she could eat what she liked with all the physical work and though she’d put a bit of weight on, even Carly had said she looked ‘miles better’ when she’d seen her at Christmas, ‘apart from the ruddy cheeks and farmer’s tan; I’ll send you some of my sunscreen, instead of that cheap rubbish you use’. She went back to her picking. Carly would be horrified if she saw her now: knee-deep in damp flowers with a wet crotch and hair like a scarecrow. She might take a selfie and send it tomorrow. Anything that could bring a smile to her family’s faces was worth doing.
Jess drank in the scent of the blooms she was helping to harvest. She’d been working in one of the lower fields since early morning. The farm had safely got through the week leading up to Valentine’s Day with a healthy stream of orders that, thankfully, had reached customers on time without any major disasters. The days were lengthening and the temperatures slowly but surely creeping up. Spring was here.
She didn’t normally work outside and Valentine’s Day itself ought to be a time for a breather but the flowers kept on growing anyway and the farm had a large wholesale order for a supermarket to fulfil. Most of all, she was hoping that a busy day in the fields would help to blot out the event she’d wished would never come, but was actually happening.
That had been a false hope judging by the way her stomach turned over when she heard the low-pitched drone of the plane engine in the sky above her. That sound meant the end of long-cherished dreams that she’d clung onto against all the odds for months now.
Will was walking towards her down the row between the narcissi. She took a deep breath, filling her senses with the scent, hoping he wasn’t going to offer her sympathy or she might actually cry. It was a forlorn hope because the first thing he said when he reached her was, ‘That’s Adam’s flight.’
She nodded. Adam and Will had remained civil and met up with their rugby and rowing mates, but Jess realised their relationship had cooled too.
‘How do you know?’ she asked him.
‘Patrick told me last night. Adam was in the pub and mentioned it. I’d guessed that Maisie told you too?’
She swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘I think Adam wanted me to know he was leaving today.’
‘You can’t know that for sure …’ She felt Will’s hand briefly on her shoulder, but then he removed it, probably not wanting to draw the attention of the nearby field workers. ‘I’m sorry, Jess.’
She gulped back a sob and dug her nails in her palm. ‘It’s not your fault.’
‘Maybe, but he is – was my friend. I wish I could have made him see what a dick he’s being.’
‘It doesn’t matter now. It’s over.’ She brushed her knuckles over damp cheeks.
Will dug a handkerchief out of his pocket. ‘It’s clean,’ he said as she hesitated.
‘Thanks.’ She took it and hastily wiped her face.
He grinned. ‘Sorry. Almost clean.’
She laughed but another sob bubbled up. ‘Oh, Will. Shit. Why am I bothered about him still? It was over last August, the day he got that text.’
‘I did try to ask him what the fuck was happening but he made it clear it was between you and him.’
‘That’s no help because he wouldn’t even tell me anything.’
She took a few deep breaths. When her mind had dwelt on why Adam had decided to end their relationship over the winter months, she’d tried to think of the good things like her family, her friends and her home. Many times, over the previous autumn and through the long dark nights of winter, she’d reminded herself how lucky she was to live in such a beautiful place.
The engine note changed as the Twin Otter climbed higher after leaving St Mary’s airport. It banked, heading straight for the farm. If she looked up, she might be able to see the passengers in the windows of the tiny aircraft. She imagined Adam’s face and wondered if he was feeling as devastated as her – or was he merely relieved to finally be out of her life for good?
‘I keep trying not to care but knowing he’s up there makes it feel so bloody final. The final nail in the coffin.’
‘I’m sorry. Life is shit sometimes,’ was all Will could offer, but he shaded his eyes and looked up at the plane too.
There was no possibility of a last-minute reprieve. He really was going. Already had gone. As Adam flew over, he’d be able to see the golden fields below and easily pick out the flower farm. He’d easily distinguish Thrift Cottage. Perhaps he would even spot her, standing in the middle of the field staring up at him. Would he be feeling as if his heart had been ripped out too? Would he be longing to turn that plane around and head back to Scilly and tell her that he’d made a huge mistake and ask if they could start again?
The plane was almost directly overhead. She was being silly. It wasn’t likely Adam was looking out for her. If he cared that much, he’d be here on the earth not leaving, because they had been happy once. Everything had been perfect until that bank holiday in August.
Something had changed in the moment he received that text. That message had sent him racing home to Cumbria to deal with a ‘family crisis’ and when he’d returned, he was a different person, as if he’d picked up a burden overnight. It had started a chain of events – all still a mystery to Jess – that had gradually seen Adam loosen his connection with her over the autumn until last October he’d said he needed a break. His reasons had been vague and no amount of questioning by Jess had ever unearthed the real cause, just that ‘he had to have some space.’ She’d been upset, then angry, before finally accepting that she might never know what had happened. Will had tried to ask him what the matter was and met with a firm rebuff, and even Maisie had tried to find out and got the same stony silence.
With Adam living and working in the same tiny community, it had been impossible not to bump into him around the island and in the local pubs. On those occasions, they’d barely spoken, although they’d exchanged plenty of looks. Occasionally, Jess had thought Adam was about to speak to her but other times, he’d seemed eager to be out of her sight as soon as possible. He’d walked out of the Driftwood a couple of times shortly after she’d walked in, once attracting comments from the regulars about leaving his glass half full.
In November, Adam flew home to Cumbria and was gone again for a few days at Christmas, presumably to see his parents. He’d visited them before and they’d stayed with him a few times but Jess couldn’t help wondering why he was going back so frequently, as it was an expensive and time-consuming business. Even though she’d been angry and hurt, she hadn’t stopped loving him, which seemed the cruellest thing of all.
‘He’s still renting the cottage. I know that much,’ said Will, returning his attention from the plane to Jess. ‘Maybe he does plan on coming back.’
‘It’s probably because he can’t get out of the cottage lease. There’s a few months left on it. I know that because he took out a year’s contract on it last spring.’
‘Hmm. If he was too much of a coward to even explain properly why he’s leaving, then
