danced; but when they were seated at tea, she found him as agreeable as she had already given him credit for being. He talked with fluency and spirit – and there was an archness and pleasantry in his manner which interested, though it was hardly understood by her. After chatting some time on such matters as naturally arose from the objects around them, he suddenly addressed her with – ‘I have hitherto been very remiss, madam, in the proper attentions of a partner here; I have not yet asked you how long you have been in Bath; whether you were ever here before; whether you have been at the Upper Rooms, the theatre, and the concert; and how you like the place altogether. I have been very negligent – but are you now at leisure to satisfy me in these particulars? If you are I will begin directly.’
‘You need not give yourself that trouble, sir.’
‘No trouble, I assure you, madam.’ Then forming his features into a set smile, and affectedly softening his voice, he added, with a simpering air, ‘Have you been long in Bath, madam?’
‘About a week, sir,’ replied Catherine, trying not to laugh.
‘Really!’ with affected astonishment.
‘Why should you be surprised, sir?’
‘Why, indeed!’ said he, in his natural tone. ‘But some emotion must appear to be raised by your reply, and surprise is more easily assumed, and not less reasonable than any other. Now let us go on. Were you never here before, madam?’
‘Never, sir.’
‘Indeed! Have you yet honoured the Upper Rooms?’
‘Yes, sir, I was there last Monday.’
‘Have you been to the theatre?’
‘Yes, sir, I was at the play on Tuesday.’
‘To the concert?’
‘Yes, sir, on Wednesday.’
‘And are you altogether pleased with Bath?’
‘Yes – I like it very well.’
‘Now I must give one smirk, and then we may be rational again.’ Catherine turned away her head, not knowing whether she might venture to laugh. ‘I see what you think of me,’ said he gravely – ‘I shall make but a poor figure in your journal tomorrow.’
‘My journal!’
‘Yes, I know exactly what you will say: Friday, went to the Lower Rooms; wore my sprigged muslin robe with blue trimmings – plain black shoes – appeared to much advantage; but was strangely harassed by a queer, half-witted man, who would make me dance with him, and distressed me by his nonsense.’
‘Indeed I shall say no such thing.’
‘Shall I tell you what you ought to say?’
‘If you please.’
‘I danced with a very agreeable young man, introduced by Mr King; had a great deal of conversation with him – seems a most extraordinary genius – hope I may know more of him. That, madam, is what I wish you to say.’
‘But, perhaps, I keep no journal.’
‘Perhaps you are not sitting in this room, and I am not sitting by you. These are points in which a doubt is equally possible. Not keep a journal! How are your absent cousins to understand the tenor of your life in Bath without one? How are the civilities and compliments of every day to be related as they ought to be, unless noted down every evening in a journal? How are your various dresses to be remembered, and the particular state of your complexion, and curl of your hair to be described in all their diversities, without having constant recourse to a journal? My dear madam, I am not so ignorant of young ladies’ ways as you wish to believe me; it is this delightful habit of journalising which largely contributes to form the easy style of writing for which ladies are so generally celebrated. Everybody allows that the talent of writing agreeable letters is peculiarly female. Nature may have done something, but I am sure it must be essentially assisted by the practice of keeping a journal.’
‘I have sometimes thought,’ said Catherine, doubtingly, ‘whether ladies do write so much better letters than gentlemen! That is – I should not think the superiority was always on our side.’
‘As far as I have had opportunity of judging, it appears to me that the usual style of letter-writing among women is faultless, except in three particulars.’
‘And what are they?’
‘A general deficiency of subject, a total inattention to stops, and a very frequent ignorance of grammar.’
‘Upon my word! I need not have been afraid of disclaiming the compliment. You do not think too highly of us in that way.’
‘I should no more lay it down as a general rule that women write better letters than men, than that they sing better duets, or draw better landscapes. In every power, of which taste is the foundation, excellence is pretty fairly divided between the sexes.’
They were interrupted by Mrs Allen: ‘My dear Catherine,’ said she, ‘do take this pin out of my sleeve; I am afraid it has torn a hole already; I shall be quite sorry if it has, for this is a favourite gown, though it cost but nine shillings a yard.’
‘That is exactly what I should have guessed it, madam,’ said Mr Tilney, looking at the muslin.
‘Do you understand muslins, sir?’
‘Particularly well; I always buy my own cravats, and am allowed to be an excellent judge; and my sister has often trusted me in the choice of a gown. I bought one for her the other day, and it was pronounced to be a prodigious bargain by every lady who saw it. I gave but five shillings a yard for it, and a true Indian muslin.’
Mrs Allen was quite struck by his genius. ‘Men commonly take so little notice of those things,’ said she; ‘I can never get Mr Allen to know one of my gowns from another. You must be a great comfort to your sister, sir.’
‘I hope I am, madam.’
‘And pray, sir, what do you think of Miss Morland’s gown?’
‘It is very pretty, madam,’ said he, gravely examining it; ‘but I do not think it will wash well; I am afraid it will fray.’
‘How can you,’ said Catherine, laughing, ‘be so—’ She had almost said ‘strange’.
‘I am quite of your opinion, sir,’ replied Mrs Allen; ‘and so I told Miss Morland when she bought it.’
‘But then you know, madam, muslin always turns to some account or other; Miss Morland will get enough out of it for a handkerchief, or a cap, or a cloak. Muslin can never be said to be wasted. I have heard my sister say so forty times, when she has been extravagant in buying more than she wanted, or careless in cutting it to pieces.’
‘Bath is a charming place, sir; there are so many good shops here. We are sadly off in the country; not but what we have very good shops in Salisbury, but it is so far to go – eight miles is a long way. Mr Allen says it is nine, measured nine; but I am sure it cannot be more than eight; and it is such a fag – I come back tired to death. Now, here one can step out of doors and get a thing in five
