you going to do about it?” Marcie asked. “Have you told Derek how you feel?”
“More times than I can count. He just keeps saying things will get better. I’m rapidly losing patience.”
“You’re not thinking about divorcing him, are you?” Marcie asked, her tone hushed as if she hated to even speak the word.
Emily sighed. “I honestly have no idea what I’m going to do,” she said. “But I’m getting really tired of the status quo.”
And if Derek wasn’t motivated to change it, one of these days she would have to.
“What about a trial separation?” Marcie asked. “Maybe that would be just the wake-up call he needs.”
Emily shot her a look filled with irony. “We’re separated all the time as it is.”
“This would be different,” Marcie insisted. “But, okay, what about counseling?”
“I suggested it, and Derek even agreed to consider it, but every time I scheduled an appointment, we had to cancel because of one of his business trips. When I pointed out to him that that was exactly the problem with our lives, he accused me of not supporting his career the way he’s supported mine. Then he had the audacity to suggest that if I hadn’t gone back into teaching, I could have been traveling with him.”
“Maybe he had a point,” Marcie suggested.
“Oh, please, have you forgotten we have two children?” Emily retorted, as irritated now as she had been when Derek had made his outrageous claim. “What are we supposed to do with them if both of us go gallivanting off all over the place? Park them with you?”
“You could have,” Marcie said.
“No,” Emily replied fiercely. “It is not up to you to raise my kids.”
Marcie reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Just don’t do anything rash, okay? Derek’s a great guy. You know that.”
“I do know,” Emily said with a sigh. “That’s why this is so awful.”
But more and more she was convinced that divorce might be the only way out.
Six months later, when Josh was fifteen and Dani thirteen, Emily finally called it quits with her marriage. She’d tired of the loneliness, of Derek’s long absences on business trips. All the money in the world couldn’t compensate for the sense that she was the only one truly giving anything to their relationship.
As she sat at Marcie’s kitchen table, tears rolled down her cheeks. It didn’t matter that the decision was right. It still hurt.
“I don’t know what else to do,” she told Marcie. “Am I wrong for wanting more out of my marriage? Nothing I’ve said has made one bit of difference with Derek. Nothing’s changed.”
Marcie gave her a sympathetic look. “No,” she said softly. “But you’re braver than I am. I don’t think I could face being on my own. What would I do?”
For an instant, Emily was snapped out of her own troubles. “Are you and Ken having problems? You always seem so cheerful.” In fact, she’d often wondered how Marcie stayed so upbeat when her husband was such a jerk. Ever since Ken had opened his own office, he’d been worse than ever. Marcie had worked for him for exactly two weeks before she’d insisted on hiring her own replacement.
Marcie regarded her with a wry expression. “Cheerful is in my job description. Do everything around here, keep a perfect house, fix perfect meals, raise perfect children, and smile no matter what. Heaven forbid, anyone see a crack in the image of a perfect family.”
It was the first time that Emily had detected even a trace of bitterness in her friend. “I had no idea you were so unhappy. I mean I know he drove you nuts at work, but I thought everything else was solid. I guess we’ve both done a pretty good job of covering, even with each other.”
“Some things you don’t share, not even with best friends,” Marcie said. “And I’m not unhappy. Not really. I’m just having one of those days, I suppose.” She waved off the comment before Emily could respond, then forced a smile. “Enough about me. Are you really going to ask Derek for a divorce?”
“Ask? No, I think this is one time when I’ll tell him how it’s going to be.” She gave Marcie a rueful smile. “You know the really sad part? He’ll be shocked.”
“Then maybe that will give you a chance. You’ll have his full attention.”
Emily shook her head. “It won’t be enough to make him change and since I can’t change my expectations, it’s too late. I just have to accept that it’s over.”
To Emily’s regret, she was right. Derek was stunned when she told him she intended to file for divorce, but he didn’t even waste his breath protesting that he would change when they both knew the words would be little more than empty promises. He just quietly packed his bags and moved to a suite in a hotel closer to his office.
The kids seemed to take it in stride, too, since little changed around the house. They’d grown accustomed to their father being gone on the most important occasions of their lives. He hadn’t been in town for a birthday or school assembly or awards ceremony in years.
The divorce was accomplished with a minimum of fuss and hardly any lingering resentment. Perhaps that was the saddest part of all.
As she and Derek left the courthouse, she regarded him closely for any sign that he regretted the dissolution of their marriage as much as she did. Instead, he looked as if he were in his usual hurry to be somewhere else.
“I don’t suppose you want to go somewhere for coffee and talk about this,” she said.
He studied her blankly for a minute. “This?”
“How our lives are going to change now. When you’re going to see the kids. That kind of thing.”
“I thought we’d work it out as we go,” he said. “We don’t need some sort of formal agreement, do we?”
Emily sighed. “No, of course not.”
He gave her a distracted kiss on the cheek as if they were separating till dinner, rather than for the rest of their lives.
“I’ll be in touch,” he said. “Call me if you or the kids need anything.”
She watched him stride off and tried to remember how she’d ever fallen in love with a man capable of such a total lack of emotion. The last time she’d seen Derek’s eyes shine with excitement or enthusiasm, he’d been talking about some deal he’d made, not looking at her or the kids at all.
She told herself she was well rid of him, that her future was brighter without him, that she could cope with raising the kids on her own since she’d been doing it that way for years anyway.
By the time she got home, she’d convinced herself that she was just fine. She threw her purse on the kitchen table, walked outside and crossed the yard and went straight to Marcie’s back door. It opened before she could knock and Marcie held out her arms. Emily stepped into the embrace and burst into tears.
“It’s
