had been violated by a rugby team.
‘Well, I’m going on!’
Back in our room, preparing to leave, I found Charlie awkwardly rubbing his undercarriage with a proprietary soothing cream, and we were soon both back in our unflattering Power Ranger costumes. We said our goodbyes, and arranged to meet for lunch. I headed south towards the Loire valley and the cathedral of Chartres. Charlie pedalled west in search of the nearest car rental office.
For the next week I spent each day cycling a hundred or so miles through the French countryside. Charlie spent his days driving the same distance, meeting me in the evenings and at pre-organised lunch stops.
‘Right. This little town here has a nice-looking brasserie and a stunning medieval monastery,’ Charlie would announce with all the authority of a general directing his troops, circling the relevant area of his map, laid out on the bonnet of his car, with a well-informed finger.
‘Medieval monastery! You’ve never even been to church. Are you feeling all right?’
‘It’s culture. And if you can make another sixty kilometres after lunch, this little town has a very comfortable-looking hotel with a great set menu and two knives and forks in the Michelin guide.’
‘Two knives and forks! I better get a move on.’
‘Good. I’ll see you for lunch in two hours.’
I had my orders, and I was on my own again and at my happiest. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the company, but out there on the back roads of France life was so peaceful, so calm and so far away from the fast world of advertising I had briefly left behind in London. Moving silently, apart from the spinning of my wheels and creaking of my saddle, I passed through vineyards and fields, small villages and quiet towns. My nostrils filled with the scent of newly fallen rain or the yeasty aromas from a local boulangerie, and I peered over fences into tidy vegetable patches and spied through windows at old ladies preparing their lunch behind heavy machine-laced curtains. Chartres, Bourges, Sancerre, Le Puy. Following the slow-moving waters of the Loire, I gradually made my way south and it became clear I was falling in love with a country that had previously only existed as a blur through the window of a cramped car on family holidays.
Showing the utmost respect for France’s sacred midday hour, when clanking metal shutters are pulled down over shop fronts, roundabouts become congested with hungry and impatient Frenchmen and the whole of France comes to a grinding halt for lunch, I did the same. Pulling into lively restaurants packed with feasting Frenchmen and bustling with the happy sounds of conversation and the clink of cutlery on china, I enjoyed plat du jour after plat du jour and formule after formule. Plates of hefty steak frites; fresh and gooey goat’s cheese salads; golden, oozing croque-mesdame; flavoursome slabs of hearty pâte, all washed down with glasses of cool, crisp rosé. Crêpes suzette, doused in Cointreau, and a small cup of espresso would jump-start my afternoon’s ride, and after working off my calorie-packed lunch I would cover enough miles to ensure that I arrived famished at my evening’s destination, primed to demolish the five-course extravaganza that awaited me.
Peeling off my Lycra, enjoying a necessary shower and putting on some less disturbingly noisome clothes, I would wander with Charlie into town for dinner. Chilled crayfish and cucumber soup; crispy frog’s legs; snails drowned in garlic butter; oak-smoked duck breast salad; rabbit in a mustard and white wine sauce; marbled tête de veau; garlic-infused pommes dauphinoise; lavender-scented crème brûlée, and cheese. Endless amounts of smoky, unctuous cheese that smelt of the farmyards of France.
Food had never tasted so good, and as my pedal-powered gastronomic holiday came to an end I realised I had cycled head-first into one of France’s greatest secrets. Cycling and food are one of the great French double acts.
Like seared foie gras and a good Sauternes; chateaubriand and Château Lafite; Napoleon and Josephine; Asterix and Obelix, and Sarko and Carla, food and cycling are the perfect partners. Because on a bicycle food is your fuel, your four-star, your essence, and if you don’t fill up, you aren’t going anywhere.
It is no coincidence that the most prestigious cycling race on earth, the Tour de France, originated in the land of gastronomy. In the early years of this great race, brave competitors’ minds, and indeed other parts of their anatomy, were never far from food. Before the days of multi-million-Euro sponsorship and luxury padded Lycra, hard-up riders would protect their assets by placing a tender cut of beef inside their shorts and between their legs. By the end of the day these choice cuts of meat had been tenderised and marinated and would be cooked and enjoyed, providing those hungry cyclists with the ultimate comfort food.
I know there are deluded pedallers out there who, for reasons unknown to me, are happy to survive on factory-made energy bars when out on the road. But unless you are trailing Lance Armstrong over the Alps, it beats me why anyone would want to put themselves through the jaw-aching misery of eating a synthetically flavoured hunk of Plasticine.
There is so much more to this magical marriage of gears and gastronomy than simply refuelling and it’s not just your taste buds that are exposed to flavours. From the seat of a bicycle you pedal with every one of your five senses. You feel the sun that ripens the wheat that will make your bread. You hear the shrill morning call of the cockerel that will end up steeped in red wine as your coq au vin. You whiz past hypnotic lines of grape-laden vines that provide a relaxing glass of wine at the end of the day, and you can’t escape the pungent whiff of contented cows, sheltering at midday under a tree, who will give you a stinking Epoisses as runny and pungent as a ripe cowpat. On a bicycle you work for your food, you get fit and you build an appetite, and you are totally exposed to the terrain, climate and culture that results in what you are eating. Shielded behind the window of a car or a high-speed train or with your head squashed inside a motorcycle helmet, you miss out on these vital sensual experiences that quite simply make food taste better.
A career in advertising, a girlfriend, a car, a stack of bills, a mobile phone, weekend weddings, savings and foolish ideas about getting on the property ladder. There were more than enough reasons not to go, but I couldn’t help giving it more thought. After my happy holiday in France I would come home from a hard day’s work and stare at the large map of the world Blu-tacked to my bedroom wall. I wanted more. I was a food lover with a newfound passion for cycling, and all I wanted to do now was cycle and eat my way around the world.
Africa looked a bit hot for a bike ride and Russia a bit too cold; Europe was too expensive, Australia was too far away and, never a competent linguist, I was scared by the languages of Asia. I was left contemplating the Americas. Two great continents that would allow me to pedal from the United States and Canada all the way to Brazil and Argentina.
I did a little research into cycle touring, and soon found that the popular choice was the route along the Pacific coast from the wilds of Alaska to Terra del Fuego at the tip of Argentina. But call me a bluff old hedonist, if I was going to cycle the best part of 15,000 miles by myself, the last thing I wanted to do was start and finish my trip in two of the coldest and most desolate places on earth. I’m sure the thought of cycling from the northernmost point to the southernmost point of the Americas leaves many adventurers salivating with excitement, but, for me, being surrounded by rocks, penguins and little else, while surviving on porridge and Kendal mint cake, was not what I had in mind as the climax to my continent-crossing labour of love. I wanted to start in the culinary Mecca of America, in a city that didn’t sleep, and I wanted to finish in the sunshine, surrounded by bronzed bottoms and bikinis, sipping caipirinhas on Ipanema beach. It was set. I would ride my bicycle from New York City to Rio de Janeiro in search of the perfect meal. Now all I needed was a bicycle. ‘Good bike for long cycle tour.’ Click!
God only knows how people prepared for a trip like this,
