London to see her, to check she’d settled in OK to her new job and her new life. After the wreck of their marriage, they couldn’t even be friends.
She’d walked out on him because she’d seen the blame in his eyes and his contempt for her every time he’d looked at her, and she just hadn’t been able to live with it. That, and the knowledge that he was right about her. That she was a selfish woman who wouldn’t know how to put a family first because she was useless at being part of a family.
Well, hey. Now wasn’t the time for a pity party.
She saved the file, then headed out to the nurses’ station. As she drew nearer, she recognised Daniel Connor and his daughter waiting there.
‘Hello, Dr Scott,’ Mia said shyly, and handed her a hand-drawn card and a paper plate covered with cling film. ‘I made these for you and the nurses to say thank you for looking after me.’
Cupcakes, painstakingly decorated with buttercream and sprinkles.
Gifts from patients weren’t encouraged, but a home-made card and cupcakes from a little girl were definitely acceptable. Especially as Stephanie could see that these were meant to be shared with the other staff who’d helped to look after her.
Stephanie crouched down so she was nearer Mia’s level. ‘Thank you very much, Mia. The card’s beautiful and the cakes look lovely. Did your mummy help you make them?’
‘No, Nanna Parker helped me.’ There was just the tiniest wobble of her bottom lip. ‘My mummy’s in heaven.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Stephanie said softly. She’d hurt the little girl with her assumption, and she’d misjudged Daniel. He’d clearly been through the mill. She wasn’t going to ask whether he’d lost his wife to illness or accident; either way would still have left a gaping hole in his and Mia’s lives.
And now she understood exactly why he’d flinched when she’d asked if Mia’s mum wanted to stay overnight with the little girl. It explained why he’d been so frantic about his daughter’s deteriorating health, too; clearly Mia was all Daniel had left of her mother. Her heart bled for them. It would be bad enough losing someone you loved; how much worse would it be, losing someone who loved you back?
‘I’ve still got Daddy,’ Mia said, almost as if reading her mind and reminding her that life had light as well as shade.
Stephanie nodded, and looked up at Daniel. ‘Sorry,’ she mouthed.
He made a brief hand gesture to tell her it was OK, but she knew it wasn’t. Yet again she’d messed up when it came to dealing with other people. Dealing with patients and colleagues, she could do; other kinds of personal interactions were much, much trickier. Which was why she usually managed to avoid them. Especially since the way she’d messed up with Joe and his family.
‘I’d better get this young lady home,’ Daniel said, as if he knew how awkward she felt and had taken pity on her.
She nodded. ‘Well, thank you very much for coming in to see me, Mia. It’s lovely to see that you’re so much better. I’ll put your card up on our special board, so everyone can see it, and we’ll all really enjoy these cakes.’
‘Good. I put extra sprinkles on yours,’ the little girl said, pointing out one that was extra pink and sparkly.
‘It looks gorgeous. Thank you.’
Stephanie waved her goodbye and shared out the cakes with the rest of the team on duty. But that evening, as she ate her cupcake, it struck her how a stranger could be so much kinder than family. And it made her feel really alone. She didn’t have a family at all now, not even the in-laws who’d barely accepted her in the first place but had been the nearest she’d had to a real family. And the previous month she’d moved from Manchester to London, so she didn’t have any really close friends nearby either.
She shook herself. Enough whining. Things were just fine. There was no problem at work; she’d fitted in easily to her new role and already felt part of the team. Though she knew that was probably thanks to growing up in an institution; it meant that she knew exactly how to fit in to an institution, whether it was school or university or the hospital. Whereas, when it came to family…
OK, so Joe’s family had refused to accept where she’d come from and had always treated her as an outsider; but at the same time Stephanie knew she had to accept the lion’s share of the blame for the wreckage of her marriage. She hadn’t exactly made it easy for Joe’s parents and sister, either. Not being familiar with a family dynamic, Stephanie simply didn’t know how to react in a family. She’d never been quite sure what had been teasing and what hadn’t; so she’d never really joined in, not wanting to get it wrong and hurt someone.
Was it any wonder they’d tended to leave her on the sidelines? And of course Joe would take their part over hers. They were his family and, despite the promises she and Joe had made in a packed church, she wasn’t.
And now she was being really maudlin and pathetic. ‘Stop feeling so sorry for yourself, Stephanie Scott,’ she told herself fiercely. Her new life was just fine. She liked her colleagues, she liked her flat and she liked the hospital. She had a great career in the making. And she was not going to let a cupcake throw her. Even if it had been made with extra sparkles.
Everything was fine until the inter-departmental quiz evening on Friday night. Almost as soon as Stephanie walked into the pub and was hailed by her team, she noticed who was sitting on the maternity department’s table.
Daniel Connor.
And the prickle of awareness shocked her. She wasn’t used to noticing men on anything other than a patient-or-colleague basis. She hadn’t been attracted to anyone since her break-up with Joe. And Daniel Connor definitely wasn’t the kind of man she could let herself get attracted to. He came with complications. With baggage. A family. The thing she’d wanted all her life, but had learned the hard way that it just wasn’t for her.
So she damped down that prickle of awareness, ramped up her smile, and threw herself into full colleague mode as she headed for the paediatric department’s table.
Katrina Morgan patted the chair next to hers. ‘I saved you a seat, Stephanie.’
‘Thank you.’ Stephanie smiled at her and slid into the seat.
‘Did you do this sort of thing where you were before?’ Katrina asked.
‘In Manchester? Not as often as I’d have liked to,’ Stephanie admitted. ‘Our team nights out tended to involved Chinese food, ten-pin bowling, or going to a gig.’
‘It’s pretty much like that here too,’ Katrina said, ‘though there’s the annual charity ball. My cousin helps organise that and it’s the highlight of the hospital social calendar. It’s a shame you’ll have to wait until next year’s now.’
‘It’s something to look forward to,’ Stephanie said. Being positive. The way she’d always taught herself to be, even in those dark days before she’d walked out on her marriage. Smile with the world, and they’ll all smile with you. Most of the time, anyway.
She accepted the glass of wine that Rhys Morgan offered her and thoroughly enjoyed taking part in the quiz; she’d always enjoyed trivia games. Each round, the team with the lowest score was knocked out; and the last round saw the paediatrics team going head to head with the maternity
