Kelly.’ She smiled nervously. ‘Daniel’s girlfriend.’ She glanced at him as she spoke.
‘Oh, Kelly, it’s so lovely to meet you,’ I replied with as much cheer as I could summon. ‘I’m Daniel’s wife,’ I added, keeping the smile plastered on my face and holding a hand out across the table, which she shook apprehensively. I struggled to retain my composure, to keep all my pieces from crumbling. I couldn’t let the two of them see what they’d turned me into.
In reality, seeing her, all shiny, polished, and new, made me feel even drabber and frumpier than I had when I was getting ready. I could practically feel the frump grow around my body – each dimple of cellulite popped, my thighs started to bloat and swell, and the heavy sagginess of my breasts wore my chest down. My dull brown hair, which sat at a funny length, my pasty skin underneath the make-up, and my awful drab blouse that didn’t cling to any of the right places suddenly became the only things I could focus on. I wondered what the hell was taking Jen so long.
Finally Daniel spoke, breaking the silence. ‘So, I just thought you two should meet, since we were bound to bump into one another soon.’ He slid his chair back and stood up. Kelly followed.
‘Er, nice to meet you,’ she said hurriedly as they walked off. At least I managed to unnerve them a bit, I thought as I let my head slump to the table.
‘Was that…?’ I heard Jen’s voice.
‘Now you arrive.’ I lifted my head. ‘And yes, it was. Kelly she’s called, or bimbo-bitch-face if you prefer. I don’t care.’ I realized I was trembling.
‘Petulance isn’t very becoming, Hannah, definitely not at your age. It’s Daniel who betrayed you, not her.’ She cocked her head to the side in sympathy. ‘Although bimbo-bitch-face is probably fairly accurate terminology. What did they want?’
I couldn’t respond.
‘I bet you could do with another. We have time for a shot before the cab arrives,’ she said hopefully.
‘Actually, Jen, can you cancel the cab? I’m not feeling up to it. I’m really sorry but could we just go back to mine? We can watch Friends DVDs and eat junk.’ I’d used all of my energy on those two and quite fancied feeling frumpy and drab in private.
‘Of course,’ she said, her eyes filled with sympathy.
We walked back to my house arm in arm, stopping for supplies on the way. I started filling Jen in on my encounter with Cathy the cruise ship worker, to take my mind off Daniel.
‘That sounds amazing. If only I had a skill or talent that would get me a job on board,’ she mused. I wasn’t biting. Jen was the type of person who went on cruises, not worked on them. I knew what she was doing and, since speaking to Cathy, I’d thought about it too.
When we arrived, Jen went off to the kitchen to put everything out whilst I went upstairs to change into my pyjamas. I went into the en suite and sat down on the closed toilet lid, allowing my whole body to sag. Then I cried again. My tears were a cocktail of pain, rage, and humiliation. I wasn’t sure how I could face going out in the village again. My funds were dangerously low, and if work didn’t miraculously pick up soon there was a chance I’d lose everything I had left.
I had to keep going, pick myself up, and move on for the sake of my sanity, but how? I had no idea. I dried my eyes, got changed, and went downstairs to the lounge, where Jen had laid out a spread of Haribo, Doritos, and Heroes.
‘That’s a very sophisticated-looking buffet, Jen,’ I teased, going straight for the chocolate.
We managed to watch a good three episodes of Friends before Jen started.
‘So, why not get away from the village for a little while? It doesn’t have to be the cruise ship – just a holiday or something, a break.’
‘Because everything I have is here. I can’t just leave for a holiday whilst my business is in such a state. I can’t afford to anyway and I couldn’t go and work on a cruise ship. My life is here.’ I folded my arms across my body defensively.
‘But is it, really? I think it’s fair to say your life was here. There’s not all that much left, aside from your fabulous sister, of course.’ I looked at her for a moment, thinking about what she was saying. Did the rest of the village wonder why I was still hanging around? The embarrassment I already felt stepped up a notch at the thought of everyone pitying me and what was left of my life.
‘Is that what you think I should do? Leave?’ I asked.
‘I just think that you don’t get many opportunities in life where you can just up and leave, especially as you get older. This just seems like you’ve got a VIP pass.’
I paused to think about it.
‘Well at least let’s have a look into it,’ she coaxed.
‘Fine, I’ll humour you.’ I stomped over to grab my laptop. ‘You go and get more wine.’
By the time she returned I’d booted up the laptop and found a few webpages with helpful information, including the website of a company that operated on-board spas.
To be honest, it did look quite exciting – the oceanic setting, visiting new places whilst doing the job I’d always loved.
‘You’re grinning,’ Jen said. She’d caught me.
‘Okay, yes. I’m grinning. It does look pretty amazing. Take a look.’ I slid the laptop down the table so she could see for herself. She spent a few moments scanning the screen.
‘Oh, Hannah, just go for it. What have you got to lose? Look, there’s an option to request more information.’ Her fingers flew over the keys, and she looked up at me sheepishly. ‘Whoops, I’ve requested it.’
‘Sell the house?’ I slumped back in the chair and glared at Wilfred’s ruddy face. When I’d called for advice, I was hoping he’d talk through options that would enable me to keep my home and business.
‘You need to rebuild your business to be able to afford your house, and looking through these figures, you’re quite a way off.’ He plonked a pile of paperwork on the desk. ‘You could sell off your business, but it won’t fetch much, and when that money runs out, you won’t have the income needed to be able to afford the house. My best advice is to sell the house, use the proceeds to supplement your income until your business builds back up, and rent a small flat. You may even need a part-time job in the meantime.’ Wilfred let out a deep sigh. ‘I’m sorry, Hannah. I know you’ve been through the ringer and that’s not what you wanted to hear.
I stomped out of his office and headed down the high street towards the hairdresser’s. It felt like I was on the AGV Italo to failure, desperate to get off – I was no longer in control. The only thing I felt I could take any charge of was my shapeless bob. I popped in on the off chance they could squeeze me in and luckily Sheila came to the rescue.
‘Of course, Hannah, after what you’ve …’ I held up a finger to cut the well-meaning hairdresser off.
‘I’m moving on,’ I said defiantly. ‘But I’m
