what we can see,’ Mel whispered, loud enough for the sonographer to pick up her irritation. ‘It’s a grainy black and white image, lots of indistinguishable blobs really but we can see a steady heart beating. Right now Joel has frozen the image on a particular frame so he can take some measurements. There’s a very faint outline of baby’s face, a really clear white line which is his spine and I can even make out his arms and legs.’
‘He?’ asked James.
‘I call all my babies he,’ explained Mel. ‘It’s a bit too early to work out baby’s sex but if you want our friend here to earn his money, we could have a go.’
‘I don’t want to know yet,’ Maggie said. She was still struggling with the idea that there was a living being growing inside her. ‘Do you, James?’
‘No, me neither.’
‘Did you find out with the boys?’ Maggie asked.
The boys were James’s two sons from his first marriage. Liam was nine and Sam seven. Fatherhood hadn’t been easy first time around for her husband. The divorce had been amicable enough but the strain of his ex-wife moving to Portsmouth after she remarried had pushed him to his limits. The five-hundred-mile round trip to see his children or bring them up north for visits was hard going on all of them but thankfully, it was still worth James’s efforts as far Liam and Sam were concerned.
‘With Sam we did,’ James said. ‘But that was only to find out if we could reuse Liam’s baby clothes or needed to start saving up for dresses.’
‘OK, everything looks fine,’ the sonographer announced bringing them back to the present. ‘You were given a due date of 24 October and that matches my measurements so everything is going to plan.’
‘I suppose there’s no going back now,’ Maggie said, hoping that no one noticed the serious tone that had crept into what should have been a light quip.
‘And now that we know everything is as it should be,’ Mel added, ‘I’ve brought my Doppler with me to listen for baby’s heartbeat. It might be too early to pick up yet but I can give it a try if you want me to.’
Maggie was obliged to say yes but when Mel placed it on her abdomen and radio static filled the room, she fought the urge to push it away. Hearing the description of an image on screen was one thing but this was something else entirely. Maggie’s heartbeat quickened and the Doppler picked up her anxiety for all to hear but then there was another beat. It was only faint, much faster and impossible to ignore. Maggie steeled herself for the crushing wave of panic she expected but instead, indescribable warmth flooded her chest and took her breath away. The trembling smile was on her lips even before she realised that this was how motherhood was meant to feel and she prayed for the strength to hold onto that feeling.
As they left the hospital, Maggie and James didn’t say a word. Maggie held Harvey’s harness in one hand and James’s hand in the other. Her ears were straining for the faintest echo of the tiny heartbeat that had swept away weeks of fear and self-doubt. She wanted to laugh. Instead she began to cry.
Her tears slipped silently down her face and it was only as they reached the car that James noticed. ‘Are you all right?’
There was no alarm in his voice; in fact Maggie could detect a smile. Harvey was a little more difficult to reassure and whined nervously as he settled into the caged compartment at the back of the car. Maggie rubbed behind his ears. ‘It’s OK, Harvey. Mummy’s … happy.’
James cupped his hands around her face and wiped away the tears with his thumbs. ‘Are you?’
‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘Of course.’
‘It’s just what you said in there, about there being “no going back”. I got the feeling you weren’t so sure. In fact, I’ve been wondering that for a while. You’re not the closed book you like to think you are.’
Maggie took one of his hands and kissed it gently. The sense of euphoria was still running through her veins and it made her brave enough to confess some if not all of her hidden fears. ‘It’s more a matter of not feeling ready, that’s all. There are so many new things to learn,’ she said. ‘But when I heard that heartbeat, I felt such a rush of love and it took me by surprise. So yes, honestly, I am happy.’
As James wrapped her in his arms, Maggie buried her head into his broad shoulders. His six-foot frame towered over Maggie’s slender figure and even though he was thickset, it was more muscle than flab thanks to an active working life. He was a builder by trade, a gentle giant who would protect her and keep her safe but he had a vulnerable side too and it was this that had attracted her to him more than anything.
Maggie’s first impressions of James hadn’t come from his appearance but the timbre of his voice and he had sounded lost. His ex-wife had just broken the news about moving down south and he had been suffering from stress-related eczema. It was Kathy, the owner of the beauty salon where Maggie worked and a good friend of James’s mum, who had suggested he try aromatherapy. Kathy’s poorly disguised matchmaking had cured James’s ailments far more effectively than the myrrh and sandalwood Maggie had massaged into his hands.
She raised her head towards her husband. ‘And are you happy?’ It was the first time she had acknowledged that James’s reaction to the pregnancy had been as muted as her own.
‘Yes.’
‘Really?’ Maggie asked, not getting the confirmation she needed.
‘I love you, Maggie, and marrying you and having this baby is the answer to all my prayers, but if I’m being really honest, the prospect of becoming a dad again is scaring me. I don’t want to get it wrong this time.’
‘You didn’t get it wrong last time. You’re a good dad,’ Maggie countered.
‘And you are going to be a fantastic mother. I know you’re missing your mum right now but I’m sure Joan is still around watching over you.’
Maggie recalled the empty seat next to her on the park bench and the sensation of her hand cutting through fresh air. ‘Maybe,’ she said.
‘So now your mum knows, don’t you think it’s about time we tell the rest of our parents?’ James asked as he helped her into the car. It wasn’t necessary but she knew he would be just as attentive of his pregnant wife even if she had perfect vision.
‘I don’t suppose we can put it off forever.’
James didn’t answer. He closed the passenger door and walked around to his side of the car giving them both time to collect their thoughts. Maggie had already told him the night before about her encounter with Lorna, although she had been economical with the details, mentioning only that the news was out. James would have phoned his parents there and then if Judith and Ken hadn’t been away visiting their grandchildren in Portsmouth. He wanted to be the one to tell Liam and Sam and to reassure them that the baby wasn’t going to alter his relationship with them. He hadn’t needed to explain why it wasn’t a good idea to attempt that while Judith was around to offer her own opinions.
James slipped behind the steering wheel and as he straightened his jacket, she heard the rustle of paper. The baby scan photo was burning a hole in his pocket. ‘This is good news we’re sharing,’ he reminded her.
‘I know and I’d like to hold on to that thought for as long as I can but let’s be realistic,
