to ‘man up’ and deal with it?
It was another reason she’d always accompanied Toby on these trips, rather than just ask Brad to come to the island and pick him up. It’s not like her ex didn’t have the money to fly over for their bi-weekly visits. Neither did she begrudge Toby the time with his father. Brad was a good man, and a decent father—at least he’d never begged off having Toby come and see him—but Sammi also wanted to be somewhere close, in case something went terribly wrong. So she’d sit in a hotel room all day while Brad, along with his new wife and daughter, took Toby on their usual one-day jaunt. She’d stare at her cellphone and will it not to ring. But Toby had always been dropped off at the end of the day healthy, happy, and singularly untraumatized. He never knew his mother went to hell and back until he was delivered safely into her care once again.
At least she and Molly—who’d come back from her honeymoon a week ago—could go out and enjoy a meal. If her friend was off duty for the day. And if she could drag herself away from Blake long enough for them to get in some girl time.
‘There it is, Mom!’
Sure enough, off in the distance was a pinpoint strip of land that could only signal they were getting close to docking. ‘Do you have all your stuff?’
Toby glanced down at his wheeled backpack. ‘I think so. I’m coming back to the hotel room tonight, right? Or am I staying with Daddy?’
‘Nope. It’s you and me, popcorn and a movie.’ She tucked the tail of his scarf into his coat a little better. ‘What do you want to see?’
‘How about something scary? With zombies and stuff.’
Her brows went up. ‘Try again. This time come down a couple of ratings to something within the PG range.’
‘Awww, Mom…’
It was a familiar fight, but Sammi wasn’t irritated. She knew it was part of Toby’s search for independence, but she also knew that at six, he still needed limits. Lots of them. She could be his friend when he was an adult. Until then, she was fully prepared to be the bad guy.
‘Hmm… How about that penguin movie you love so much?’
‘We’ve seen that like six thousand times.’
‘That’s a lot. I had no idea.’ She gave him a mock roll of her eyes. ‘We can decide once you get back to the hotel, then.’
The next half-hour was spent making sure they weren’t forgetting anything on board before the ferry drew up at the docking. When Toby acted like he was going to bolt toward the exit, she took his arm. ‘Wait.’ She didn’t particularly want to be trampled on the way out. So they hung back, allowing the bulk of the passengers to disembark before making their own getaway.
Brad and his family met them in the parking area. There were so many people around that they didn’t have to worry about making small talk or about whether or not Sammi should invite them inside her hotel room. She wanted to keep things as cordial as possible, for Toby’s sake.
A small pang of envy went through her as Brad bent down and wrapped his son in a big hug. His wife also knelt to say hello, their four-year-old daughter holding tightly to her hand. Sammi wanted to dislike the woman, especially since they’d started their own family almost before the ink had been dry on the divorce papers, but she couldn’t. Maribel had never been anything but nice to her, and she seemed to really like Toby. That was all that mattered. That her son was happy and well taken care of.
Brad stood, keeping hold of Toby’s hand. ‘Do you want to do this like we usually do? We can bring him to the hotel room around eight or nine?’
Something about the way he said it made Sammi fidget. Yes, that was their normal arrangement, so it wasn’t like she could suddenly say Toby couldn’t go. She just had a funny feeling. The weather had been iffy for the two-day trip on the ferry, but nothing in the forecast seemed to predict anything unusual for a day in mid-October. ‘That sounds fine.’
No one asked which hotel, because she always stayed at the same place. And she was always alone when they arrived.
Alone. What an awful-sounding word.
Maybe she needed to put herself back on the market. Toby was growing up quickly. And Brad seemed to have gone on with his life. So why hadn’t she?
Certainly not because she was still in love with Brad. She’d been fond of him—had convinced herself he was the stable, steady presence she craved in a husband. Not like her father or Mark who had been there one minute and gone the next. But, in the end, stable and steady hadn’t been enough to make the marriage work.
She leaned down and kissed Toby, making sure his backpack was zipped up tight. ‘I guess you’re all set.’
‘Ready for the zoo?’ Brad asked his wife and daughter. Little squeals went up from both the girls, while Toby stood motionless.
Strange. A little while ago he’d been excited about the prospect of being with his dad. Maybe he’d sensed her mood, which he seemed to have an uncanny knack of doing. She hoped not. The last thing she wanted to do was spoil his outing.
‘Oh, wait.’ Lord, she couldn’t believe she’d almost forgotten. Reaching into her jacket pocket, she pulled out Toby’s inhaler and handed it to her ex. The skin between Brad’s brows puckered a bit, but he said nothing. Instead, he shoved the small canister into the pocket of his own jacket. Her trepidation grew. Brad wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Toby. He was his son as well. And they’d been through this same routine for the last four years without a hint of trouble.
They turned to go, and Sammi waved them off with a smile that she hoped hid the kernel of sadness that appeared whenever she watched her son walk away from her. She then trudged over to the car rental place, anxious to get to the hotel and kick back and relax.
Right. Kick back and mope was more like it.
Lucky for her, Molly was home when she called and was currently husbandless, since Blake was off on a flight. Maybe today wouldn’t be as bad as she feared. Molly swung by the hotel and picked Sammi up, refusing to let her drive all the way out to the house.
‘It was on the way to the restaurant,’ her friend insisted, once they sat at the table of a popular seafood place.
The aroma of garlic and fresh fish swirled around the foyer, and Sammi gave an appreciative sniff, beginning to relax a little. ‘It’s been a while since I’ve been out to eat.’
It was true. Normally on these jaunts she simply grabbed some Chinese takeout and carried it back to the room, as it felt pathetic to sit at a table all by herself. But with Molly there, things seemed a little more festive, a little less sad.
Once they were seated, she cracked open the menu and tried not to wince at the prices. Maybe this was why she didn’t go out to eat that much. But she’d earned this respite. Toby was safe, and she wouldn’t get that many chances to see Molly now that she was back in Anchorage. ‘How’s Blake?’
‘He’s fine. In fact, he’s more than fine.’ Molly leaned forward, her glance darting around the room before coming back to rest on Sammi with a smile. ‘Okay, so we weren’t going to tell anyone yet, but… I’m pregnant.’
‘What?’ So this was why her friend had been practically
