suspension. Upon his return, his desk was placed at the front of the class, near Mrs. Finch, who was perturbed that he’d botched her alphabetical seating arrangements.
“Marilee, you look as pretty as you did the day they crowned you homecoming queen,” Irby said, giving her a bear hug that she half feared would crack a rib. His wife, Debbie, stood beside him. They’d married right after graduation, and Marilee still recalled how the tongues had wagged when Debbie gave birth only eight months after their wedding night. Debbie’s mother had declared to family and friends that the child was premature, despite the fact the newborn had weighed more than eight pounds. The couple had gone on to have a total of four children, ranging from eighteen months to sixteen years old.
“You look wonderful,” Debbie said, a toddler propped on one hip. “You’re going to have to give me your beauty secrets.”
Marilee wondered if they were simply trying to soothe her wounded ego, now that Grady had publicly humiliated her. “Thank you. I don’t believe I’ve met the latest addition to the Denton family.”
Debbie looked proud. “This is Ben, named after Irby’s grandfather. We call him Bennie.”
“Nice to meet you, Bennie.” She tried to shake his hand playfully, but he pulled away and buried his face against Debbie’s breasts.
“He’s shy,” Debbie said. “And a little spoiled.”
“Come on in the house,” Irby said. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
Marilee followed, stepping over a toy car as she went. “No, thanks.”
Irby picked up the toy and handed it to his wife. “Honey, you’re going to have to tell David to keep his toys upstairs. I can’t have folks tripping over them when they come through the door.”
Debbie nodded wearily. “I’ve tried, Irby, believe me.”
He nodded sympathetically. “I know.” He looked at Marilee. “It’s not easy, a big family like ours living upstairs like we do, but it’s cheaper this way. We have the space, mind you, but the kids still wander downstairs from time to time. Debbie, would you watch the phones while I chat with Marilee for a bit?”
“Of course.”
Irby led Marilee through the reception area, passing several closed doors that she knew from experience were parlors designed for relatives to view their loved ones before burial. Antiques in dire need of polishing adorned the rooms.
“Here we are,” Irby said once they’d reached a paneled office. The furniture looked as though it had come from a garage sale. A computer sat on a battered credenza, the screen saver a scrolling marquee that read, People Are Dying to Come Here. “Have a seat, Marilee.”
“Thank you.” Marilee sat down and was met with what sounded like a giant fart. She leaped from the chair, and then frowned at the sight of a whoopee cushion. “Irby Denton, won’t you ever grow up!”
He looked surprised. “I swear I didn’t do it,” he said, rounding the desk and grabbing the cushion. He tossed it aside. “David, our ten-year-old, is obviously up to his old tricks.”
“And where do you suppose he learned them?” Marilee said, hands on hips.
Irby shrugged as though he hadn’t a clue. “I’ll tell you, the boy has no shame.” He looked remorseful despite one corner of his mouth tugging as though he would burst into laughter at the slightest provocation. “I should beat all of our children, but Debbie won’t permit it. That’s why they’re so spoiled.”
Marilee knew Irby wouldn’t beat a rug to rid it of dust. “Well, I hope I have no more surprises this morning.”
“I’m going to be on my best behavior.” He reclaimed his seat and shuffled through a mountain of papers on his desk. “I was…uh…sorry to hear about you and Grady. Debbie said I shouldn’t bring it up but if there’s anything we can do, please let us know.”
Marilee clenched her hands in her lap. “Thank you for your concern, Irby, but don’t worry.”
He cleared his throat. “This place is a mess,” he said, changing the subject abruptly. “My other assistant eloped two weeks ago, leaving me high and dry. Debbie and I haven’t had a chance to catch up with all the paperwork. You can’t imagine how thrilled I was when Leanne from the Job Service called to tell me you were interested in working here. Debbie and I both agree you’re perfect for the job.”
Marilee sat up straighter in her chair. “Um, Irby, before we go on, I’d like to know exactly what duties I’m to perform.”
Irby reached for an Atlanta Braves baseball cap and plopped it on his head. “Just seein’ that the place runs smoothly. Sometimes I might need you to fill in for me if I’m in the middle of something and can’t let go.”
“Fill in?” Her voice wavered.
“You know, hose down a body, stick ‘em in the goozle and drain the good stuff. Sew a few eyelids closed.”
Marilee paled instantly. She covered her mouth.
“Hey, I’m just having fun with you, Marilee.” Irby looked concerned. “Are you okay, honey? You can’t take things too seriously around here, know what I mean?”
“That wasn’t funny, Irby. Nor was swallowing that goldfish.”
“That happened a long time ago, Marilee. I’ve matured since then. Okay, maybe not as much as I should have, but I promise I’ll be serious from now on.” He put on a pair of reading glasses, as if that in itself would do the trick. “The main thing you have to do is cover the phones and know where to find me in case I have a body run.”
“Body run?”
“That’s not exactly how we refer to it in front of our clients. The correct term is body removal, but it means the same thing.” He reached back and patted the computer. “You know how to operate one of these babies?”
Marilee nodded. “I worked in the church office long enough to learn the basics.”
“Many of our clients have already made funeral preparations, and it’s all listed right here, down to the last detail. We even have pictures on file so Debbie can copy their hair and makeup. We want them to look as natural as we can.” He rolled his eyes. “Some of the ladies make arrangements beforehand to have their regular hairdressers come in, if you can believe it. I’ve never understood that, but I go along with it anyway. I reckon I ought to order some blue rinse and put a salon chair back there, only we’d have to strap ‘em in. Know what I mean?”
Marilee chose to ignore the remark. She desperately needed the job. “Will I be expected to meet with the families?”
“Sometimes. This is a funny business. We have weeks where it’s slower’n molasses running down a cold stovepipe, other times I don’t know if I’m coming or going. But you won’t have any trouble. You’ve helped folks through bad times before.” He reached for a folder. “Our fees are listed according to the needs of individual families. You’ll want to study this so you’re prepared.”
Marilee took the folder and glanced through it, noting the various price options. “What do you do in the event someone
