Teaching Your Tot
How to find the perfect school
Section G: A CASE FOR INVOLVED FATHERHOOD
25. Fatherhood across Generations
If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
Fathers Interviewed for the Book
As I dwell upon what has been the most beautiful phase of my life, I feel blessed to have enjoyed the unflinching support of several kind-hearted souls who shared my joys and sorrows through this journey. Some of these relationships were inherited; others formed, often unsuspectingly, at different stages of life. The inherited relationships constitute what we call family, while the acquired ones include my circle of friends.
They say birth, death and marriages are made in heaven. What that implies is that we were destined to be born to a certain set of parents, marry a certain man or woman, and have a certain being as our son or daughter. While we choose our friends, the people with whom we’re closest to were perhaps always meant to be a part of our lives. An invisible, divine force plays a crucial role in determining these relationships.
The Hindu religion accords great reverence to our lineage. An important ritual in most of our pujas is to pay homage to our forefathers. The last five ancestral fathers in a family are invoked by the priest through chants and prayers and their blessings sought. I have always felt a strange kinship with those names, most of whom I have never seen or met. I don’t know what they looked like; how different their lives were from the ones we lead today and yet, I know that I am in this world because of them. I owe my existence to the vast lineage to which my forefathers and I belong. So while documenting my journey forward, I feel a strong urge to thank them for taking their generations ahead. They form the foundation of my being, my values and my beliefs.
In addition to the reverence that I have always had for my father, about whom I talk later in detail, I also greatly admire four other father figures who are worthy of emulation. Each of them belong to a different world—mythology, literature, sports and films. Their lives are a true celebration of fatherhood.
These are the stories of Nandaraj and his foster son Krishna, spiritual partners Debendranath and Rabindranath Tagore, novelist Ramesh Tendulkar and cricketing genius Sachin Tendulkar, and Aamir Khan and his surrogate son Azad Rao Khan.
Nandaraj & Krishna
According to Bhagavata Purana, Krishna was born not out of a sexual union, but by a divine ‘transmission’ from the mind of Vasudeva to the womb of Devaki. He was born in a prison during a period of political turbulence in Mathura. King Kansa, Devaki’s brother-had ascended the throne by imprisoning his father King Ugrasena. Afraid of a prophecy that predicted his death at the hands of Devaki’s eighth ‘garbha’, Kansa locked the couple in a prison cell and killed their first six children.
Krishna narrowly escaped death when he was secretly handed over by Vasudeva to his foster parents, Yashoda and Nandaraj, immediately after his birth. Nanda was the head of a community of cow-herders who belonged to Vrindavana. What fascinates me is the sheer selflessness with which Nanda offered to adopt Krishna and in the process risked his own new-born daughter Yogamaya’s life by handing her over to Vasudeva. He accepted Krishna and raised him with all the love his own father could not provide.
Scriptures do not delve deep into the motivation behind Nanda’s grand gesture. But what I learnt from the story is that fatherhood is a state of mind. It means protecting a young life from imminent perils and nurturing it to realise its true worth.
Debendranath Tagore & Rabindranath Tagore
The seeds of Rabindranath Tagore’s spiritual journey were sown way before he was born. Much of his philosophical bent, which is celebrated worldwide through his poems and prose, came to him as inheritance from his father Debendranath Tagore. Debendranath belonged to an affluent family, but he believed that meditation, prayers and travel accelerated brain development better than knowledge from books. He belonged to the intelligentsia of his days which took great pride in its philosophical leanings. Santiniketan was in fact Debendranath’s discovery and not Rabindranath Tagore’s, as some might believe. Rabindranath further developed his father’s discovery and got it its due recognition.
As I flip through the pages of Tagore’s autobiography Jiban Smriti, it tells me that if the father connects with his son at a spiritual level, he often creates a legacy which is far greater than material inheritances.
Ramesh Tendulkar & Sachin Tendulkar
Ramesh Tendulkar, a respected Marathi novelist, was professionally poles apart from his sportsman son Sachin Tendulkar. However, both the Tendulkars shared a common goal of excellence and hard-earned self-respect. In his book, The Tendulkar Opus, Sachin says, “My father understood exactly how to get the best out of me. He always encouraged me and told my mother that he had full faith in me. It was probably reverse psychology, but as I got older I felt like I could not misuse that trust. He warned me against taking short cuts and told me to just keep playing, despite the ups and downs. My parents taught me that it is important to live every day of your life with grace and honour. When it came to choosing between cricket and going to university, he said, ‘You can play cricket, I know that is your first love, so go for it’.”
It might not have been easy for an educationist to watch his son put sport over academics, which makes it admirable that he blessed Sachin with his support. Sachin’s achievements are known world over and do not need further mention. From their inspiring story I learnt that a father should be prepared to take risks for his son and back his talent, no matter how unconventional his choices may be.
