it without you adding more. I don’t seem to remember you worrying about your niece when you were sticking the money up your nose.’
Nicky stared at Gina. He was feeling hot and anxious and the steamy cafe on Bateman Street wasn’t helping. He looked around, seeing a throng of workmen having a laugh with the waitress. He saw a well-dressed couple deep in conversation in the far corner and there was Lola leaning against the greasy counter, seemingly oblivious to the dirty plates piling up behind her as she sang along to the tune being played on the radio. All content in their own worlds. Nicky Donaldson would’ve happily exchanged his life with any one of them.
‘I’m not saying it’s all you Gina, but what part of the money did you actually spend on Harley?’
Gina turned her head and sniffed loudly. Nicky grabbed her hand hard, making her yelp and bringing them a quick glance of attention from the builders.
‘Look Nicky, how much does a three year old need?’
‘She’s four.’
‘Yeah well, whatever.’
Nicky narrowed his eyes and wiped his forehead with the crumpled paper napkin.
‘It was her birthday two months ago. You told me you were going to do something for her. Are you now going to tell me you didn’t? You were supposed to get her a cake and a present, remember?’
Gina screwed up her face.
‘Yeah, well I didn’t. What’s the point? She’s a child, not a fucking calendar. She don’t even know what day it is let alone when her birthday is. It’s not like she won’t have another one is it? It was a bleeding waste of time, so I got myself a new Mulberry handbag off the girls in the sauna. The way I saw it, if I was happy then that little mare would be.’
Nicky shook his head. He wanted to be horrified but it just didn’t cut it. He was as much as to blame as Gina, if not more. After all, Harley was his niece, she wasn’t Gina’s blood.
‘Okay, maybe you’re right Gina, but we need to be more careful. At least look like you’re buying Harley something. I picked up Johnny’s money from one of his men this morning. Apparently he was a little short so it’s not as much as usual …’
Nicky trailed off, feeling Gina’s eyes boring into him. He could tell she didn’t believe him and she was absolutely right not to. It was coming to something when he had to rip off the person he was in league with in order to rip someone else off.
He took the cash out of his pocket and discreetly counted it out on the table, feeling the inquisitive eye of Lola Harding looking at him. Gina quickly took the money, wetting her fat finger to separate and count out the notes. She spoke as she mentally counted.
‘Nicky, this is the third time in a row now you’ve pulled me up short. I suggest for your sake this is the last time. I’ve got two rules. Never trust a junkie and never trust a bloke who’d rip off his family. You, darlin’, fall into both them rules. There’s a hundred short here and I want it.’
Nicky rubbed his eyes. This wasn’t who he was but it certainly was what he’d become. He hated dealing with the likes of Gina, hated avoiding his sister, and most of all, hated not being able to give his niece the life she deserved. It was if his own shitty childhood was happening all over again – only this time it was happening to Harley.
When Maggie had got nicked he’d been inconsolable, blaming himself for her predicament. He knew that if he’d only picked up the pills within the hour like he’d said he would, rather than getting wasted on coke, his sister would’ve never been nicked in the first place. Maggie had been warm and understanding as always, but the kinder she was to him the more it’d sent him spiralling.
Nicky could deal with cruelty, with hatred, with pain – but he couldn’t handle compassion. So he’d taken more and more coke, sometimes for days on end without sleeping. Then one day he’d woken up covered in his own blood after being bang on it for three days and he knew then he was in trouble. Not that he hadn’t known it before. He’d been taking the stuff since he was twelve but it was only then he’d realised he wasn’t ever going to get out of it alive.
Harley had been a problem after Thelma had left. Johnny had been desperate for her to be looked after but also desperate to distance himself from the whole situation, and not having Maggie around had thrown him. Then Johnny had asked Nicky if he could help out. Apart from having plenty of time for Johnny after seeing the way he made Maggie happy, he’d immediately seen it as a way of earning a quick buck. He’d spoken to Gina about having Harley and the moment she’d known there was something in it for her, she’d been onboard, sticking to it like a whore on a dick.
His mother had been happy to go along with the idea as well; unable to look after Harley on her own, she was more than happy for someone else to take on the responsibility. Everyone was happy to turn a blind eye to what was going on. Everyone, including himself, was happy to let down Maggie. The one person he knew that deserved so much more. So much more than anyone had ever given her.
At first, Johnny had given him two hundred pounds a week for Harley; more than enough for a little girl, though not enough to feed his habit as well as Gina’s greed. Nicky had pushed for more, until he’d been getting almost six hundred pounds a week from Johnny.
Most weeks he divided the six hundred pounds equally between Gina and himself but sometimes like today, he’d skim a little bit extra. It’d all been working nicely until he started to get into debt and Gina had started to feed nothing much more than beans on toast to his niece, not bothering to buy any clothes or toys for her either.
‘She’s lucky she’s got felt pens, Nicky. When I was a kid I had nothing but me own bleeding shadow to play with and sometimes even that didn’t want to play with me,’ had been Gina’s reply when he’d confronted her for the way she was looking after Harley. He could do nothing else but settle for her answer. Slowly he’d stopped bothering to ask any questions.
Nicky pulled back his head in disgust from the stinking belch Gina let out.
‘Nicky, I want me money otherwise I’ll have to start opening me mouth. And another thing, I hope you don’t think you’ll put me at the bottom of the list with the money you owe. Don’t think I’ll be a soft bleeding touch; I ain’t a cashmere jumper. When Gary gets his money, I want mine – or like I said, I’m talking. And the first person I’m opening me mouth about is Maggie.’
Nicky was so angry with himself. How the fuck had he got himself into this mess? He couldn’t let Gina serve his sister up on a plate – he’d already done enough damage – but how he was going to stop it, he didn’t know.
‘Listen Gina, leave Maggie out of things. She’s only just come out. I’ll sort your money.’
Gina leant over the table and poked Nicky in the chest, feeling how skinny he was when she did so.
‘Well that’s my point: she’s only been out a few days and she’s already causing problems. Coming round to me as if she’s the bleeding Gestapo.’
‘She’s just worried about Harley.’
‘I like our arrangement and I don’t want Maggie spoiling it, but I also want to get what’s properly owed to me. Stop playing the dumb fucking blonde Nick, and then there won’t be a problem.’
‘You’re a nasty bitch, Gina Daniels. You can
