this funny little frown. I don’t know what he did that for, but anyhow it stopped her trying to tell me that Dad isn’t important, which I really resent. He said, “The way I see it, everyone is important in his own way.” To which Mum snapped, “Her!” being a bit of a feminist which actually I am as well. So then old Slime says, “His or her. I stand corrected,” and goes on to say that he personally doesn’t see why a person that sweeps the road, for instance, should be considered any less important than a prime minister, which is just stupid. Anybody could sweep the road. Not anybody could be prime minister. And not anybody could be a computer programmer, either, so sucks to Mum! She certainly couldn’t be.
141 Arethusa Road
London W5
18 October
My dear Carol,
Well, I’ve done it! My secret is out. On the whole she has taken it very well; far better than I’d dared to hope. To begin with I could see she was a bit stunned – as she had every right to be – and a bit put out that I hadn’t told her sooner, but I apologised for that and admitted that I was a coward, and I think she understood.
I was dreading that she would feel resentful and that we’d be in for an attack of the sulks, but the other day she was even suggesting names to me and was starting to sound enthusiastic! I realise now that I was wrong to keep it from her – Roly said all along that I was – but I’m hoping no real harm has been done. I am making sure that we spend some part of every day talking about the baby together, even if it’s just five minutes, so that she will be made to feel a part of it and not left out in the cold.
I’m glad you’ve had a good week (meeting handsome Texans! You just watch it!) because after a bumpy start so have we. Roly went away to Newcastle for just one night and I missed him more than I could have thought possible, but it gave me the opportunity I needed to talk to Cherry and make my confession, and when he came back the next day he’d brought her the most truly beautiful china ornament that he found in an antique shop. I told him that it’s far too valuable to give to a child, especially one as clumsy as Cherry, but he insisted that he had bought it for her and that she must have it. She mumbled her thanks – not quite as ungraciously as usual – and seemed reasonably pleased with it. She has put it away very carefully on a high shelf, but it’s only a matter of time before it gets smashed to smithereens.
I sometimes wonder whether Roly is trying too hard. Might it not be better if he gave her tit for tat and treated her with the same contempt as she treats him? Unfortunately – or fortunately – it’s just not in his nature. He is a very gentle, caring person and I’m afraid that a child like Cherry rides rough-shod over him. I’m hoping that the baby may bring out the softer side of her nature. If she has one!
No, that’s not fair. She has on the whole a very sunny personality, very bright and bubbly, and can be quite warm and loving when she chooses. I remember after Gregg and I first split up she was incredibly supportive. I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter! It’s just that at the moment events are rather conspiring to bring out the worst.
On Saturday she wanted to go to something she calls a sleep-over at a friend’s house and we had a bit of a scene when I wouldn’t let her. Roly says I should have taken the chance, but he hasn’t seen the parents!!! The father works in a gambling den and the mother – well! The mother is something else. Huge peroxide beehive, mascara ten inches thick, mock leopardskin coat. Roly says what does it matter, but I don’t want Cherry being led into bad ways and coming back here using foul language, which she is likely to do. The child swears like a trooper. Anyway, to make up for not letting her go we all went up the road for a pizza and then came back to watch a video. Guess what we saw? SNOW WHITE! Did you ever see it when you were a kid? I adored it – and still do! Cherry was inclined to be rather sniffy at first but afterwards she went out into the hall to telephone one of her friends and I heard her laughing, so she was obviously happy, which is something she hasn’t always been just lately.
She’s desperately looking forward to staying with Gregg for a few days at half-term. I just hope he doesn’t let her down. Originally she was going to go for the whole week, but surprise, surprise! He can’t get the time off. Funny he could spend a whole fortnight in Florida back in July and is going off skiing for another fortnight at Christmas, but can’t spare just one week to be with his own daughter.
I know I mustn’t run her dad down in front of her, but the temptation is sometimes very strong! Happily on this occasion, bless him, Roly stepped in before I could open my big mouth and say something which I might afterwards have regretted. I wouldn’t want to poison Cherry’s mind against her dad. I won’t say she regards him as a god, exactly, but he is certainly far higher in the popularity stakes than my poor Roly. On the other hand, I do believe I have detected a slight softening in her attitude just recently. I am keeping my fingers crossed!
Please report on handsome Texans.
Love from
Monday
He’s still shoving these stupid cards under my door. I really hate the thought of him creeping about doing that while I’m asleep. I just keep chucking them in the waste-paper basket. I’m still on strike and so the basket is practically overflowing and everything is thick dust except for the crinoline lady on her shelf. I am too scared to dust her because she is so fragile and so I blow on her, ever so gently. Maybe if she gets too dirty I can give her a bubble bath and use the hair dryer.
Terrible row with Mum this morning when I arrived downstairs in T-shirt and leggings and my Doc Marten’s. She screamed, “You can’t wear that gear to school! You go back upstairs and change immediately!” I said, “Into what?” I said, “It may have escaped your memory, but we don’t happen to have any school uniform at this school, we can wear whatever we like, and right now everybody is wearing T-shirt and tights and Doc Marten’s.”
Mum said not to take that tone with her. (What tone? What is she talking about?) She said she didn’t care what other people were wearing, she wasn’t having her daughter go to school looking like some kind of big-footed grotesque. I said, “That is very big-footist.” And she snarled, “Never mind the smart mouth! I have spoken and that is flat and final. How can you expect to do any serious learning in that ridiculous get-up?”
Mum is incredibly hidebound. I said, “Well, if it comes to that, how can you expect to have any serious baby, wearing those ridiculous dungarees?” which is what she has taken to wearing now that her secret is out. I said, “I bet the Queen didn’t wear dungarees when she was having babies.” Mum started to get all red and hot, but old Slimey laughed and said, “She’s got you there!” almost as if he were on my side against Mum. She still wouldn’t budge.
I met the Skinbag at the school gates and asked her what the sleep-over was like. She said it was brilliant and that Harry meeting Sally was even better second time round and why wouldn’t my mum let me go? I told her it was because of Gemma’s brother saying That Word and Mum thinking I might start saying it and the Melon agreed that mothers could be a real drag. She said that right at this moment hers was being even more of a drag than usual which I found hard to believe as the Melon’s mum is really nice. She would for instance never make promises and then break them. Like if she said the Melon could have a dog, then she’d let her have a dog. I mean she’s already
