rival any of Charles’s most cranky moments, bent again and began to gather the pearls. ‘You should go, my lord. I doubt Miss Ashford would be happy to know you were alone in here with another woman.’
He stood, silent and cold, for a moment. ‘Perhaps you are right.’ He turned to go.
Perverse disappointment bit into Sophie. ‘Incomprehensible.’ She said it just loud enough for him to hear.
‘I beg your pardon?’
Defiant, Sophie lifted her chin. ‘I was remarking to myself that I find you incomprehensible.’ She pursed her lips and shook her head. ‘But upon reflection I find that I don’t even want to try to understand it.’
‘Understand what?’ he demanded.
‘How the boy who faced down Otto, the village bully twice his size, the same boy who climbed the maypole just to win a bet, the man who swam naked in the Serpentine with two of the city’s most famous high flyers—how that person somehow metamorphosed into the pluck-less specimen before me.’
Charles just blinked for several seconds. ‘Did you say pluck-less?’
‘Yes, but I could have substituted faint-hearted, mean-spirited, dandified, or, let us not forget, hen-pecked.’
For a moment he looked as if he might explode. Then he laughed. And laughed. Then he sat down in the lion chair and laughed some more.
‘Damn you, Sophie,’ he said when he had recovered, ‘you always did bully me out of a bad mood. I should have remembered.’
He met her gaze as he smiled in remembrance and Sophie’s breath caught. Here it was, the look, the feeling of friendship and something indefinable, but more. This was what she had been looking for when she found him again. It was sweet to discover it at last, but also painful, because she knew it was fleeting.
‘I? Bully?’ she asked. ‘You are the one who has yelled at, insulted, and ignored me. A little name calling is the least you deserve.’
He grinned. ‘How did you hear about the Serpentine?’
‘The same way the rest of England did—in the papers. I dare say I’ve heard of every scrape you’ve been in since you were fifteen.’
‘Good Lord, I hope not. Some of them were never meant for ladies’ ears.’
‘No one has ever had cause to call me faint-hearted,’ she said with pride. ‘You know I’ve never cared for what people say of me. You never did either.’
The challenge hung in the air between them, and Sophie held her breath. For a moment she thought she had done it, that he would tell her what haunted him, but then he grimaced and the light in his eyes died. The mask was back.
‘Now I do,’ he said, his voice harsh, ‘and it is past time you did too.’
‘I never thought to see the day I could say this with honesty. I don’t like you, Charles. I can’t abide the person you have become. You are closed, cold, and cruel.’
‘Good. It’s better that way.’ His voice was as remote as his expression.
‘Why are you trying to drive me away?’ she whispered.
His eyes closed. He was fighting some inner battle while she waited alone. He knelt and took her hands. His were warm. He smelled of masculine things, smoke and expensive cologne and raw male sensuality. ‘Things have changed,’ he said gently. ‘You are right, I’ve changed. We cannot be to each other what we once were.’
‘Why not?’ She had to fight to keep the anguish from her voice.
‘Don’t, Sophie,’ he said, dropping her hands and rising. ‘If you only knew how hard it has been.’ He was pacing now and she was shaking. ‘And you come along and make it so much more difficult.’ He turned to her. ‘You’re not … I cannot …’ It was panic in his voice and on his face. Something out of proportion for the situation as she knew it. He began to pace again.
He stopped. ‘Listen, Sophie, let’s agree to be friends, then. I cannot offer any more. Please.’
He was hurting and, in some way she didn’t understand, it was her fault. She wanted to ease his pain, wanted to know what it was that frightened him. ‘We have always been friends, Charles. We always will be.’
‘Thank you.’ His relief was palpable.
Confused, she bent back to her forgotten task. The tiny pearls blurred as she fought the tears that threatened.
‘Here, let me help you, then I shall escort you to Mother.’
She blinked furiously. He didn’t truly wish for her friendship either, he just wanted to be rid of her.
They worked quietly for a moment before he said, ‘I believe there are some still trapped in the creature’s jaws.’
Sophie struggled to regain some semblance of herself. Never would she allow him to see the depth of her humiliation. She summoned a smile from some buried vein of strength she didn’t know she possessed. ‘Shall I leave them to you, then?’
He made a face and knelt down, picking a jewel from the crocodile’s teeth. ‘You always did leave the nasty work to me.’
‘How can you say so?’ she protested, leaning back on her heels. ‘I believe it was I who pulled the leeches off you when you would go into the South Bog after those berries.’
‘Very true,’ he returned, ‘but who had to muck out the gardener’s shed when you decided to raise a goat in there?’
Her smile was a true one this time. At least they had not lost this, the ease they felt together. It had been present since their first meeting and was the part of their relationship that she would have mourned most. Perhaps she could be content with this. ‘Poor William,’ she sighed. ‘He’s still a terror, you know.’
He made a strange, strangled noise. ‘William!’ He began to chuckle. ‘I’d forgotten the goat’s name.’ He began to laugh in earnest again. ‘Because Billy was undignified!’ he whooped, and set himself off again into gales of laughter.
This time she joined in, because it was easier to laugh than to cry.
‘Ah, Sophie,’ he said a minute later as he wiped his eye, ‘we always laughed, didn’t we?’ He leaned in close to pass her his handful of pearls, his gaze suddenly serious and locked with hers. ‘I’d forgotten how much I missed it.’
Now it was her turn to experience a twinge of panic. He was close, so close. He looked relaxed, almost happy now that he had settled her firmly in a distant sphere.
Biting her lip, she asked herself just what it was she wanted. She scarcely knew. She’d come to London telling herself she only wanted to renew their friendship. Now he offered just that and she felt—what? Disappointment. Dissatisfaction. She yearned for that connection that lit her insides, ignited her passion, made her feel whole.
Very well, she breathed deep. She would take what was offered. For now.
She schooled her expression
