of least resistance has to be the A82. Which leads us directly to the middle of an even more nowhere place than this – and a highly Buddhist place it is to be, if I recall.’
They managed to find some vegetarian burgers in a small shop on the edge of town which they wrapped in tinfoil and cooked on Biddy’s engine as they hurtled southbound on the path of least resistance.
Six weeks before, Sheridan Entwhistle had had a somewhat uncomfortable conversation and quite possibly it had been the beginning of everything.
The cautionary palpitations. The peculiar thoughts flinging up into his consciousness. The dissipation of a hard-earned inner pomposity. And, as it would seem a month and a half later, the folding of his existence into a bizarre anarchy.
‘You realize this meeting is the result of a quite ludicrous misunderstanding,’ Sheridan announced with all the resilience of a seasoned building. ‘And the fact that the unfortunate episode, as you so delicately put it, occurred post a luncheon, where yes, as we’ve established, I did partake of the grape in moderate quantities, is purely circumstantial. The events are entirely unrelated. And in my view, and I imagine the view of anyone with an ounce of commonsense, the events are significant only inasmuch as they are entirely insignificant. I don’t think I can make myself any clearer. Nor do I think that I can spare any further time in discussing these fictions.’
He rose.
Belinda Oliphant, Director of Personnel and Human Resources, cleared her throat.
‘Please sit down, Sheridan.’
He complied with a frown and she nodded to her PA, indicating that what she was about to say needn’t be recorded.
‘Look Sheridan, the last thing I want to do is waste your time and mine re-treading the same ground. And believe me, Sheridan, the very, very last thing I want to do is suggest that you’re, well, being conservative with the truth. But, Sheridan, surely you can see that there are things which simply don’t add up.’
‘Absolutely, Belinda. Someone’s imagination has got the better of them. And I suggest it is to them you should be talking. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have things …’
‘And frankly,’ Belinda went on, raising her voice a touch, ‘if person A reports that person B was slurring their speech and reeking of alcohol, I’m duty bound to treat the sober account …’
‘I take exception to …’
‘Sheridan, what motive could she possibly have for making this up?’
‘I’m not suggesting that she did make it up. I simply believe she misunderstood the intention behind the invitation.’
‘But you repeated the invitation. You wouldn’t take no for an answer. That is not something that a person makes up or misunderstands. That is a statement of fact.’ She gestured to the PA to recommence note taking.
‘Look, if I did, it was purely because, well, I suppose I thought she was being polite, or shy or something … you know how these girls, these women, can be.’
‘Helen declined the invitation, initially on the grounds that she wouldn’t feel comfortable in a wine bar dressed as she was. Is that correct?’
‘Yes, I believe …’
‘To which you replied …’ Belinda donned a devilish pair of spectacles and read from a typed sheet of paper. ‘“Rubbish, my dear, you look absolutely scrumptious as you are.”’
‘I may have used that turn of … an unfortunate choice of words in the light of things but, I assure you, entirely innocent.’
‘And at that time your hand was placed on her shoulder? Her naked shoulder, because that day she was wearing a sleeveless top. Am I right?’
‘A careless error. Still, I have no recollection.’
‘And your hand remained on her shoulder for the entire time you were issuing your invitations?’
‘If it did, it really was an unconscious gesture. And I fail to see that what she was wearing …’
‘Still, your noble intentions aside, you are not denying that the situation may have been similar to the way I’ve described it?’
‘It’s not the description that I take exception to, it’s the ridiculous interpretation that you’re forcing upon an innocent – I stress innocent – professional drinks invitation.’
‘An invitation which took place at five-twenty, perhaps ten minutes after you’d returned from lunch that particular afternoon.’
‘Absolute tosh. I went on to a meeting in the City directly after lunch.’
‘And you maintain that you were sober.’
‘Good God, woman. Of course I was bloody well …’
Belinda looked at Sheridan almost sympathetically.
‘Oh Sheridan, Sheridan. If you’d wanted to discuss Helen’s career, why didn’t you do it in your office? Why didn’t you do it the next morning?’
Sheridan had no answer.
Belinda latched on to his reticence and, looking directly into his eyes, asked, ‘And Sheridan, can you explain to me why Helen was in tears when she came to my office?’
Sheridan shook his head.
‘And why have I had reports of a number of other, all be they less serious, improprieties?’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Mostly concerning your choice of words when addressing or referring to women? Three months ago you were requested to refrain from using the word, dear.’
‘Which I found made letter writing somewhat awkward. Of course I denied such a petty-minded request.’
‘And sales executives as, girls.’
‘My dear …’ he said with purpose. ‘You must understand: some habits die hard. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another engagement.’
‘Sheridan, Sheridan, briefly.’
‘What?’
‘Would you consider writing Helen a letter of apology? Do that and I think things might settle.’
‘Good God, woman. If there are any apologies flying around I expect to be on the receiving end of them all. Good afternoon, Mzzz Oliphant.’
‘Sheridan,’ she called as he threw open the door. ‘I’m afraid I have no choice but to report the matter to James, and recommend that further action be taken. I strongly advise you to opt for the apology.’
He turned and, for the first time since he’d been in prep school, Sheridan Entwhistle waggled his hand on his nose and blew a raspberry. Belinda Oliphant indicated that her PA should make a note of this.
Perhaps Sheridan hadn’t been quite so eloquent.
