but I can’t seem to win lately either. If you want to decorate I’ve said that’s fine. Do what you want. But I’m not moving on a whim.’
Kate remained silent, staring out of the window into the narrow back garden as Alf opened the fridge for a can of beer and, handing one to Marcus, suggested they retreat into the living room.
‘That’s if Kate doesn’t need help here?’ Marcus offered, stealing a sideways glance at her and noticing how she managed a small shake of the head at him.
‘I’m okay, thanks. I’m going to tidy here and go up to bed and read.’
‘So you’re not going to join us?’ Alf asked, his tone suggesting that he felt she should.
Before she could answer, Marcus, clearly feeling awkward, cut in and tried to lighten the atmosphere. ‘Oh, go on, Kate, unless your book is more interesting than me. Besides, I’m intrigued about your art now that you’ve mentioned you used to paint.’
Knowing he’d unwittingly chosen a sore subject, Kate forced herself to smile at him and with a reluctant nod of the head she agreed. ‘Okay, let me tidy in here and I’ll join you both with a glass of wine.’
She didn’t notice Alf’s approving gaze – instead she felt relieved as they left her washing the dishes in the kitchen and the volume on the television in the adjoining room rose to an unbearable level. She needed something to distract her mind from the hundreds of burning questions that were once again floating around in her head.
It was time to face the facts. Alf clearly wasn’t yet ready for marriage; that much he’d proved the previous weekend. Neither was he interested in babies – for that subject had also been avoided for as long as she could remember. To add to that, he’d barely shown enthusiasm for her suggestion of re-decorating and he’d just more or less outright dismissed the idea of moving. So where did that leave their relationship?
Far from feeling as if they’d reached a comfortable plateau, Kate instead felt that they were both treading quicksand.
It wasn’t a welcome experience. She exhaled sadly and began to rinse the dishes – knowing that her own reluctance to speak up was partly to blame.
‘Honestly, though, Kate, thank you so much for bringing him home. Given the state I found him in… well…’ Megan paused for a moment, reminded of the image of Jonnie face down on the carpet in a pile of his own vomit. ‘I’m just thankful that he chose to come to you. Heaven only knows where he’d have ended up if he hadn’t.’
Megan had been dismayed to see the number of missed calls from her friend the previous evening. It had been an unwelcome surprise after an already exhausting experience of getting stuck on the Underground for close to two hours. The lack of ventilation, frustrated fellow passengers and the fact that she’d been forced to stand for most of the journey now seemed like a blessing in disguise. Finding out that Jonnie had made a nuisance of himself by going to Kate’s wasn’t something she would have had the strength to deal with. Especially after being called into the last-minute management meeting at work and told of the restructuring plan that was to affect the entire staff force at Hamilton’s.
‘It’s just a shame he slipped up. He was doing so well,’ Kate said, feeling sympathetic at the weariness in Megan’s voice. ‘I still can’t understand why he came here, though? Did he mention anything to you today?’
Relieved that she wasn’t having the conversation face to face, Megan nodded into her house phone. ‘Yes, he did; he said he locked himself out of Sid’s and you were the closest place he could think to go to.’ It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the entire truth.
‘Oh, okay, I thought it might have been more than that. I’m just pleased that Alf wasn’t home – he wouldn’t have been happy.’
Megan agreed. Having Alf involved in the situation would have made things exceedingly complicated. Besides, she wasn’t sure that, given her current state, she would have been able to hold back on the news she’d discovered at the meeting, directly affecting him. She tried to put the thought aside.
Just like Kate, she had been baffled as to why her brother had ventured to her friend’s house. Rather than pressing him for answers straight away, she’d waited until late morning, when a grey and pallid Jonnie had arisen from his slumber and – then sober – apologised profusely. She’d heard it all before, but with no desire to head down the well-trodden path of lecturing him, she’d instead asked why he’d gone to Kate’s. She’d been startled by his response. It seemed that in his incoherent stupor, after locking himself out of Sid’s and being ‘abandoned’ by Megan in her refusal to answer his calls, the only person he could think of who would understand his situation was Kate.
With lowered eyes and stilted words, he’d consciously tried to explain to Megan that he had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He’d been struggling with feelings of rejection and emotional neglect. Given that he knew Kate had no real family to speak of, he’d hoped to find a kindred spirit in her. After all, she’d made references on numerous occasions in the past to the fact that she, too, had felt empty. He thought she’d understand and maybe have some answers.
It had pained Megan to hear of her brother’s troubled feelings, but she was grateful that he’d passed out before he’d had a chance to open up to Kate. She knew her friend well and although she’d have done everything within her power to help Jonnie, Kate would have also been torn apart at revisiting the emotions associated with her parents’ and aunt’s death. She’d spent so long trying to make peace with everything and the emotions would have undoubtedly opened old wounds. It wasn’t a subject Megan wanted Jonnie to raise again – and she’d warned him of this, explaining that Kate had her own issues she was struggling with, without the extra burden of his, too.
Sidetracked by her thoughts, Megan realised she hadn’t been paying attention to Kate’s chattering. She caught the end of a sentence about visiting Tea Cup Viv for a reading and made what she hoped was the right reassuring response.
‘Great. So you’re going to have one, too, then?’ her friend asked in surprise. Without waiting for Megan’s response, she carried on enthusiastically. ‘I’ll tell Viv. I don’t want to do it alone; I’d prefer to have you there. You know – just in case. And it’ll be so interesting to see what she gets for you, too.’
Trying to sound enthusiastic, Megan said she’d look forward to it – with no real intention of undertaking anything of the sort. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in psychic abilities it just didn’t interest her. She had no desire to know anything about the future – she was much more content living day by day.
Kate knew this too, which was why she’d been a little taken aback at Megan’s keenness. She’d expected her friend to instantly dismiss the suggestion. She herself had been toying with the idea for most of the morning; gradually she’d come to the conclusion that she needed answers and although she didn’t really believe in it, perhaps it would offer some. She was at a loss as to what more she could do. Short of sitting down and having the frank conversation with Alf that was needed, she first wanted some guidance from somewhere – and if Viv could give that in some small way, then why not?
The previous evening, although it seemed to improve as the hours passed and the wine flowed, had left her once again wondering where their relationship was headed. Things, perhaps, wouldn’t
