and groped, squeezing and pinching. I hated it. How could I be expected to find any wifely pleasure in that? How could I ever accept such indignities?’
‘No.’ He pressed his lips together, fighting to contain the anger that built within him as he visualised the picture which Honoria so clearly, so vividly painted, even though he suspected that she had kept the worst from him. ‘I don’t suppose you could.’
‘And he was unable. He blamed me. He said that I was cold and unfeeling—a frigid wife—and I was. He said that it was all my fault—that I had robbed him of his manhood and deserved to be punished.’ She shivered against him, but there was no longer the threat of tears.
‘Did he ever harm you?’ He deliberately kept his voice calm.
‘No. He never struck me. But with words, with the lash of those, he could destroy me. He said that he had been tricked into the marriage—and that I was not woman enough to entice him or pleasure him. I was a failure. I could not fulfil my part of the marriage settlement.’ She was quiet for a moment. Then, ‘I must disgust you.’
‘Honoria …’ What on earth were the right words to say to her? In the end he went for simplicity. ‘My dear girl, you could never disgust me. You were not a failure.’ Now he understood the whole tragic tale. A gross old man, intent on getting an heir on his new wife in the short time left to him. Without sensitivity or finesse, rendered impotent by illness and old age. He had put all the blame for his failure on to her slight shoulders and she lacked the experience to determine the truth of it. ‘It was not your fault. And you have to realise that it does not have to be like that between a man and a woman. There can be delight and warmth … and trust.’
‘Trust? I find it impossible to believe that. And as for delight …’ She shuddered against him.
His lordship sighed. Now was not the time to convince her otherwise. The emotional upheaval had taken its toll and she leaned against him, her earlier fears forgotten, but yet drained and exhausted.
‘I am afraid of failing again.’ And afraid that you will measure me unfavourably against Katherine.
Those few words that she dared to utter spoke volumes. He held her close to rub his cheek against her hair.
‘You will not fail again. I will show you,’ he reassured her softly. ‘But not now, not tonight. You need to rest.’
Mansell stood and lifted her, without protest, and carried her back to the high bed. There he settled her under the covers and, before she could speak, stretched beside her, pulling her firmly into his arms.
‘Don’t fight me again,’ he murmured as he felt her muscles tense once more.
‘Would it not be better to … to finish it quickly? I am sure that you are not unable.’ He heard the depth of bitter humiliation in her voice. His reassurance had apparently not found its mark.
‘No.’ The ghost of a laugh shook him. ‘I am not unable. But it would definitely not be better to finish it quickly! When I do take you, when I make you truly my wife and you bear my weight, you will not be exhausted and terrified and as responsive as a January icicle.’
‘And if I cannot?’ He detected the breath of hysteria once more. ‘What if Edward was right? What if I did cause his failure?’
His response was to take her face in his two hands and force her to look at him ‘Look at me, Honoria. And listen well. You did not cause Edward’s inability to complete the marriage. How could you? You are lovely. He must have been sick indeed not to respond to you. You are very feminine. A man would dream of holding and … and loving a woman like you. You did not exactly encourage me, did you, but I would have had no difficulty in taking you, in spite of it.’ No difficulty at all, he thought, still aware of his hard arousal. It promised to be a long night! ‘Indeed, the difficulty was in leaving you. Do you understand?’
She looked at him for a long moment, considering his words carefully, and then nodded.
‘Well, then.’ He tucked her against his side, taking one of her hands in his, arranging the pillows and covers for their comfort. ‘Are you comfortable?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then go to sleep. You are quite safe. And Edward, may he rot in Hell, cannot touch you ever again.’
Her body gradually relaxed, minute by minute, against his as the warmth and release from fear slowly spread through her veins, her breathing softening, her muscles loosening. Her hand finally rested on his chest, fingers curled and open. He felt her slide into sleep.
What a terrible burden she had carried with no one to help her. He rested his chin against her hair. Only a crisis had forced her into confiding in him. Otherwise, he knew with a certainty, she would have remained silent, disguising her fears behind a wall of competency and self-possession. He wondered fleetingly if she had spoken to Mary about it—and decided not. She would find it difficult to open her thoughts to anyone on such a short acquaintance. He hoped indeed that Edward would suffer the torments of the abyss for his cruel, thoughtless treatment of her. He moved his arm slightly and cushioned her head more securely on his shoulder. She did not stir.
It would take considerable care and patience on his part to build a relationship with her, to repair the damage so wilfully caused. He turned his face against the soft curls. So soft, so vibrant now that it was no longer confined. He would care for her. With tenderness and sympathetic handling they would find a way together. It surprised him how much he wanted to soothe and comfort. After all, he had little experience of either with an unwilling woman.
He stayed awake a long time, watching the flickering shadows as the fire finally died, assailed by doubts over the momentous step he had taken that day and the responsibilities that it thrust at him. And yet, whatever the future might hold, he could not be sorry that he had taken her as his wife.
It was still very early when he woke. The dull grey of March daylight was hardly touching the sky or chasing the shadows in the room. The fire had died to ash long since so the air was chill.
Mansell had not intended to remain in her bed through the night, but only until Honoria had fallen deeply asleep. Then he would return to his own bedchamber. But he had fallen asleep himself, holding her within the protection of his arms, hopefully reassuring her that his proximity was not to be the horror she feared. And when he had stirred in the night he had been far too comfortable to disturb himself or his sleeping wife. He had shared more than one bed over the years, before and even after his marriage to Katherine, when the demands of his body and the hideous desolation of loss had driven him to find comfort in soft and willing arms. But it was the first time, he mused, that he had ever spent such a night so chastely. He grinned wryly in the dark. His reputation would indeed suffer if it were known that his wife remained a virgin still. But, after all, the circumstances had been exceptional.
The bed was warm and comfortable, the pillows soft, keeping the cool air at bay. He found that he had no desire to leave it. He turned on his side towards Honoria. She too was more than enticing. In sleep she had curled against him, stripped of the anxieties and sharp fear that had reduced her to such a storm of emotions on the previous night. Her skin was now warm under his fingertips, cheeks and lips flushed with pink, her breathing easy, her face in sleep relaxed and calm, her hair tumbled on the pillow.
He looked at her in the pearling light. Such soft lips, curving gently at the corners as if her dreams were full of delight. What was she dreaming? He would like those lips to curve in just that manner for him, he decided, as a breath of jealous possession
