the world. But now, sitting here in her beautiful house with her gorgeous fiancé on his way home, she could smile at them and say, ‘Hey, Mum, Dad – I miss you but I’m okay.’
A while later, she went to the kitchen to transfer the cheesecake to the fridge and grinned. It looked perfect. She reached for her phone, ready to take a picture to post on Instagram.
The perfect New York cheesecake for my perfect New Yorker.
That should get a few likes. Unfortunately, she didn’t have a tight enough grip on the tin and the whole thing toppled out of her grasp, falling upside down onto the floor. She stared in horror for a second before realizing that her phone was buzzing with a call. Luke. Confused, she flicked the screen to answer. ‘Luke? Where are you?’
‘Hey, gorgeous. Listen, I got bad news. Snow in NYC – they grounded all the flights.’
‘Oh.’
‘Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. We should get moving tomorrow but I’ve no idea what time. I’ll keep you posted.’
Heather felt her cheeks burn with frustration. ‘It’s just disappointing, you know? I’ve missed you.’
‘I’ve missed you too but it’s only one more day, okay? I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I love you, Heather Brown.’
‘I love you too.’
‘Okay, I gotta go. See you tomorrow, beautiful.’
Heather stared at the blank screen and then down at the cheesecake-covered floor. She felt a prick of tears followed by a stab of irritation.
Get a grip, Heather Brown. Everything’s fine. There’s nothing to cry about. It’s not his fault. You’re just feeling emotional because it’s Mother’s Day. There’s no use crying over spilt cheesecake. Everything is completely fine.
Fran
Fran was unloading the dishwasher when she found out that her husband had died. In fact, she was just cursing him for not rinsing the plates before stacking them so that they’d come out dirty again. Since that day, she often mused about the strangeness of the things she missed but lasagne-encrusted bowls, the carelessly dropped boxers in the corner of the bedroom, and his wallet on the side in the kitchen seemed to be right up there. They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. They don’t know the half of it.
It was Andy’s best friend Sam who called her. They’d been having lunch together when it happened. One minute he was pincering a piece of tuna sashimi with his chopsticks, talking about their Easter holiday plans, and the next he was gone.
A sudden arrhythmic death or, rather ironically Fran always thought, ‘SAD’ for short.
Aged forty-one.
Really?
Really? Fran would scream at everything from the sky to the untidy shoe rack in the hall. This is really happening, is it? This is really fucking happening.
‘Anger is normal and natural,’ the counsellor told her. ‘A completely understandable part of the grief process.’
Of course, that just made her angrier. An anger as unquenchable as a raging thirst. That was her life during the weeks and months following Andy’s death. One towering rage after another. She hated it but most of all she hated herself. She could see the worry, fear and embarrassment in her children’s eyes as she lost it with everything from the broken washing machine to the UKIP candidate on Croydon High Street (although he had it coming). That was why she’d signed up for the counselling.
But it didn’t help. Not really. She didn’t want to be the tragic widow, going through the grieving process, having her feelings validated and coaxed. She didn’t want to be a widow, grieving or otherwise. Like Brexit or Donald Trump, widowhood was something she was not prepared to accept.
Fran spotted her mother parking her small white car in a huge space in front of their house, revving backwards and forwards in a futile attempt to get closer to the kerb as her father winced from the passenger seat. She was a terrible driver with an unwarranted fear of leaving her car outside Fran’s house ever since Bernie from three doors down had his stolen last year.
‘It was a BMW, Mum. The police said they were stealing to order. I doubt Fiat Puntos are on their wish list.’
‘I’ll have you know that my car is extremely nippy,’ Angela retorted.
Fran did a quick scan of the living room to check that it was up to her mother’s legendary standards of cleanliness. Widow or no widow, she would be the first to criticize a stray cobweb or a grubby skirting board.
In many ways Angela had been the perfect support for Fran. Her father was lovely but he would look at her with a sorrow that Fran couldn’t bear. She knew exactly what he was thinking.
My poor little girl – I’m supposed to protect her from all this but I can’t and I feel helpless.
Fran didn’t do helpless; it was an emotion she couldn’t afford.
‘What can I do, Fran?’ he’d pleaded.
Nothing, she wanted to shout. There is absolutely nothing you can do so stop asking. But this was her dad – her dear, kind dad, who just wanted to make everything all right.
‘Oh for heaven’s sake, Bill, stop fussing and go and play with Charlie,’ Fran’s mother had barked.
Bill looked wounded but nodded. ‘Of course,’ he said, shambling off to the living room in search of his granddaughter.
‘Harsh, Mum,’ remarked Fran.
Angela shrugged. ‘Don’t pretend you weren’t thinking the same thing.’
And that was the main reason why Fran had turned to her mother for support after Andy’s death. Angela Cooper took on grief like an unpleasant stain that needed attention. She refused to indulge her daughter’s predicament. She was never unkind – she just didn’t give Fran an opportunity to wallow.
‘You’re too young to be a widow,’ she’d remarked almost accusingly within hours of Andy’s death, as if Fran had made a disastrous life decision instead of being the walk-on part in a terrible tragedy. The flash of anger Fran had felt at this stupidly obvious comment had actually helped to distract her and probably stopped her from collapsing with sadness.
Now, satisfied that the living room was relatively dust-free, Fran went to the front door to greet her parents. ‘Kids! Granny and Grandpa are here,’ she called.
‘Happy Mother’s and Grandmother’s Day!’ cried Charlie, skipping down the stairs.
‘Thank you, dear,’ said Angela. She kissed Fran on the cheek as she stepped into the hall. ‘Oh my, look at that gigantic cobweb on your hall light. Don’t you ever dust?’
Fran gave a wry smile.
