Anyway, it was time for a change, I said.
I finished the last of the beer in my glass, thought back to the final meeting with that brittle spinster Nicole from Human Resources. Sign here, initial this. A swift and unceremonious dismissal that took almost two decades of work – all the successes and accolades and titles – and vanished it into the ether.
But they haven’t even heard my side, I said.
They know more than enough already, she replied coolly.
So you moved here for a new job, Karl said.
Not exactly, I said. I’m starting out. It’s going to take some time. At the moment, it’s pretty much just meetings and pitches, trying to show my reel to the right people.
I cracked my knuckles, the reassuring click of bones fitting into place. Karl wasn’t letting up.
But why pick Sweden? he asked.
I shrugged. We had the house. We wanted a different kind of life. Americans live so superficially – it’s all distraction and noise. I – well, we – we wanted something more real.
America is not real? Karl smiled. He’d already finished his second beer. I reached into the cooler and handed him a third.
America is a country built on myths, I said. Manifest destiny, American exceptionalism. The idea that we’re better than we really are.
Karl nodded. So what is the verdict? It’s better over here?
Of course, I said. Sweden feels like the best place in the world to be.
Karl laughed. Maybe you’re not looking closely enough. He raised his beer and gave a mock toast. Anyway, he said, let’s hope you’re right.
I looked at Conor on the lawn, bright-eyed and thriving.
Of course this was the place.
Freja came over to show Karl a cut on her finger. He said something to her in Swedish and she nodded and went back to Conor.
So you don’t miss home, Karl said. Being around your own people.
There’s not a damn thing I miss about the USA, I said.
Elsa came out balancing a bowl of coleslaw anda green salad. Merry followed with a pile of plates and cutlery. She looked tired. She’d been up since early, preparing for the guests. Next to Elsa, she seemed vaguely off-putting, her hair unwashed and pulled back into a messy bun.
No time, she’d said earlier when I asked.
There’s always time, I said, just not always good time management.
What about you, Merry, Karl asked. Do you miss being in the States?
Merry glanced over at me and shrugged. What’s there to miss?
We sat to eat, passed around bowls of food and saltshakers. Merry had overdressed the salad, but I said nothing.
It’s very good, Elsa said.
I noticed she hardly ate a thing.
Merry brought out a bowl with Conor’s baby food, and Freja asked if she might feed him. She took a spoon and made an airplane, flying mush into his mouth.
Look at that. I smiled. She’s a real natural.
Yes, Karl said, she can’t wait for a baby brother or sister to play with.
Elsa put down her knife and fork. Karl took a sip of his beer and gave me a knowing smile. In the meantime, he said, we have bought her a cat.
Elsa looked over at Conor and patted his arm. He is a wonderful baby, she said. Very sweet.
Sure is, I said, wondering how it was possible Karl didn’t crack her in half every time he lay on top of her.
Merry stood up to clear the dishes, scraping and stacking, refusing Elsa’s offer to help. When she came back out, she carried a cake for dessert; summer berries piled in the middle and drizzled in cream.
My domestic goddess, I said. What have we got here?
Merry passed around glass plates and silver cake forks. I recognized them from her mother’s silverware set.
Merry, Karl said, you haven’t told us what you do.
I pointed to the cake. She does this, I said, and we all laughed.
I used to work as a set designer, Merry said, almost inaudibly.
For movies? Karl asked.
Movies, TV shows, often just TV commercials.
Yes, I said, she was always constructing these little made-up worlds. Kitchens and living rooms, those generic sets you see on all the crappy ads. Disinfectant hand soap or mattresses.
Well, there were some more interesting projects, Merry said.
I had a sudden memory of her coming home one night with a green armchair she’d spent all day tracking down. She’d asked me to help her haul it up to our apartment. I remember how I resented that chair, and her for interrupting me for help with something so silly while I was grading papers. The job was beneath her. Beneath us.
I looked at her now. She had that look she gets from time to time. Pensive. Melancholic. Like she is slipping away. Forgetting herself.
I took another mouthful of cake. God, this is good, isn’t it?
Yes, Karl agreed. It’s a very good cake.
Merry blinked and smiled.
Do you plan to find something similar over here? Elsa asked. There are a lot of shows shot locally, in Stockholm or Gothenburg. It would be very convenient, very close by for you.
I caught Merry’s eye, and she shook her head. No, she said. It’s good to just focus on motherhood for now. That’s really the most important thing.
Before they left, I took Karl inside to show him my collection of African masks. Six carved wooden faces: three from the Ivory Coast, one from Benin, two Igbo fertility masks from my semester in Nigeria.
How exotic, he said.
They are terrifying. Elsa shuddered.
I laughed. Merry feels the same way. She’s been begging me to put them away in a box for years.
Elsa smiled. And still they are on the wall, she said.
After we said our goodbyes, I closed the door and pulled Merry to me.
That was fun, I said.
Yes, she said.
Aren’t they like wax models, those two?
Yes, she said. Elsa is flawless.
I
