You know I get a bilious attack just looking at the facade of The Hilton.”
I can’t quite make up my mind about Jeremy. He is too old to be Robin’s son and yet they obviously have a very close relationship. At least he does not represent the same threat as a woman. I don’t know what it is but there seems something faintly effeminate about him. I ask Penny what she thinks as we stagger along behind, carrying the suitcases.
“Robin and batman,” she says. It takes me a little while to realise what she means and then I get it. She is making a joke. By the time I get around to asking her what she really thinks, we are at the car.
“We’re not all supposed to get in this, are we?” says Robin irritably. “Remember, I’m a star, not a midget act. Brentford is an easier way of spelling charisma.”
“I told you,” I hiss to Penny. “If you’d listened to me—”
“Shut up!” Penny stops speaking out of the corner of her mouth and we watch the last taxi pull out of the station forecourt. “I’m afraid it’s all there is,” she says, smiling sweetly.
Robin groans. “To think I cancelled a masonic dinner to come here. Come on, let’s get it over with.” He scrambles into the car and then has to scramble out again so that Jeremy and I can get in the back seat. Really! It is so blush-making. We are jammed closer together than a couple of pilchards and my skirt rides up my thighs. I suppose Penny was right about my clothes. They are a bit tight and revealing.
“It’s an awful squash, isn’t it?” I say.
“Uuuum.” Jeremy is a good-looking boy but he seems terribly shy. When I think what liberties some people would take in a situation like this, the mind boggles. Not, of course, that I want Jeremy to behave like that. It is just that a girl likes to know that men find her attractive. Jeremy must be getting a crick in the neck the way he is trying to peer out of the window.
“Do watch where you’re going!” snaps Robin. Penny does not seem to be making a lot of progress in the front seat. “How does this safety belt work?”
“You have to untwist it first. Here, let me.” Of course I do not intend to dangle my boobs in front of Robin’s face as I lean over his shoulder. It just happens that way. Some men might count themselves fortunate, my bust is one of my best features, but Brentford sheers away like I am some kind of tarantella. What is the matter with my fatal allure? Maybe it really is fatal.
“Please drive more slowly!” gasps Super Star. “Remember, you have a million dollars worth of dream fodder to nurture.”
“I’m sorry. We’re going to be late for the play if I don’t get a move on.”
Robin leans forward nervously. “I’d rather catch the second act than the first act up there.” He jerks his eyes heavenwards.”
“The act of the apostles,” says Penny brightly, overtaking a furniture van on the inside—practically on the inside of the furniture van.
“Precisely,” groans Brentford. “Be a love and pass me my pills, Jeremy.”
“I’ve just eaten them all.”
“Drat! How typically thoughtless of you. You’re so inconsiderate I could spit!”
“Sticks and stones!” Jeremy flicks his hand as if trying to jerk it off his wrist.
“Here we are,” I say cheerfully. “The Lamb and Cuspidor.”
Robin looks out of the window and shudders. “Have we got to stay there? It looks like a public urinal.”
“It is a public urinal. The pub is next door.”
Robin shifts his gaze. “I think I’d prefer the public urinal,” he says after a pause.
“You’ll probably have to share a room,” says Penny. “Will that be all right?”
“I expect we’ll make out,” says Robin gruffly. Jeremy does not say anything.
I know it is silly but I feel quite upset at the thought of Jeremy and Robin sharing a room. Of course I have no intention of becoming physically involved with Robin, the whole idea is too stupid for words, but I do like the romantic feeling of him being alone in his room. I can see him in a velvet smoking jacket standing by the open window and puffing his pipe across the moors—or, in this case, the allotment—the shadows from the log fire flickering against the half-timbered walls. …
“Penny, my love. What a marvellous surprise—and you, Rose. Our good fortune knows no bounds.”
I turn to see Guy Hark-Bach and Rex Harrington watching us from the doorway of the snug. I have not seen them since my unfortunate experience during the game of ‘Hunt The Horseshoe’ although I know that Penny still plays regularly. How typical that we should bump into them when we are already committed.
“Have a swift snort, girls,” says Rex.
“No time, I’m afraid,” sings out Penny. “We’ve got to go to the school play.”
“Who are those two queer-looking fellows?” says Guy, lowering his voice so that only people standing within fifty yards can hear him.
“Robin Brentford and his friend,” I say. “You know, the famous actor.”
“His friend is the famous actor?” says Rex.
“Jokes like that aren’t funny,” I say stiffly. “Everybody knows Robin Brentford. You name it, he’s opened it.”
“Oh yes. He’s on the telly when he’s not appearing on the Co-op advertisements, isn’t he? How frightfully amusing. Is he appearing in the school play?”
“Of course not! He’s the guest of honour.”
Robin and Jeremy have gone upstairs and, before I can reply to Rex, there is a scuffling noise and a sharp slap. Jeremy runs down the stairs clutching his cheek and Robin follows hot on his heels.
“Oh God!” sighs Penny.
“Jeremy, Jeremy! I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me,” squeals Robin.
“You struck me! You struck me!” Jeremy rolls out the words like a carpet.
“Time to be off,” I say heartily. “Room all right?” I don’t have to wait for a reply because Jeremy storms into the street with Robin after him.
“Have a good evening,” says Guy, raising his glass. “If you feel like a change of scene later, pop round to the stables. We’re having a few people in for a drink.” He winks at Penny and nods at me which I find rather irritating. I am not all that much of a wet blanket. I have petted up to the heavyweight division in my time.
“We’ll see,” says Penny. “Toodle pip.”
When we get outside there is no sign of either Robin or Jeremy and it is five minutes before we run them to earth at the back of the gents. Jeremy is in an awful mood and refuses point blank to come to the play. In the end we persuade Robin to come by himself but you can tell that his heart is not in it. They are a funny couple,
