dismissal, Mac realised with a frown as she turned and walked out of the kitchen. Anyone would think that being a virgin at her age was akin to having the plague! Maybe in his eyes it was…
She wasted no time in admiring the luxurious bathroom as she quickly pulled off Jonas’s overlarge T-shirt and replaced it with her own white one, a glance in the mirror over the double sink showing her that her hair was in too much of a mess for her to do any more than plait it loosely in an effort to smooth it into some sort of order.
Her face was very pale, her eyes huge and slightly red from the tears she had shed earlier, her lips full and swollen from the intensity of the kisses she had shared with Jonas.
Most of all she looked…sad.
Which wouldn’t do at all, Mac decided as she set her shoulders determinedly before leaving the bathroom to go back to the kitchen. She was a mature and confident woman—even if, horror or horrors, she was still a virgin!—and she intended to act like one.
Jonas was still sitting at the table surrounded by the remains of their meal, although the level of wine in his glass had definitely gone down in her absence.
Mac placed his T-shirt on the back of one of the other chairs. ‘Thank you,’ she said stiltedly, her face averted as she sat down to begin pulling on her leathers.
This, putting her clothes back on in a strained and awkward silence, had to be one of the most embarrassing and humiliating experiences of her entire life. More embarrassing than if she and Jonas had actually made love completely? Probably not, she acknowledged with a self-derisive grimace, as she could only imagine his reaction if he had discovered her virginity when it was too late for him to pull back.
Once again Jonas watched Mac broodingly through narrowed lids, easily able to read the self-disgust in her expression, the underlying hurt. Damn it, he had never meant to hurt her. Hadn’t wanted to hurt her. He just knew he had nothing to offer a woman like Mac. Beautiful. Emotional. Virginal…
His relationships were always, always based on a mutual attraction and physical need. That desire definitely existed between himself and Mac, but the fact that she was still a virgin, and had been willing to give that virginity to him, had also warned him that if they made love together then she would probably want more from him than that. Much more.
Jonas didn’t have any more than that to give. Not to Mac or any other woman. But that wasn’t her fault.
‘I’m sorry.’
She gave him a sharp glance as she straightened from lacing her boots. ‘For what?’
Jonas grimaced. ‘For allowing things to go as far between us just now as they did. If I had known—’
‘If you had known I was a virgin then you wouldn’t have invited me up to your apartment at all!’ she finished knowingly as she stood to zip up her leathers.
Jonas winced at the bitterness he could hear in her tone. ‘None of what happened was premeditated on my part—’
‘No?’ she challenged.
‘No, damn it!’ A scowl darkened his brow.
Mac shrugged. ‘Don’t worry about it, Jonas. Not all men are as fickle as you; I’m pretty sure I can find one who’s more than willing to become my first lover. Maybe I’ll come back once I have, and we can finish what we started?’ she taunted.
Jonas pushed his chair back noisily to stand up. ‘Don’t be so stupid!’ he rasped harshly.
Mac’s chin tilted with determination as she looked up at him. ‘What’s stupid about it?’
‘You can’t just decide to lose your virginity in that cold-blooded way!’
‘Why can’t I?’
He shook his head. ‘Because it’s something too precious to just throw away. It’s a gift you should give to a man you care about. That you love.’
Mac felt a clenching in her chest as she acknowledged that she did care about Jonas. She didn’t think she was in love with him yet—it would be madness on her part to fall in love with him!—but she definitely cared about him. About the hurt child he had once been, and the disillusioned man he now was.
She looked him straight in the eye. ‘I believe that’s for me to decide, Jonas, not you.’
‘But—’
‘I would like to leave now,’ she told him flatly.
Jonas stared down at her in obvious frustration. ‘Not until you promise me that you aren’t going to leave here and do something totally reckless.’
‘Like taking a lover?’
‘Exactly!’
Mac gave him a pitying glance. ‘I don’t believe that anything I do in future is any of your business.’
His mouth was set grimly, a nerve pulsing in his tightly clenched jaw. ‘If you’re really that desperate for a lover—’
‘Oh, I’m not desperate, Jonas,’ she said coolly. ‘Just curious,’ she added, deliberately baiting him.
Jonas wanted to shake her. Wanted to grasp the tops of Mac’s arms and shake her until her teeth rattled. Except that he didn’t dare touch her again. Because he knew that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop…
He sighed heavily. ‘I thought you understood after the things I told you about my childhood. Mac, I’m not the man you need, and I never could be.’
She frowned. ‘I don’t believe I ever asked you to be anything to me,’ she pointed out.
‘But you would.’ That nerve continued to pulse in his jaw. ‘Perhaps you would enjoy the novelty of the relationship at first, the sexual excitement, but eventually you would want more than I have to give you.’
‘You know what, Jonas,’ she said conversationally, ‘I think you’re taking an awful lot for granted in assuming that I would have wanted to continue a—a sexual relationship with you after tonight. I mean, who’s to say I would actually have enjoyed having sex with you? Or is it that you’re under the illusion you’re such a great lover that no woman could possibly be left feeling disappointed after sharing your bed?’
Jonas felt the twitch of a smile on his lips as Mac deliberately insulted him. ‘That would be a little arrogant of me, wouldn’t it?’
‘More than a little, I would have said,’ she shot back. ‘So, how do I get out of here?’ She moved pointedly across the room to stand beside the doorway out into the hallway.
This evening had been something of another disaster as far as he and Mac were concerned, Jonas acknowledged ruefully as he preceded her out of the kitchen and walked with her to the lift.
She grimaced once she had stepped inside the lift. ‘I’m not sure if I said this before, but thank you for sending Bob over this afternoon to fix my window.’
Jonas had totally forgotten that was the original reason she had followed him home! ‘But don’t do anything like it again?’ he
