into the living room and spotting the snoring Dan. “I’m sure you guys could get this sorted out if you still wanted to. You don’t have to split up over something so stupid, you know.”
For one wonderful moment I think he may be right, until I recall that Dan doesn’t fancy me any more, and that he seemed pretty definite about moving in with that colleague of his.
“I don’t think I’ve got any choice, Joel,” I say. “Your dad seems determined it’s going to happen, and anyway, who knows? Maybe he’s right, and we’ll both be happier once we’re single.”
“You won’t be happier if everyone starts treating you like that bloody pair of idiots up the road just did, once you are,” says Joel. “I can’t believe they uninvited you from that dinner party just because you’d have been going on your own. Talking of which, that reminds me. Come outside.”
It’s pitch dark and freezing cold by now, so I try to refuse, but Joel insists.
“Put your coat on,” he says, “if you’re as cold as that. It won’t take a minute and it’ll be worth it, I promise. It might even make you laugh.”
I seriously doubt that, though I change my mind when Joel walks me along the road to the place where Claire has parked her car.
“Ta-da!” he says, gesturing at the windscreen, or more specifically, at the windscreen wipers. Each now carries a succinct message – from a sock.
* * *
I still think that Joel’s anonymous message to Theo and Claire was so funny that I tell Dan about it when I get up this morning and find him in the kitchen, drinking coffee, but he doesn’t laugh at all. He just gives me a wan, half-hearted smile, and then makes polite conversation about nothing until the time comes for me to leave.
“Shouldn’t you have left already, if you’re not going to be late for work?” I say to him as I pull on my boots, then start to button up my coat.
He shrugs, then says, “I’ve got a few things to do before I go.”
He looks at me with a really weird expression – and for what feels like a very long time – and it’s as if he’s trying to convey something desperately important, though he doesn’t say a word. I’m going to be late myself, if I don’t leave now, but I’m not comfortable going while he’s looking at me like this.
“What is it, Dan?” I say.
There’s a long pause, but whatever it is, it can’t be that important, because then he just shakes his head and says: “Nothing, Hannah. You’d better go.”
I do, in case the Fembot sacks me for poor timekeeping like the woman Esther was brought in to replace, but tonight, I’m not going to bed until I’ve had it out with Dan, once and for all. This whole thing’s ridiculous, and it can’t go on.
* * *
I can’t settle all day at work, even though Esther tries her best to cheer me up. As this mainly takes the form of telling me how unlucky in love she’s always been, it doesn’t actually serve its purpose, and nor do the cupcakes the Fembot brings in “as a treat” – not once she announces what she intends to do with them.
“We’re all going to take it in turns to bake cupcakes every evening from now on,” she says. “Then we’re going to photograph everyone holding their own cakes and upload the pictures to our social media streams. It’ll help our users get to know us, and to feel they’re a part of the team here at HOO.”
“Well, that’s our credibility shot,” I say to Esther, later on. “Now the whole world will find out that we’re part of the team at HOO – and they’ll know what we look like, too. I’ll never get a proper job as an artist, if prospective employers find out I’m responsible for that stupid ‘thumbs-up, happy face’ thing.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” says Esther, with a rare flash of humour. “I should think the Fembot will find an excuse not to use our photos. You’re too old and I’m too fat.”
Esther can’t be more than a size 12, so I do wish she wouldn’t keep going on about her weight, but when I tell her so, she just says that, even if fat isn’t an issue, her acne is. She’s only got one or two spots, as far as I can see, but she’s right about one thing, anyway: the Fembot isn’t going to use our photos.
At the end of the day, she calls us both into her office, and says, “I know you guys are busy, and you have a lot more personal responsibilities than the younger ones, so don’t feel you have to join in with the cake-baking thing. You can contribute in some other way.”
Honestly, I wouldn’t mind but, although I’ve got Joel and Pearl to think about, Esther’s only got a rabbit, and just wait ’til I tell Dan about it! There’s no way he can keep claiming his job’s worse than mine – not after this.
Oh, I forgot, he probably won’t be claiming anything, will he? Not if he’s still being as uncommunicative as he was this morning when I get back home. I shall just have to keep talking to him, until he starts talking back. Meaningful looks never solved anything.
* * *
Oh, my God, Dan’s moved out. He snuck out today while I was at work, the bloody, bloody coward. This whole separation thing was his idea and then he hasn’t even got the nerve to face me when he’s bringing our life together to a sudden end. No wonder he was giving me funny looks this morning: he must have been riddled with guilt and, if he wasn’t, he damn well should have been.
“Thought it might be easier on both of us this way, Han,” says the note he’s left on the kitchen counter. “I’ll be in touch about collecting the rest of my stuff, and money for outstanding bills, etc. Look after yourself.”
He’s underlined the last sentence and scribbled over something that followed it. I try scratching the ink off with my fingernails, and then with the edge of a paring knife, but I still can’t tell if Dan added kisses or something, by mistake. My eyes have gone blurry all of a sudden, which is also why I don’t immediately realise that he’s left his keys on the counter, too.
When I do eventually spot his keyring, the one containing a photo of us on our honeymoon, my eyes get a whole lot blurrier and my chest gets tight, and I think I may be about to have a stroke. I call Joel’s name, but there’s no reply, not even when I shout it at the top of my voice, so he must be out and I’m all alone, which makes things even worse.
I spend ten minutes breathing into a paper bag until I don’t feel quite so dizzy, and then I crawl up the stairs and spend the next three hours curled up on the floor of our – I mean, my – bedroom, sobbing and hiccuping into one of Dan’s old shirts. I found it at the back of his wardrobe, and it still smells of him.
I don’t even know why I’m crying, for goodness’ sake. If Dan doesn’t want me any more, I’m buggered if I’m going to want him either. I’m just being stupid and pathetic with all this crying, and I need to get a grip before Joel comes in and sees me in such a state.
I know, I’ll go and plant the viola from the garden at “Abandon Hope”, and see if it survives its change of circumstances.
If it can do it, then so can I.
* * *
Joel’s
