The Loner. Josephine Cox
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‘Don’t get upset, Grandad,’ Davie whispered. ‘You’ll see, it’ll be all right. It always is.’
Smiling fondly, the old man laid his hand on the boy’s head. ‘You’re a good lad, Davie. An example to us all.’ He nodded. ‘Happen you’re right. Happen the both of us should get back to our beds.’ He gave a stifled little cough. ‘Afore we catch our death o’ cold, eh?’
He paused at the sound of someone fumbling with a key in the front door lock, then the banging of fists against wood, and then her voice, loud and angry. ‘What the devil are you lot playing at in there? Thought you’d lock me out?’ There was a crude laugh and then she was yelling, ‘OPEN THIS DOOR, YOU BASTARDS! IT’S BLOODY FREEZING OUT HERE!’
Joseph’s face crumpled with disgust. ‘Drunk and shameless…cares for nothing and nobody, least of all us.’ He had long heard the gossip, and for a while he had chosen to ignore it. But little by little, the truth had hit home: his daughter, little more than a streetwoman.
Suddenly she burst in, muttering and swearing when she lost her balance as she turned to slam shut the door. ‘You buggers locked me out – left me in the cold like some mangy old dog.’ Grovelling about on her knees, she continued to moan and curse, ‘Thought you’d keep me out, did you? Unfeeling, miserable bastards…’
‘Stop that racket – you’ll wake the boy! Nobody locked you out.’ Don was unaware that his son was already out of bed, a witness to everything.
Startled that he was so near, Rita scrambled to her feet and looked up. Standing before her was a man of some stature, his handsome features set hard and his dark Irish eyes tinged with sadness. Where he had once been proud and content, there was lately a nervousness to him, a sense of despair had gradually etched itself into his heart and soul, and it showed – in the eyes and the deepening lines on his face, and in the way he held his shoulders, bowed down as though he had the weight of the world on them.
Everyone knew how it was between him and his wife. His workmates knew more than most. Some had even bragged of bedding her. They goaded and tormented him, until he was forced to defend both himself and his wife. Twice he’d been involved in fierce fighting, and each time it was he who took the blame and got sent on his way.
After a time he had learned to keep his head down and get on with his work There seemed no point in trying to defend her any more, and though he evaded the jokes and innuendos, the shame was crippling, but he was a man trapped in the wonderful memories of how it used to be. Even now he loved her with a passion that frightened him. But now, at long last, his love for her was overwhelmed by another more powerful feeling; a feeling of utter, crippling revulsion.
‘Hello, Donny, my big, handsome man.’ Unsteady, unashamed, she opened her arms and went to him, her clumsy fingers tousling his brown hair. ‘You needn’t have waited up. I meant to be home earlier, only I went to see Edna Sedgwick. We got talking – you know how it is…’
He pushed her away. ‘Don’t lie to me, Rita.’
‘I’m not lying.’ She could look him in the eye without the slightest compunction. ‘I’m telling you the truth! Why do you never believe me?’
He smiled then – a slow, sad smile that made her feel guilty. ‘Because I’m not the fool you take me for,’ he answered in his soft Irish lilt. ‘I’ve learned the hard way so I have.’
When again she prepared to lie, he bristled with anger. ‘For God’s sake, Rita, look at the state of you. You’ve been out on the town…again! Booze and men, that’s what you’ve been up to! Who was it this time, eh? One of the men from the factory, was it? One of my new workmates, is that the way of it, eh? Will I go into work on the morrow and have ’em all staring at me,…sniggering behind my back and pitying me? Is that how it’ll be?’
‘NO!’ The guilt was written all over her face, and still she defied him. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying. I would never do a thing like that.’
‘Liar!’ He looked down on her face and adored every inch of it. But if he didn’t stand up to her this time, he never would. ‘I know what you’ve been up to. You’ll not squirm out of it this time. I’ve had enough of being the town laughing-stock. It’s all over now, so it is. You’ve played the dirty on me once too often.’
‘I already told you, I was with Edna.’ She had learned to lie handsomely. ‘We were in her house all night.’
When she came closer, reaching up, he got another waft of her tainted breath, and it sickened him. ‘I want the truth.’ He pushed her away.
‘I already told you – I went to see Edna.’ Rita yawned. ‘She was right glad to see me, Donny – she asked after you and the boy, and—’
‘For God’s sake, Rita, will ye stop!’ Suddenly he had her gripped by the shoulders. For what seemed an age he looked her deep in the eyes, and what he had to say next shook her to the core. ‘So, you went to see Edna, did you? And what would you say if I told you that Edna Sedgwick died two days ago.’
Throwing her aside, he looked at her with contempt. ‘Fred called here earlier to tell us the news.’ The bitterness in his voice was cutting. ‘Poor Edna’s been at death’s door this past week, and you didn’t even know, or care. In the two years since she moved away, you couldn’t find the time to go and see her once – not even when you knew she’d been ill. So I’ll ask you again: who were you really with tonight?’
Genuinely shocked to hear the news about Edna, Rita knew her lies had found her out. A sob rose in her throat as she looked pleadingly at her husband.
He hardened his heart. ‘I don’t suppose you even know who you were with. Lifting your skirts to some stranger you might never see again. I dare say he thought you were a woman off the streets. And where did ye go this time, eh?’ The big Irish man could have wept as he said the ugly words to his beautiful wife, who degraded them all with her actions. ‘Down the alley, was it?’ he persisted. ‘Or did you find some filthy room at the back of a pub?’
When the awful truth of his words hit home, Rita’s heart sank. So Edna had died and she didn’t even know. She and Edie, as she had always called her, had been the best of friends, shared many a giggle as Rita did her neighbour’s hair of an evening, accepting one of her homemade sponges in return. Innocent days, simple pleasures. Remorse settled on Rita like a cloud. What was she doing – to herself, to her family?
‘Don’t talk like that, Donny,’ she pleaded. ‘You know it’s you I love.’ She couldn’t help what she did, but she was sorry. She was always sorry. ‘I won’t do it again, I prom-’
‘No more promises!’ Don Adams came to a decision that had been months, if not years, in the making. ‘You’re not the woman I married,’ he told Rita. ‘Sure, I don’t know you any more. I don’t want you anywhere near me. I don’t want you in my bed, and I don’t need you in my life.’ Suddenly, though his heart ached with love for her, he felt as if a great weight had fallen from him. The endless torment was over. He strode towards the door.
There