looked down at her, took the full force of her electric blue eyes and found himself wishing he’d heeded Cal’s advice, taken yesterday afternoon off and stayed in bed. Until this morning. ‘Do you have to go to Crysse’s this evening?’
‘I’m afraid so. There’s the crèche at the reception to be finalised, a panic about a torn bridesmaid dress, some place names still need to be written—’ She was ticking the endless list off on her fingers, but he caught her hand, stopping her.
‘Do you know something?’
‘What?’
‘If I’d known then, what I know now, I would never have asked you to marry me.’
‘Believe me,’ she came back without hesitation, ‘if I’d known then what I know now, I’d have said no.’ And for just a second something flickered in the depths of her eyes. Almost, he’d have said, as if she meant it. Then she shivered. ‘I’m getting through by dealing with it the way I would an overdue trip to the dentist. Agony at the time, but afterwards…’
Her voice trailed off, leaving him to fill in the blank with something appropriate, like ‘bliss’, he thought. Instead he said, ‘Hold onto that thought,’ as he released her. ‘And buckle up.’ He engaged gear and turned to check the oncoming traffic.
Anything rather than face the everlasting afterwards behind a desk, in an office, balancing the books.
‘I’ve been offered a job, Crysse.’
‘A job? What kind of job?’ Her cousin looked up from repairing the hem that one of the tiny bridesmaids had somehow managed to put her foot through. ‘Surely the Evening Post isn’t trying to poach you? What a nerve!’ She slipped in another pin. ‘Although, come to think of it, maybe working with your husband isn’t that great an idea. Twenty-four hours a day of perfect bliss might be more than any ordinary woman could stand. Not that I’m in any position to judge.’
‘I scarcely see Mike at the office. Besides, it isn’t with the Post. I couldn’t work for a rival paper.’ Crysse looked up from threading a needle. ‘You remember I applied for a job on the Globe?’
‘The Globe? But that was months ago. Last year. Before you met Mike. I thought they said they weren’t interested.’
‘Not exactly. They said they’d let me know. Well, now they have. It seems they’ve been making changes. Appointed a new editor, going tabloid. They’re putting a women’s supplement in their Friday edition and they want me to join the team.’
Crysse jabbed the needle into the cream silk. ‘I bet your bread never falls butter-side down, either, does it?’
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’ She continued picking up the hem with neat little stitches. ‘Forget I said that. Congratulations.’
‘Crysse?’ She shook her head. ‘What is it?’
‘Nothing.’ Then she shrugged. ‘Everything. I’m pea-green jealous if you must know.’
‘Jealous?’
‘I know, I know. It’s horrible of me, but I can’t help it.’ Her cheeks heated up. ‘You’ve got everything. The full set. A man any woman would die for—a man who actually believes in marriage, a wedding that’s going to be featured in the Country Chronicle, a fabulous new house courtesy of your father-in-law and all I’ve heard all evening is you whining on about how irritating it is to be constantly bothered about the colour of ribbons, and flowers and all those other tedious little decisions that the harassed bride has to cope with. Anyone would think you didn’t really want to marry Mike.’
‘No…’ Well, maybe she had been letting off steam, hoping that Crysse would turn it all around, make her laugh, see the funny side of it all, see it straight, the way she usually did. ‘I wasn’t whining. Was I?’
‘Big time. And now, as if the icing on your particular cake wasn’t already thick enough, you’ve landed the job of your dreams.’ Willow watched in horror as twin tears welled up in her cousin’s eyes and ran unchecked to drip onto the elaborate little dress she was stitching. ‘What have I got, hmm? I’ve been with Sean for five years—five years and he’s further from marrying me now than he ever was. I’m nearly thirty and I want a proper home, Willow. A house with a garden. I want babies—’
‘Oh, Crysse!’ Willow dropped her pen and reached out for her, holding her tightly as she let go of her feelings and broke her heart. ‘Have you talked to Sean? You can’t go on like this. You have to tell him how you feel.’
She sounded like the weekly advice column in the Chronicle. Talk to your partner. Explain your concerns about your relationship.
Agony Aunt heal thyself.
‘What’s the point? Why should he make the effort when he’s got everything he wants right now? I should have been like you, Willow. You knew what you wanted and stuck out for it. You always were the clever one. You never would settle for second best.’
She considered admitting that she’d spent the last couple of weeks wishing she’d just moved in with Mike when he’d asked her. But, in her present fragile state, Crysse would probably believe she was being patronised. Better try to be positive. ‘Okay. So if you don’t want what you’ve got, maybe it’s time to ask yourself what you do want. Hmm?’
Crysse rubbed her palms over her cheeks. ‘I thought I wanted this. I settled for this. But it’s not enough.’
‘Then, dump the ungrateful wretch. You’ve wasted enough time washing socks for a man whose idea of commitment is supporting Melchester Rovers when they play at home. Do something you really want with your life, before it’s too late.’
‘It takes a lot of courage to walk away from five years together, Willow. It’s like a divorce. No lawyers, no paperwork, but it’s still dismantling your life, starting over again, five years older and not quite so dewy fresh.’ Crysse sniffed, took the tissue Willow offered and blew her nose. ‘What about you?’ she said, with forced brightness. ‘What does Mike think about this job you’ve been offered?’
Crysse firmly changed the subject, clearly not wanting to discuss changing her life. She didn’t want to change her life, she just wanted Sean to shape up and change his.
‘I haven’t told him yet,’ Willow said, letting it go. ‘I haven’t told anyone but you.’
Crysse’s eyebrows rose a fraction. ‘Don’t you think you should?’
‘I was hoping for some words of wisdom from my favourite cousin.’
‘It sounds to me as if you were hoping I’d say you can have your cake and eat it, too.’
‘Don’t mince your words, darling,’ she said, a touch wryly. ‘Feel free to say exactly what you think.’
‘What I think, darling, is that Mike’s life is here, in Melchester. And that house you’re moving into suggests he’s expecting a full-time wife with her mind on nothing in the immediate future but family planning. You are getting married on Saturday, remember?’ Crysse, the space between her eyes wrinkled in a searching little frown, suddenly reached out and took her hand. ‘That is what you really want, isn’t it?’
