on the swings, all alone in the play park.
‘You took your time,’ said Sadie as Hannah, with forced nonchalance, ambled over to where Sadie was sitting. Sadie was chewing gum. ‘We didn’t think you were going to show up. Me and the lads were just thinking about going down the river, maybe having a swim or something.’
‘I’d got stuff to do,’ said Hannah.
‘Right, yeah. For the party,’ said Sadie, more statement than question.
‘Yeah, for the party.’
‘So, did you bring any booze with you then?’ Sadie asked as Hannah sat down alongside her. Sadie had her heels buried in the bark chippings, her legs braced and arms at full stretch so it looked as if at any second she might launch herself into space. There was no sign of either Simon or Tucker.
‘No,’ said Hannah, starting to swing backwards and forwards. ‘No one said anything about bringing any booze.’
‘Oh come on, you could have brought something,’ Sadie said. ‘Least you could do, seeing as we weren’t invited to your stupid party.’
‘I told you, it’s not my party,’ replied Hannah. ‘If it had been mine you could have come. It’s more like a family do, you know.’
‘Right and so, what? You couldn’t invite any of your friends? Nice family you’ve got,’ said Sadie, lighting up a cigarette and taking a long pull on it. ‘Or is it just your nice friends who can come?’
Hannah didn’t know what to say, because the truth was that her mum had said she could invite anyone she liked, although Hannah knew that what her mum really meant was anyone she liked, and Suzie definitely didn’t like Sadie. So Hannah hadn’t even bothered to ask if she could come. Her mum didn’t think Sadie was a good influence, and Hannah knew without a shadow of a doubt that Suzie was right.
‘Yeah well, you know what my mum’s like,’ she said. ‘Like really straight, anything out of left field like you lot showing up and she’d go mental.’
Sadie sniggered. Hannah joined her.
Sadie was different and funny and her mum let her stay out as late as she liked and treated her like an adult, and she didn’t check up on her all the time. Sadie’s mum treated Sadie like she was a proper person with her own opinions and everything. Sadie came and went as she liked, wore what she liked, ate what she liked – and her mother trusted her, at least that’s what Sadie said. ‘She doesn’t treat me like I’m a baby – it’s always been like that. I live my life, she lives hers. It’s the way things should be.’
They had been listening to music up in Sadie’s bedroom when Sadie had been telling Hannah this, and ironically enough, just at that moment, Hannah’s mum had sent her a text to tell her that supper was ready and to remind her that she had homework to do – just like she was a little kid or something.
And Sadie had grabbed the phone and said, ‘Oh for God’s sake. There is no way my mum would do that to me. She knows the boundaries. That is just so out of order. Do you want me to text her back for you?’
Hannah had shaken her head and grabbed the phone because she had seen some of the text messages Sadie sent.
‘So you going back?’ Sadie had asked, taking a pull on her cigarette and flicking the ash out of the bedroom window.
‘No,’ Hannah had said. ‘No way.’ She pretended to be offended at the very suggestion, all the while wondering if there was any way she could secretly text her mum to let her know she was all right, that she would be back later and to save her some supper.
Suzie had made chilli, which was Hannah’s favourite, and she was cooking it because Hannah had asked her to. They had been talking about it over breakfast, planning to have tortilla chips and salsa, nacho cheese and guacamole and sour cream, the whole works, because Hannah had asked if they could. When she got home Suzie had saved her some of everything and Hannah had felt guilty and sorry, although she hadn’t said so.
Suzie hadn’t told her off for being late, simply saying, ‘Oh hello, honey, glad you’re back. Megan and I made a trifle too if you want some. You know what your dad’s like – I’ve been trying to keep him from eating it all. Have you had a good time?’
And Hannah had just shrugged.
‘Did you go out with Sadie?’ Suzie asked.
What could she say?
As she handed her the chilli, Suzie had said, ‘I don’t like to criticise your friends, Hannah, but be careful, won’t you? We trust you but we don’t want to see you hurt or in trouble, darling.’
Hannah had considered storming out in a huff but decided on balance that she was too hungry and the chilli smelt too delicious to miss. ‘You don’t know anything about Sadie,’ she’d said instead. ‘Not really. Not what she’s really like.’
‘You’re right,’ said Suzie, ‘but I have known people like her. I’m just saying, be careful.’
‘I’m going to eat this upstairs,’ Hannah had said, expecting her mum would protest.
‘Okay,’ said Suzie, putting a bowl of tortilla chips alongside a little bowl of sour cream. ‘Can you just make sure you bring the tray down when you’re done, please?’
Hannah had rolled her eyes and sighed. God, it was just so annoying to have a mum who was so understanding and so nice.
* * *
Today, sitting on the swings, Sadie looked as if she might have slept in her clothes. Her make-up was thick and as subtle as a car crash, and she was dressed in a long white vest top belted at the waist over black leggings and ballet pumps, teamed with a battered and oversized leather biker jacket. Her bleached and blue-streaked hair was bundled up into a messy pile on top of her head, held in place with a scrunchie and wrapped around with a bit of lace.
The thing was, Hannah knew it wasn’t just how Sadie looked or even how she behaved that her mum was concerned about. Suzie had said that there was something cruel, something spiteful about Sadie, you could see it in her eyes – and Hannah had known straightaway that her mum was right, although there was no way she would ever say so.
A lot of the things Sadie thought were funny were actually quite cruel, but Sadie was cool and diamond-hard, really mature and right up there with the best of them when it came to attitude, and that was what something Hannah really wished she had more of. Attitude. Don’t mess with me, take me as I am or leave me the hell alone attitude. If just a little bit of that rubbed off, then it would be worth it.
Ever since Hannah could remember, she had always been the good girl, the nice girl, the one who worked hard and went to after-school clubs and joined the Brownies and the Guides. She had been doing her Duke of Edinburgh’s Award until Sadie had shown up.
Teachers and grown-ups liked Hannah, but it was horrible always being good. The pretty bitchier girls had never wanted anything to with her and although they didn’t exactly bully her, they didn’t want her in their gang either. The girls Hannah used to hang around with were never cool; they were the clever, nerdy, ugly, fat ones – at least, that was what Sadie said.
Sadie had blown in at the start of Year 10 and for some reason,
