He cupped her head, pressing her face into his shoulder. ‘Is it your mum?’
‘Yes, no. She’s…it’s the hospital…and Jamie…I’m sorry…’ Her voice rose on a wail of such pain it hurt him to hear it. They’d been rubbing along so well together he’d almost forgotten about the invisible barrier of her husband between them. There was no way he could compete with the love she still held for him. He hadn’t even been in the running.
Shattered, he squeezed his eyes tight against the sting of his own tears and laid his cheek upon the top of her head. ‘Shh. Don’t be sorry; don’t ever be sorry for how you feel,’ he murmured. Something he needed to remember too. She was a woman worth loving, even if they would never be more than friends.
On and on, the storm of her grief battered him and he held firm, giving her an anchor until she subsided into a series of hiccupping sobs. She shivered, burrowing closer to him, and he rubbed her arms to try and soothe the goose bumps forming. He stood gingerly, tucking his hands under her thighs to take her slight weight. Mia wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and pressed closer, clinging like a monkey, and Daniel adjusted his grip until he knew he could hold her safely.
He didn’t speak as he slowly climbed the stairs to the first floor and turned towards his room. He didn’t want to invade Mia’s space without invitation and she had always been protective of her room on the top floor; besides he knew where everything he needed was in his own room. Forgoing the light switch, not willing to let go of his precious burden, he kicked the door wide and navigated to the big bed. She didn’t speak, but sat on the edge at his gentle urging. He bent to slip off her shoes. The blouse she wore had rucked up around her middle.
A quick rummage in his bedside drawer produced a soft T-shirt. It was an old favourite band shirt from his youth, the pattern barely visible any more and the cotton washed so often it was as soft as butter. He unbuttoned her blouse, left her bra in place and pulled the T-shirt over Mia’s head. ‘Stand up for me a minute?’
Her movements robotic, she stood. The blank stare on her face worried him more than the hysterical weeping from before. Taking care not to touch her bare skin, Daniel unfastened her jeans and helped her step out of them. He tugged back the thick quilt and then stopped and turned to Mia, cupping her face gently in his hands as he raised her face to look at him.
‘Do you want to sleep here tonight, or would you rather go up to your room?’ he asked.
‘Here, please,’ she whispered. ‘Here with you.’
That wasn’t what he’d meant. Not at all. The sofa downstairs had served him well enough and he’d planned on tucking her in and leaving her in peace. If company was what she needed right now then it was the least he could offer, given how much she’d done for him.
He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and urged her towards the bed, scooting her across the sheet as he climbed in beside her and drew the quilt up over them. Mia curled in to him, and he pulled her closer, shielding her body as though he could protect her from the pain she was suffering. She nestled in against his shoulder like a kitten seeking warmth. He lay back and stared upwards, the light from the bathroom casting shadows across the ceiling.
‘I didn’t mean to lose it just now. Mum’s in hospital, the same one where they took Jamie, you know, afterwards. I told you last time it’s the strangest things that set me off.’ She shook her head to ward off the tears gathering in her throat. ‘Anyway, things with Mum and Dad have never been easy. I think they must have loved each other once, but when I look at them through grown-up eyes they seem such an odd match. He’s a scholar, career-focused and obsessed with all things ancient Greek. She drinks.’
There was so much pain wrapped up in those two words. Shame washed over him. How many people had he hurt like this in his own pursuit of oblivion? She needed to know. ‘I drank. Took stuff too. Nothing too hard, pills, a bit of blow now and then. It started as a way to handle the attention, a quick shot or a sniff to calm my nerves. Became a bit more than that, but everyone around me was doing it so it felt normal. If I hadn’t left town when I did, I’m not sure where I might have ended up.’
‘Do you miss it?’ Her soft question startled a bark of laughter from him.
‘Christ, no. It’s the thing that scares me most about the idea of going back to London. I don’t know how to live that life and not get sucked back into it.’
***
She could feel him trembling against her, sense the fear in his voice. What had it taken for him to make such an admission? He’d shown no signs of needing a drink, and she knew them all by heart from watching her mother. The nervous check of her watch, the glances flicked towards the drinks cabinet as the afternoon ticked past to an hour deemed acceptable for alcohol. The not-so-funny jesting remarks. ‘The sun’s past the yardarm. It must be five o’clock somewhere.’ And five o’clock became four, then three, then a quick tipple with lunch, a nip of sherry at eleven, a splash of vodka in the breakfast orange juice.
She couldn’t cope with another alcoholic in her life. ‘Promise me you’ll say if that changes.’
‘I swear, if I even think about a drink, I’ll find a programme. I don’t want to be that man, Mia. Fitz is the past, a character I played for a while, but he isn’t me.’
He was filling up the dark empty corners of her heart, piece by piece, and Mia had to make him understand what she was feeling before things got any more complicated between them. She didn’t want to be a pity project, a way for Daniel to make himself feel better by taking care of her. If he was looking for a cause to champion, he’d have to look elsewhere. If they were going to make something of the growing bond between, it would need to be on equal footing. She would have to do her part and take care of Daniel and his needs as well.
‘I was thinking today, before the phone call, when I was making dinner,’ she started to speak and then sat bolt upright. ‘Damn, you put the plates in the oven to keep warm and we’ve left them in there.’ Mia started to scramble for the edge of the bed, but he stopped her with a gentle touch.
‘Stay here in the warm and I’ll go and sort them out. If it’s still edible I’ll bring it up or we’ll be starving later. Can you manage a bite to eat?’ Mia nodded and sat back against the pillows.
‘You don’t have to wait on me, Daniel. I’m really okay; I can help.’
‘Indulge me, please? I’ll be two minutes.’ Good to his word, he was soon back with the two plates of pasta on a tray with some cutlery and a large bottle of water, cold from the fridge. Once they stirred the food, it was fine as she hadn’t stinted on the cream sauce, and they sat together in the bed sharing the water between them as they ate.
‘So, you were thinking when you were cooking…’ Daniel prompted.
It was crunch time. ‘Oh. Yes, well. I was thinking about how much I like you being here with me. I’m not saying I want anything to happen between us.’ She blushed and felt a little ridiculous when he grinned at her.
‘You sure know how to boost a man’s ego.’ The teasing tone set her at ease.
‘I’m not saying I don’t either. I just…’ She huffed out a breath. ‘I don’t know what I’m saying.’
‘I don’t think either of us are in the place to be making big steps beyond friendship. I like being around you, and I want to stay here with you. I want to see you achieve your dreams here.’ He glanced away then quickly back. ‘I’ll
