I know is, my life’s no longer the life it was. This whole pathway I had mapped out in my head has just dismantled itself.’ she said, sobbing again. She downed another glass of red wine like it was water. You know?
‘I know. But you’ll be OK. You just need to do some recalculating of which path to take – you know, like the SatNav says?’
Holly grabbed her pink sleeping-bag slippers and slid them onto Bella’s feet. ‘There. These should help in the meantime.’
Bella was quiet for a moment. ‘Oh, my, god. What are they? They’re incredible! They’re SO comfortable! They’re like magical duvet cherubs!’ Bella laughed, her eyes lighting up for the first time that night. ‘My feet have literally never been happier!’
‘I know, right!’ Holly said, relieved something was helping at last. ‘They’re the equivalent of having a gigantic mug of tea at the same time as a massive hug from your mum!’
Bella’s eyes glazed over as Holly remembered that Bella hadn’t seen her mum in about a decade, on account of the fact that their parents had left some years ago to go and live in a transcendental meditation retreat in New Zealand.
‘Sorry. SHIT choice of words,’ Holly said, quickly giving Bella a hug.
‘That’s OK,’ Bella said with forced stoicism. ‘I’ll try to remember what a hug from my mum would feel like. Seriously though, you’re never getting these babies back.’
‘OK. Word of advice though – DO NOT try to walk in them. No good can come from walking in them.’
Bella looked completely unfazed by this; clearly it had not been her intention to move from the sofa ever again. She glugged more wine.
‘So, do you want to tell me what happened?
Bella took a deep breath. ‘I’m so humiliated.’ Her eyes welled up. ‘I’ve started having flashbacks of the lowest low point.’
‘What was the lowest low point?’ Holly asked.
‘Well, the trouble was, the location of our break-up really wasn’t ideal. Although we’d started “the break-up chat” at his house, we both had this hideous Guildhell event in town that we had to get to. Which meant that we had to sort of, carry it on, en route? You know, while commuting together into town, on a cramped Tube carriage like normal, except that I’m bursting into tears every other second, wanting to kiss him one minute, and punch his lights out the next!’
‘No…’ Holly gasped.
‘Yes! And then to make it worse, there was one of those nice homeless guys on our carriage, giving it the whole “let me tell you a joke or sing you a song, in exchange for money or a cup of tea”, and I was like, jeez, now really isn’t the time! But then, once we’d made it to Covent Garden, I reached whole new levels of humiliation. I…’ Bella broke off, her eyes filling with tears.
‘What?’ Holly asked.
‘I begged him,’ she grunted inaudibly. Clearly the shame was such that Bella couldn’t bring herself to fully formulate the words.
‘What?’
Bella sighed. ‘I BEGGED him, Holly! In the STREET. I clung to him. With my ACTUAL arms. There I was, grasping his legs like a slobbering bloodhound.’ Her eyes clouded over at the memory. ‘I’m just always going to have this godforsaken image of me ON ALL FOURS. I can never go back there! The whole of Covent Garden is now a walk of pain to me!’ she sobbed ‘But then, soon it was clear he’d already started floating away from me, like a helium balloon drifting upwards and I was this devastated child grasping at the string. Yeah, I’ve lost him all right.’
‘God, that’s so sad,’ Holly said, pouring her another glass of wine. ‘But I don’t understand, where did this all come from? Did he give a reason?’
‘He said, “I think I need to be by myself at the moment. My course is just getting so demanding that I don’t think I can manage both my career and you,”’ she said, as though the words were still rotating round her brain on a loop. ‘Then he started banging on about “needing his focus” and how he “has to put his passion first” – and I was like, but I thought I was your passion and he said that yes I am but he loves me too much to be fully committed to his “ART”??’
‘What a cock.’
‘I know. Like my own course isn’t demanding?!’ she cried, then burst into tears some more. Holly folded her up in her arms and stroked her hair as she sobbed.
‘Arsehole,’ Bella sobbed.
‘Yes,’ Holly agreed. ‘Although, maybe this is just something he needs to do? Something he needs to get out of his system? Chances are, he’ll want you back, as soon as he realises he can’t function without you, and you’re his muse after all.’
‘That’s what I keep hoping. It’s like that saying, “if you love something, set it free”,’ Bella said, as a tear slid down her face and splashed into her wine. She picked up the glass and downed it regardless.
‘“And if it comes back, it’s yours forever!”’ Holly finished.
‘Although helium balloons don’t come back, do they?’ Bella said, her shoulders slumping.
Holly thought for a minute, then shook her head. She topped up Bella’s drink. ‘So, if it’s not too soon to say this, I’d like to impose a rule?’
‘A rule? Really? OK, hit me with it.’
Holly grinned. ‘No more self-involved actors for Bella! Seriously, your last three boyfriends have been thesps, and they have all caused you untold pain. I think you need to find someone a little more reliable, with a sturdy job.’
‘That’s a good rule. From now on, I’m going to activate my actor-radar, so I can always see them coming!’
‘Wait. You mean your RADAr…?’ Holly said, pronouncing it Raardar, and Bella snorted.
‘Yes! My RADAr!!!!’
After giggling raucously for a good minute, Holly took a tissue and began to mop up Bella’s face, feeling a bit like a grandma with a slobbery handkerchief.
Bella craned her neck to the mirror on the wall. ‘Oh god, look at the state of me! Ugh. Never mind the mascara streaks, why am I still getting so many bloody spots? I am twenty-seven. Give me wrinkles, not pimples, surely!?’
‘You’re gorgeous, don’t be silly,’ Holly said.
‘I’m serious though. I mean, look at this one, it’s like one of those conjoined twins. There’s another one brewing right next to it! Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this Vegan Pledge – maybe it’s a sign I’m suffering with malnutrition…’
‘But you’ve only been doing it for five days? Your skin is fine,’ Holly said, hoping she sounded convincing.
‘I think I’ll start painting eyeliner on top of them. I had a friend who did that once, to make them look like beauty spots.’
‘That’s always an option,’ Holly offered.
‘What
