Topics About Which I Know Nothing. Patrick Ness

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as ‘excellent.’ This cannot possibly be the case. My mother is 61 and my father 62. In addition, my father has high blood pressure, and my mother has migraine headaches. It was only after extensive consultation with their physicians that I went ahead with the gift of the trip, a trip that was originally planned at two weeks and which my parents themselves suspiciously extended to six. And for that matter, why bring the subject of their health up at all?

      (2) I do not care how much anyone wants to sell a house, it seems highly unlikely that the entire transaction can be secured between two parties at entirely different points on the globe in a few weeks’ time. As they did not provide the name of the ‘friend,’ I have been unable to find out any further on the matter as of today, although I did talk to Mrs Olive Ray, a close friend of my mother’s. Mrs Ray had not heard of any such deal or of any plan of my parents’ to stay in Australia. This leads to reason number three.

      (3) My mother would not have kept such a thing from Mrs Ray. She, Mrs Ray, seemed to think that the matter was not cause for much concern, that my parents had been struck by a fancy which would pass or that perhaps they were merely playing some sort of prank, the source of the prank being their ongoing enjoyment at my expense for becoming a naturalized U.S. citizen after marriage to my wife. My mother even refers to this in her letter, but in such a way as to prompt reason number four.

      (4) My mother says ‘Tut tut, one last time.’ What exactly can ‘one last time’ mean? This is ominous evidence indeed.

      I have included my parents’ itinerary, although they did veer from it since they extended their trip. I have also included a blown-up and darkened copy of the envelope in which the letter was sent in hopes that the postmark might be of some help.

      Fax me back as soon as possible with some kind of response. My parents are elderly, and I am greatly concerned that harm has fallen them. In the meantime, I am going to do some work of my own to get to the bottom of this. I am more than prepared to fly to Australia if that is what is required.

      As a naturalized citizen, I trust I can expect the same assistance from your Embassy as any native-born American. I’ll hear from you soon.

      [signed]

       Dr Wayne Bronwyn.

       From Derek Bell to Dr Wayne Bronwyn. Via facsimile.

      Dr Bronwyn:

      The Embassy is in receipt of your fax dated 6 October. The fax follows our lengthy phone conversation of the same date. We are still looking into just exactly why you were mysteriously cut off, Dr Bronwyn, and also why you were not able to re-connect to my office. At any rate, on to your fax.

      As I attempted to explain to you over the phone before we were cut off, I am not sure what you would like us to do in this matter. You said in our conversation that your parents were of sound mind when they left on the trip, and though it seems plausible that one older person might possibly lose their bearings on an overseas trip, it seems unlikely that both would, especially considering that you yourself felt strongly enough to send them on a trip by themselves halfway around the world. Also, while 61 and 62 are somewhat up there in years, I don’t know many people who would call that elderly. The Ambassador is 66 herself, and hale as ever. If your parents were in their late eighties, for example, I would be more inclined to lean towards some sort of mysterious circumstances or scam, again going on the inference that you believed enough in their mental states and personal health to send them on the trip in the first place.

      In addition, I have never heard of any scam coming out of Australia’s center dealing with the mysterious actions of older tourists. It’s a big, red desert with a few oases, and the tourist trade there is too valuable to have missed any such scam happening on any scale. For that matter, I suddenly find myself unclear on exactly what sort of scam you might be talking about.

      It is my personal tendency to read the letter from your parents at face value. Take it from a career diplomat who has been here for 18 years: this is an amazing place. Perhaps what happened is just what your parents say happened. They were rekindled by a change of landscape. It’s not unknown. Some retirees move to Florida, looking for Ponce de Leon’s Fountain of Youth, no doubt. Your parents have just chosen a different hot climate that’s farther away.

      This, however, is all moot speculation, because, as you somehow failed to mention in our nearly forty-minute conversation, your parents are citizens of Canada. Although I can understand that you were quite excited and might have easily forgotten such a detail, the fact is, our office has no jurisdiction over them whatsoever. I suggest if you wish to pursue the matter that you contact the Canadian Embassy. I have included their phone and fax numbers.

      Might I also suggest that if you do in fact call our good friends to the north, you might receive closer care to your problem if you choose, shall we say, somewhat less frank language than you engaged in during our phone conversation. Your fax strikes quite a nice tone (perhaps Mrs Bronwyn helped?), and this is probably the best route with our Canadian friends. Remember, they’re like Americans, only more British.

      Yours,

       [signed] Derek Bell

       From Elizabeth Bronwyn, to Dr Wayne Bronwyn. Handwritten. Mailed from unknown address, presumed to be central or southeastern Australia.

      Son,

      I’m sorry for the delay. We had intended to write you immediately with our new address, but so much has gone on in the past few weeks that there’s been barely a moment to put pen to paper. A new friend of ours has set up a post office box for us (address enclosed) in Binturang Springs, which is where we’ve been staying for the past several days. We needed to establish a permanent address for immigration purposes. We hope to have a resident visa sometime soon. As it is, we’ve decided to spend the remaining time on our tourist visa traveling around this beautiful country.

      I was planning on telling you all this in our phone conversation yesterday, but you were so upset, it was difficult to get any words out. Then we were somehow cut off. Must be these international phone lines.

      I do understand that you’re upset, son. I can certainly understand the shock at your parents suddenly pulling up stakes and moving 11,000 miles but, once again, what can I say? We’ve found a new outlook, a new life. As vague as that is, it’s the best way I can put it. Not all older people, not most, want simply to wind their days down in a sameness that lasts until you stop breathing. Why die before you die? Your father and I have done something daring for probably the first time since we got married. Out of character? Sure. But isn’t acting out of character part of character, too? I hope we can talk again soon, and I can try to convince you one more time that sometimes these things just happen.

      One more thing, I hardly think that moving away when you’re 39 years old constitutes ‘abandonment.’ You have Jane and the kids. We only ever visited once or twice a year; hardly lifeblood to either of us, if we’re honest. I’ll chalk up most of your remarks to shock at our decision. Hopefully soon you’ll come to understand.

      As I’ve said, we’re very, very busy, so I’ll end here. I think it’s clear, given the phone trouble, that letters are a better means of communication for us. All of our mail will be forwarded from the P.O. Box, so feel free to write at any time. We’ll get the letter and respond from whatever port of call we’ve set our feet onto.

      Love to everyone,

       [signed] Mom & Dad

       From Dr Wayne Bronwyn to Philip Wilder, KBE, Ambassador, Commonwealth of Canada, Canberra, Australia. Via Facsimile.

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