deserve this. Nobody deserved this. He’d seen the suffering on TV and in the newspapers, seen kids with pale faces, bald heads and brave smiles. His heart had gone out to them and now the son he’d only just discovered would go through the same torture all in the name of survival.
‘Of course, a bone-marrow transplant gives the best hope for not having a relapse.’
‘Is a transplant always necessary?’ Jed asked, bracing himself for the next bombshell this cruel man dropped. Though in all fairness, it wasn’t the doc’s fault. He was here to help them, and from now on they’d be placing a lot of faith in his skills. If only he’d stop tapping that damn pen on the file in front of him!
‘Not always. Some people are cured after just chemical intervention. However, it’s best to consider all possibilities.’ The doctor tilted his head forward and stared at him over the top of his steel-rimmed spectacles as if willing him to comprehend what he was telling him.
Damn, this wasn’t fair. The diagnosis, the fact Aimee hadn’t told him about Toby before this, the chance to be a dad to Toby ripped from him before he could try, even if he sucked at it.
In the midst of his self-pity, it struck him. Aimee had already gone through this, had heard the diagnosis, the treatment, the chances. Alone.
She’d gone through this horrible experience by herself, and suddenly the guilt returned. Guilt at how he’d treated her, how he hadn’t been around, how he’d never known his son and might not have that chance now. He needed to get over it and move on, for all their sakes.
‘Tell Jed about the transplant,’ Aimee said, a hint of steel threaded through the softness of her voice, and his admiration for her skyrocketed.
The doctor nodded. ‘An allogenic bone-marrow transplant usually comes from a sibling donor, from a relative or even a compatible stranger. We harvest the bone marrow, which is the liquid centre of bone, from the donor and the recipient gets it in an IV over one to five hours.’
‘IV? Oh.’ Jed winced, hoping his son didn’t have his phobia for needles. ‘What does the harvesting procedure involve?’
Though he had a sneaking suspicion he knew. His high-school biology wasn’t that rusty and he remembered covering BMT—bone-marrow transplants—in an assignment.
The doctor’s pen tapping increased as if he didn’t have time for such mundane questions and Jed briefly envisioned ramming that pen in a few places a pen shouldn’t be.
‘The donor is given an anaesthetic, a needle is inserted into the hip bone and the marrow drawn out. Harvesting the marrow takes about an hour and is more uncomfortable for the donor than the recipient.’
‘Great. About time you gave me some good news,’ Jed muttered, his sarcasm not lost on the doctor, who actually looked as if he might crack a smile for all of two seconds.
‘Anything else you’d like to ask?’ The doctor paused for a moment before rushing on, obviously none too keen on further questions. ‘If not, I’d like to have you tested as soon as possible.’
‘Just one more thing.’
All this medical talk of various treatment methods was fine but what if none of it worked? What if the unthinkable happened? What if Toby died?
The thought made Jed feel faint and he dropped his head forward, taking deep breaths till the spots before his eyes cleared.
‘Is he going to live?’
Aimee’s sharp intake of breath reverberated around the room and she tried to smother it with a forced cough. As if the scenario the doctor had painted for them in plain, harsh language wasn’t bad enough, he’d had to force the issue, to hear the reassurance he desperately craved.
He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment his mindset shifted but at some moment in time, as the doctor rambled on about treatment and prognosis, he’d suddenly realised that he wanted a chance with Toby. A chance at what he still hadn’t figured out, but he knew that just meeting the little guy wouldn’t be enough.
He may not know how to be a father.
He may not even want that kind of responsibility.
But right now he knew he wanted to take a chance and see what kind of man he was, what kind of a dad he could be.
And the realisation scared him to death.
The doctor pursed his lips in disapproval and sent him a glare over his specs. ‘We can’t give guarantees.’
‘No, I guess not,’ Jed said, the sudden realisation that even if he was compatible, that even if Toby underwent every form of life-saving treatment known to man he could still die hit home with the force of a hurricane with the potential to leave as much devastation in its wake.
‘Right. Let’s get this underway, then.’
If the doctor had appeared cold and detached before, he seemed positively frosty now. Must be his way of distancing himself in a world filled with bad news and worse.
‘You OK?’ Jed turned to Aimee as her hand fluttered nervously near her face, pushing a frizzy blonde strand out of her eyes, determined to show she wasn’t intimidated despite the solemnity of the occasion.
He’d always admired that about her, her ability to take on anyone and anything. Bold, brash and undeniably feisty, his Aimee had been a woman going places. Unfortunately, she wasn’t ‘his Aimee’ any longer and the only place they were both going for the next few months was straight to a living hell.
‘Yeah, how about you?’
‘I can do without the whole needle thing but I’m OK.’
Her lips twitched in a small, tight smile, drawing his attention to their shape, their fullness, reminding him how they had once contoured to his so perfectly. Before he felt like an absolute bastard for remembering something like that when Toby’s life was at stake.
‘Still don’t like needles, huh?’
‘I’ll survive,’ he said, wanting to kick himself for his poor choice of words as her mouth drooped and she paled.
‘I’m sorry—’
‘If you’ll follow me, we can get started.’ The doctor bustled back in the room, preventing him from trying to make up for that horrible gaffe. Though what could he do—take it back?
Hell. He hadn’t even met Toby yet and he was already bumbling along like a loser. What hope did he have?
‘Come on.’ Aimee stood up, her movements stiff and jerky, and before he knew what was happening the doctor had ushered them out the door and into the cold, sterile corridor that led to a waiting room jam-packed with people. People with pale faces, worried faces, people hoping for a miracle just as they were.
‘He’s going to be OK. We have to believe that,’ she said, her voice so soft he had to lean forward to catch her words, as if she was reciting an often practised mantra.
This was crazy.
A few hours ago he’d been a guy on top of the world, Australia’s answer to Jamie Oliver, whipping
