I didn’t,’ Steve sounded bored. God, had he always been so bored of me?
‘Who was your friend?’ I knew my voice had come out reedy and tinny, but I couldn’t help myself. I hated the way Steve made me sound like a nagging wife. It was so bloody demeaning.
‘I knew you’d be like this,’ said Steve, turning on the offensive. A typical tactic to try and make me appear in the wrong. I wasn’t standing for it this time. I was going to have it out with him, whatever the consequences.
‘Like what?’ Trying to keep my voice calm and level. Trying not to rise to his bait.
‘Accusatory. Jealous. Idiotically accusing me of stuff.’
‘I haven’t actually accused you of anything,’ I said, in what I felt to be a perfectly reasonable manner. ‘Should I have?’
‘How could you say that?’ He had the cheek to sound hurt. As if he’d done nothing wrong.
‘Well, let me see. There was Stacey in accounts, and Dannii from sales, and Petra from export. Not to mention what did or didn’t go on with my best friend. Why on earth should I imagine in any shape or form you are at all trustworthy?’
‘Why rake up old stuff?’ said Steve. ‘You know I love you, babe.’
‘Do I? Do I really?’ I said. This is the way it always went, but I was tired, tired of always being second best, and tired of his lies.
‘I know I don’t show it enough,’ Steve said, taking my hand, ‘but seriously you’re the only one that matters to me.’
‘So who did you go to the zoo with?’ I said. I didn’t want to look in his eyes. I didn’t want him to seduce me with his weasel words. ‘Come on, I want to know.’
‘It was Kirsty,’ he muttered.
‘Kirsty, as in your secretary Kirsty?’ That figured. She was a buxom blonde, Steve’s normal type (Caz was clearly some kind of wild aberration). I’d had her taped as a potential rival when I met her at the Christmas party.
‘When she heard you were away, she offered to help,’ said Steve. ‘You should be grateful. She was great with the kids.’
‘I bet,’ I said dryly. ‘So why the big secret?’
‘Because I knew you’d react like this,’ said Steve. He snuggled up to me and I felt my body weakly respond. ‘I know I’ve been a bad boy in the past, but that really is behind me. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize us. I don’t want to hurt you.’
He looked at me with those big, puppy pleading eyes. He was so damned plausible. So difficult to resist. I almost believed him. Almost. I just couldn’t rid myself of the lingering doubt that he was lying to me, again. I just couldn’t trust him.
‘If you say so,’ I said, and responded stiffly to his embrace. I had no proof that he was cheating. Just a gut feeling. And it didn’t feel good.
‘So you let him get away with it again?’ I was round at Dorrie’s, having our weekly coffee together. It was a habit I’d got into since Dorrie had stopped work. She’d gone back to her job doing something fantastically clever in biochemistry for her obligatory three months but then decided to stay at home with Woody. Of course, Dorrie being very sociable, she found being at home incredibly isolating, and for a while had seemed quite low, so Beth and I had made it our mission to try and keep her cheerful. Somehow the world didn’t seem right when Doris was down in the dumps.
‘I suppose so,’ I said. ‘I wanted to really have it out with him, but I can’t prove anything. Besides, there’s a bit of me that just doesn’t want to know.’
‘Coward,’ said Dorrie. ‘You know you’re too good for him.’
‘That’s what Joe always says,’ I said. Steve’s younger brother, Joe, was a frequent visitor to our house, often stepping in to help out with the boys, when Steve was on one of his many business trips away. Of late he’d even been taking them to football for me on a Saturday. I didn’t know what I’d do without his steady, unwavering support.
Dorrie looked at me slightly askance, eyes narrowed.
‘Do you ever wonder if you married the wrong brother?’
‘No! No! That’s ridiculous,’ I said. ‘I mean, I like Joe. He’s always been really good to me. But he’s Steve’s brother. I couldn’t even begin to think about it. It wouldn’t be right.’
‘Hmm,’ said Dorrie, clearly not believing me, and of course, being right not to. I’d always been fond of Joe, and he was a great help, the kids absolutely loved him. There were times, it’s true, when I’d idly wondered how it would have been if I’d married Joe and not Steve. I was pretty sure Joe wouldn’t have cheated on me. I shook my head. This was ridiculous. Joe was my brother-in-law. And I was in love with Steve.
‘Right, what do you want me to help you with today?’ I changed the subject. Another reason for our weekly meets was to help Doris plan the wedding. Her mum was away with the fairies more often than not these days, and not much help. I rather suspected her of being depressed, but Dorrie had never talked about it, and it wasn’t my business. For some reason, though she was open about everything else, Dorrie kept a tight lid on what was happening in her family. When her dad was still alive she barely mentioned the problems he was having, and yet it must have been incredibly tough.
‘I’ve just found these great little bags for party favours on Freecycle,’ said Doris. She and Darren could probably have afforded to make a big splash, but Dorrie reckoned they needed the money for more important things, namely Woody and any siblings he might have. So she’d set her heart on having a stylish wedding at as little cost as possible. Well, if you can call a Disney theme stylish, I suppose. The way she was going, she was making Posh and Becks’ wedding look positively restrained.
‘Do you mean these?’ I fell about laughing as I picked up a box full of little net pink and blue bags with a drawstring on them. They had stars and the letter D embroidered on them.
‘What’s wrong with them?’ said Doris. ‘I think they’re cute.’
‘Nothing,’ I said. She really meant it, bless her. ‘Did you decide on the shoes in the end?’
Last week Doris had put in two bids on eBay for satin court shoes. One pair was in baby blue, which would match the Cinderella-style blue wedding dress which she’d got second hand from a fancy-dress shop, the other was a more traditional cream to match the other Cinderella dress which she’d got on eBay. She hadn’t decided yet which colour to go for on the day. I preferred the cream, but I knew Doris was determined to get the blue.
‘Come upstairs and I’ll show you,’ Doris said, ‘but we’ll have to be quiet as Woody’s still having his nap.’
She led me into her spare room, which had a big notice on saying: DAZ KEEP OUT! Important wedding stuff not to be seen before the big day. The room was jammed from floor to ceiling with wedding paraphernalia.
‘My god, how much stuff have you got?’ I gasped.
‘Ever since I put that ad on Freecycle, people keep sending me
