looking back I can see that he wasn’t especially brilliant in the kitchen, but he convinced us all he was. For years, I told myself I couldn’t keep up. I guess that’s when I started putting myself down.”
She hesitated. “I used to be so inventive in my cooking. Aaron would pick my ideas apart, make me feel they weren’t any good, then a few weeks later, they would show up on the menu. When I asked about that, he said he’d made changes, improved them. But I wasn’t ever sure he did. I used to take chances.”
She pressed her lips together. “Sorry. Too much information.”
“It’s not. What you’re saying makes a lot of sense.”
“You mean it explains why I’m not willing to do anything without charts and a plan? Structure makes me feel safe. It wasn’t always that way.”
Violet eyed her over the glass. “Don’t take this wrong, but I don’t think you started it. I’ll bet it was Aaron.”
“You think?”
Jenna thought about their relationship. She wanted to say he’d always been there for her. That he was supportive. But she knew it wasn’t true.
“He wanted me to be less than him,” she said slowly.
“Maybe you scared him.”
“Nothing scared Aaron.”
“Everyone is afraid of something.” Violet spoke with a confidence Jenna envied. “If a guy pretends he’s not, he’s faking it. Trust me. I have experience when it comes to lousy guys. Show me a nice guy who wants to take me out and treat me well and I yawn. Parade a few losers in front of me and I can’t get there fast enough.”
“That’s not good,” Jenna said.
“Tell me about it. I have a whole list of wonderful men I’m not the least bit interested in. When you’re ready for rebound guy, just let me know. I can suggest a couple dozen.”
Jenna laughed. “I’m not the rebound guy type.”
“Sure you are. Everyone is. It’s kind of required. You’ve ended one relationship and you need to think about starting the next. Rebound guy gives you confidence.”
“What does he get out of it?”
“Sex with minimal effort. Guys love that.”
Jenna shifted in her seat. “I’ve never been much of a guy magnet. I’m not sure rebound guy will be worth the effort it’ll take to get him.”
Violet raised her dark eyebrows. “Have you looked in the mirror lately? The effort we’re talking about is little more than wearing a short skirt and smiling.”
If only, Jenna thought wryly. “I’m not good with guys.”
“I doubt that, but even if it’s true, it doesn’t matter. The rebound relationship is about having fun. You get out there and remind yourself that yes, you can have a good time with someone else. You go out a couple of times, have hot sex, wake up feeling refreshed and move on.”
Jenna wondered what Violet would say if she confessed to the fact that she’d only been with one other guy before Aaron. The thought of sex with a stranger was terrifying.
“My parents met in college,” she said. “They knew right away that they were meant for each other. I always thought it would be like that for me.”
“I didn’t know it was like that for anyone,” Violet murmured.
“I was holding out for perfect. Instead I got Aaron.”
“Maybe it’s time to try fun instead.”
“I’ve never thought of dating as fun,” Jenna admitted. “I guess I was doing it wrong.”
“You’re doing it again,” Violet said.
“Doing. Oh, right.” The put-down thing.
What was with her? When had she become that kind of person—always seeing the worst in herself?
“Okay,” she said, straightening. “Rebound guy. You swear it’s fun?”
“It can be. Give it some thought and when you’re ready, I’ll hook you up with Mr. Blow Your Socks Off.” Violet grinned. “Unless you have other things you want him to blow on.”
Jenna felt herself blush. She sipped her margarita. “It’s been a long time,” she admitted in a whisper.
“Then