Evian.
‘Yes,’ I said, when I put my cup down, which has a picture of Aristotle on it – I mean the real Greek guy, not my cat! Mommy bought it for me when we went to the Metropolitan Museum, ‘but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to come. It just means I just want to stay at home today more.’
Mommy got out of her chair and came and crouched down really near me, so that her eyes were the same height as my eyes. Her eyes, which are greeny-brown, were all watery, and the white bits had little lines of red in them, those kind of tiny strings of red you get in your eyes when you rub them a lot. Mom took hold of my hand.
‘Colette … I really think you should come …’ she said. With her other hand, she brushed my fringe, kind of like she was brushing it out of my eyes, but it was never in my eyes. This made me shiver a bit. I could feel lots of stuff inside me that I wanted to say. I could feel it wanting to come out like I was going to throw up, like the words were food or maybe something that wasn’t food that I shouldn’t have eaten, like when Jada told me she once swallowed an earbud.
‘But it’s so boring in the hospital! They don’t have anything for me to do there, and the TV is just on CNN all the time, and the only toys they have are for babies! And no one who’s my age ever comes there and I have to meet lots of creepy people like that fat guy Harvey – and he’s like my brother and I haven’t even met him before!’
I didn’t think I was screaming or anything when I said this, although I knew it must have been quite loud, because Noda came out of the kitchen making that face that she makes when she thinks something’s wrong, but Mom just shook her head and did a little wave of her hand, and she went back in again.
‘Colette. Firstly, could you not raise your voice to me like that? And secondly, could you not talk in that stupid way you’ve just learnt off the TV?’
I didn’t say anything. I looked down at my plate. My pancakes had gone cold. I could see the syrup on top of one of the cranberries had gone all hard. I heard her breathe really deeply. I was so annoyed by then that even that annoyed me, hearing her breathe really deeply. It was like it was louder than it needed to be, like she was making sure I heard her breathe.
‘Darling,’ she said after a bit – her voice had gone softer, because she wasn’t telling me off any more – ‘you always knew that you had half-brothers and sisters that you’ve never met. Harvey’s just one of them.’
‘Well, I don’t like him. He’s fat and sweaty and he smelt funny.’ She opened her mouth to tell me off then, but before she could speak, I said: ‘And he upset Daddy.’
Her mouth stuck open at that for a bit, like a fish. Her face went different.
‘Do you think so?’
‘God, yeah! He was really upset when he saw him. It was like he was saying Could someone please get that guy out of here!’
She smiled, that stupid smile that means Oh darling you don’t understand. ‘I don’t think so, darling.’
‘Who are the others?’ I said.
‘What others?’
‘The other brothers and sisters.’
Her forehead went all lined. ‘Colette. I’ve told you all this before.’
‘I know but that was ages ago.’
Mommy tutted, and looked at her watch. It was a present from Daddy. It’s got diamonds in it and everything.
‘Apart from Harvey, there’s Simone, who lives in France. And Jules, who lives in Los Angeles …’
‘Is that a boy or a girl?’
‘It’s a boy. A man.’
‘Has he got any children?’
‘No, he’s gay.’
I know what this means. Mommy told me this when I was little. It means he can have sex with men, even though he is a man. Women can do it, too, with women. I don’t know about girls and boys. When I was little, Mommy used to say it means a man can fall in love with a man, or a woman with a woman, but now I know it means they can have sex, too.
‘How old are they?’
‘Uh … Jules is about fifty, I think. Simone is … I don’t know. She never tells anyone her age, Daddy says.’
‘Why not?’
Mom just shook her head. ‘I guess she’s fifty-something, too.’
‘Are they coming to see Daddy, too?’
Mommy made a bit of a weird face when I said this, like she’d hurt her tongue or something.
‘I don’t think so, darling. That’s all a bit complicated.
‘You’re doing that thing.’
‘What thing?’
‘Of not telling me something because you think I won’t understand.’
She did a big sigh and tucked her hair behind her ears. There are red veins on the top of her ears.
‘So why do I have to go every day, when they aren’t even coming at all!’
‘Col …’
‘They’re Daddy’s children, too!’
She looked a bit surprised when I said this. I guess I did say it pretty loud again. Although I don’t know if that was why she was surprised. It was more like I was saying something she didn’t know. She didn’t say anything for a bit, just stared at me. Then she did another big breath.
‘Listen, Colette, I know how hard it must be for you, seeing Daddy like he is now …’
‘Yes,’ I said, because I could tell that this was the best thing to say to get her to let me stay home. But when I said it, I felt really sad inside, like it was just true.
‘… but – you know how we’ve talked about how – how Daddy’s not coming back from the hospital?’
‘Yes. He’s going to die there.’
‘… yes.’
‘But he is going to come back.’
Mommy kept on looking at me, doing that thing she does of really looking at me, like she can see right behind my eyes into my brain or something. ‘No, darling, he isn’t …’
‘Well, how are we going to have the funeral then?’
‘Oh. Well. Yes. His body will come back. Well, not to here exactly, but …’ She stopped speaking and turned to look out of the window.
‘Daddy wants to be cremated, doesn’t he?’ I said. Cremated was a word I got taught by Elaine just before Daddy went into his hospital. Mommy told her to teach me all the death words, cremated, coffi n, undertaker,
