of stress-induced damage which occurs is dependent upon which answer is forthcoming to these questions.
It is the ‘hardy’ response which is health-promoting with quite the opposite effect deriving from the opposite choice. Hardiness carries with it a sense of being in control, the view that the sort of events and situations described above offer a challenge and not a threat, and finally a sense of involvement and commitment rather than of detachment and isolation. And, in all of these hardiness elements, whether or not you feel it likely at this stage, you have a large degree of choice.
Choice? Yes indeed, for we can learn to choose how we will respond to life’s inconsistencies, demands and challenges, and this represents a major element in stress-proofing yourself. Even your believing the possibility of that statement being correct involves choice.
From childhood onwards, stress provides a spur and an incentive to development. The will to please others and to satisfy inner drives are responses to needs, desires and targets or goals, set by authority, society, family, self, and so on. This aspect of stress is vital to human survival and development. It is when there are inappropriate responses to such drives that stress becomes potentially harmful.
Whether considering early childhood development, schooling, family life, courtship, marriage, higher education, work or retirement, life presents a kaleidoscope of stressful events, challenges, obstacles, pitfalls and sometimes tragedies. The ground on which these events fall is the personality and make-up of the person, and since the avoidance of all stressful events and stages in life is not possible, it is the ground, the personality and belief system, that presents the main opportunity for modification, and consequent lessening of the impact of the many stressors that beset us.
‘Type A’ and ‘Type B’ Personalities
Cardiologists, Friedman and Rosenmann, have described the ‘Type A’ personality who is predisposed to heart disease. The Type A individual moves, walks, talks and eats quickly. He finds it difficult to relax, sets himself deadlines, often undertakes more than one task at a time; he fidgets and is ambitious. The ‘Type B’ person, much less prone to heart disease, is in direct contrast. This type moves, talks and eats slowly, is able to relax, is unambitious and avoids pressure and deadlines. None of this is too surprising, but what is exciting is that, when motivated (often by an early coronary) the Type A can turn into a Type B by altering their behaviour and copying Type B behaviour until it becomes habitual. There is a consequent drop in the likelihood of coronary disease following such a modification. Type A will have then adopted more desirable and appropriate responses to the needs of life, and will have enhanced his chances of long-term survival.
Living in the present lessens the tendency to dwell on past events or to worry about anticipated future events, and a further aspect of this is that the nearer our concept of reality is to actual life the less stress will be created. Reality may not always be the same for all people, but in many daily situations the stress felt by people is the direct result of their ‘fantasy’ of how things should be, being at odds with reality. My ‘fantasy’, for example, is that when people make appointments they ought to keep them, and what is more, they ought to be on time. In reality, however, this is often not the case. The annoyance and stress which is generated every time an appointment is missed or someone is late, could be avoided if I could bring my fantasy closer to real life, i.e. anticipate that people will, by the nature of things, be late for or will actually forget to keep their appointments from time to time.
‘If Only …’
In terms of attitudes to life and events, such thoughts or utterances as ‘if only …’ or ‘it should have been like …’, or ‘wouldn’t it have been nice if …’ indicate a failure to accept reality, or an unwillingness to accept what has actually happened. This type of ‘fantasy’ may appear harmless, but it is as potentially stressful as dwelling in the past or future. It is, in fact, another facet of that same tendency. ‘Be there now’ is the best piece of advice for such a person to bear in mind. Life is in the ‘here and now’. In the past, the future and the ‘if only’ lie shadows, demons and stress.
Nowhere is this more evident than in personal relationships, whether this be at work or in the home environment. Much stress results from an inability to express feelings clearly, without becoming upset. If feelings are expressed inadequately, then hostility and anger will often develop. Once again, many such stresses relate to differences of opinion as to what is, and what is not reality. Interpersonal relationships require that we express our feelings clearly and in a non-hostile manner, and that we are then prepared to listen to a similar expression of the other person’s views, without feeling ‘got at’ or under attack.
This is the ideal, of course, and it may be difficult to achieve because of long-held attitudes and firmly-rooted personality traits, but it is, undoubtedly, the way to ensure non-stressful relationships. Seeing reality in the present, the ability to deliver unbiased, non-hostile expressions of opinion, and the ability to listen are, then, qualities to be cultivated.
In personal relationships much tension is generated as a result of unfulfilled expectations. If one party anticipates a gesture or form of recognition (such as a birthday card or telephone call) which does not materialize, a tense and resentful attitude may ensue. Again, an ability to communicate can defuse such a situation. Errors or sins of omission are just as potentially stressful as sins of commission; i.e. non-events as opposed to actual events. If bottled up and nursed, such feelings can produce stress out of all proportion to the importance of the actual incident.
Self-Esteem and Cynicism
Into the huge equation of stress factors and their interaction with the mind/body complex which makes up each of us, we need to add ‘self-image’. How do you see yourself in relation to others, society at large, your friends and family? How accurately (and how harshly) do you judge your own strengths and weaknesses? Above all, what is the degree of your self-esteem, and how important is that anyway?
An important leading article appeared in the Lancet (22 October 1988, pages 943–4) which addressed the question of self-esteem. This explained the complex way in which we come to a value judgement, in which we weigh ourselves, deriving our standards partly by comparing ourselves with others. Do we, however, compare ourselves with those who are better off or those who are worse off than ourselves?
Modern American adolescents compare themselves with their fellows, judging by such yardsticks as popularity, degree of influence over others, school and other results and their self-awareness of such concepts as honour and virtue. Out of those assessments comes a self-esteem judgement which can profoundly influence the person’s stress-coping abilities.
In adult life we use similar yardsticks, but we add to it factors such as how good we feel we have been at being parents, husbands or wives, as well as experiences of success and failure in many of life’s tasks and the world in general. One common tactic in maintaining self-esteem is the awarding to ourselves of the credit for all that goes well, and to others (or circumstances) the blame for all that goes wrong.
Additional reinforcement for feelings of self-esteem (and the opposite) derives from other people’s opinions of us, as we perceive them. To that we have to add the degree of respect, attention, approval, praise, affection and love (or the opposite of any of these) we receive. Our self-esteem, therefore, has a lot to do with how we see our value reflected in the eyes of those around us and of society, and this starts in childhood.
Freud summed it up by saying: ‘A man who has been the indisputable favourite of his mother keeps for life the feeling of a conqueror.’ Imagine also the opposite, the sense of rejection and failure which children derive and carry with them into adult life from a parental attitude of indifference, or worse. Of course, life is seldom as simple
